Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done Refuse To Lose, Part VII

ND -

Thanks for the encouragement. I think I'm doing better, but better doesn't mean easy by any stretch. It is still difficult, but I'm improving at not talking as much and listening more in those rare times when she does want to talk. I'm also doing a much better job at not firing off responses to her ranting, raving e-mails. In fact, I'm now able to keep myself from answering until the next day in many cases which has helped me to detach tremendously.

I also agree that if I can stay on this path it will help me become a better man and father in the long run regardless of what happens b/t W and I. I am learning and growing and it is painful at times, but very effective most of the time.

Thank you again for your support and encouragement. I really do appreciate it.

RTL

Latest...
W sent me an update around noon telling me a page had been created about me on MySpace. I didn't create a page, so I was glad to hear about it and I thanked W for telling me. I couldn't access it from school due to our filters, but I came straight home and fired off an e-mail to MySpace, so I'm hoping they'll take the page down soon. I'm sure it was some student who did it as they've joked in the past about my needing to get a MySpace page, but I'm not going to leave it up and take any chances.

I also went to the DMV and discovered the reason I still don't have my tabs and registration one full month after paying for them is they were mailed to W's new apartment. I let W know about this in an e-mail so I'm hoping she'll bring them to the party w/ her on Saturday. I don't think at all that W is keeping them to be mean. W HATES mail and she usually just chucks it in a pile and looks at it rarely to never. So, I'm pretty sure my tabs have been in a pile at her place for a few days now. Oh, well. I have the paid receipt in my car in case I get pulled over.

I also asked W about the realtors and told her I had picked up two estimates on fixing the facia board over the garage. I kept the e-mail pretty simple and straightforward and dealt w/ the main house-selling issues only.

Still no word on whether W will allow me to get the beverages for the party or not, but again, I'm not holding my breath. My offer is out there, so she can either take me up on it or not. Either way, I'll be ready to help out when needed for D's party on Saturday.

My trainer from the gym just called and told me he was sick, so I'm off of exercising tonight, but I'll go in for a workout tomorrow and Saturday to get something in during the tail end of the week.

That is basically it for now. Nothing too dramatic to report, unless you consider a teenager creating a MySpace page for me dramatic. As usual, I'll keep you all in the loop.

RTL

It might be interesting to know how W found out about the MySpace page?

I found it interesting that she takes no response to ridiculous allegations as an admission of guilt. I think your assumption that real world people won't see that is accurate. For a bright person, she has done and said some pretty unbright things!

Hang in there!

Jeff,

W claims she was told I had a site by a student of hers. When I called to talk w/ D this evening, I did speak w/ W and thanked her for telling me of the site. She said "I don't care if you have a site, but it didn't seem like you made it b/c it had your full name as a contact and you've never gone by your full name."

She believed me that I didn't make it when I explained we had a soccer coach at our school who was fired over having his female players contact him through his MySpace page. After hearing that, W knew I was serious about not doing the page b/c I couldn't risk losing my job over it.

Anyway, D and I talked and then she did her usual routine of having me "by her as we watched TV." She puts the phone next to her and laughs and says things like, "Did you hear that Dada? Wasn't that funny?" I'd rathe talk w/ her, but right now it seems as if my being next to her on the phone is comforting to her, so I'm not complaining a bit.

W got on the phone again at one point and told me what D had eaten and made the reference to needing a loan to feed her or having me send her a check as D was eating everything. Again, she was almost nice and personable again, so it is a small, tiny step in the right direction, I guess.

As long as her anger is subsiding, I'm moving in the right direction.

RTL

I totally forgot about your W drinking that much everyday. I would think a liter a day would qualify one to be called an alcoholic or a liver pickler. I worry about the future when your D watches her mom slowly kill herself over the years if she does not put a stop to that. Do you know if she ever drinks and drives? She did just have an accident, but I suppose if she was drunk, they would have arrested her.

Kerry,

I was off by a 1/2 liter of wine. She drinks a 1/2 liter a day, instead of a full liter. However, it is still a lot. She usually keeps herself to one glass of wine if she's going out, so the drinkng and driving isn't too much of an issue, but it is always on my mind as it could be.

Her accident was after work on her way home and she wasn't at fault, so there wasn't any booze involved there. However, I'm truly believing the alcohol and the hysterectomy have everything to do w/ her behavior, attitude, and actions concerning our M.

Please don't get me wrong, I played my part as well, but I'm becomming more and more convinced that the disease has her gripped so tightly that she'll let everything else go before she lets drinking get away from her.

It is sad and there is ZERO I can control out of this situation. I just have to hope she keeps D safe, which in all honesty, she's done in the past and not been behind the wheel when drinking.

RTL

RTL,
It is amazing the anger and resentment they have toward things, especially us. My STBX still is as angry as ever and blames me for everything that she has become. This was one more reason why I decided D was the only course of action, I was tired of being the whipping boy. People will change when they want things to change and for me it was December of '07...

Keep the documentation, it will only make your side of things stronger. I was able to use a lot of it in court and it helped my cause. Stay strong and keep fighting the good fight.

ND -

I'm also surprised about the anger and constant blame I'm getting from W. I really don't know if it will ever end. If it does, great. If not, I'll be ok w/ it b/c I know I'm doing my part and working on myself. I can only control me.

I'm doing my best to stay positive, but some days it is very difficult. I'm also saving everything and will use it if needed in court. In the long run, I know I'll be better for both me and my D.

As usual, thanks for your support, encouragement, and advice.

RTL

The expected morning e-mail from W came. It was terse and to the point: "Please respect my space at the party."

I waited a while and then sent this reply:


I did have some information to relay to her about the use of the railroad car for desert if it gets too hot and I thought it would be nice to inquire about her back, as a friend would want to know how she's doing.

Other than that, I'll just plug along as normal and look forward to seeing my D have fun playing at her party tomorrow. W hasn't replied as of yet to my handyman and realtor questions, so I won't follow up on those for another week or so. I'm also curious to see if I get anything back from her at all today.

Talk to you all later.
RTL

W did reply to my e-mail w/ the following:


I replied w/ "Sounds good. See you at 10:30" and left it at that. I'm curious as to whether or not she'll want to talk w/ me on the phone tonight when I call for D.

RTL