Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy I think she's back

Hey Sara, just checking in and wondering how you are doing today.

Well I have been home sick from work today. Running a fevor along with chills and sweats for the past day and a half. It seems like I have been sick more this school year than I ever have been...even before my marriage issues can about.

As for things between H and I...well if I knew for sure that there isn't another OW, then I would say that we are taking steps towards reconciliation. He is telling me where he is going, but I still want more from him. I haven't really had the talk about that. Being sick sort of set me back. He is sending me messages and talking to me daily. I didn't go totally dark, but just a little aloof. I am sort of waiting to see what goes down this weekend. That will determine what I need to do next. The weekends seem to be when he does the behaviors that make me question if there is OW.

If there is, that is going to be the deal breaker for me. That would make the 3rd time he has been with a different woman during our 5 years of marriage. If he went back with the privious OW, I could be a little more understanding, but if he set off to find a new person, I am throwing in the towel. I will move out and leave him to ruin my credit if that is what it takes.

I am really hoping that he is turning a new page in his life and my suspicions are unjustified.

I still would like to know more about transparency and what that looks like. When he says that he is going to the library, how do I know that is where he is the whole time? Stuff like that I really am struggling with. I know that he had a big work day today with a big meeting along with his usual work. He said he had to leave early in the morning. I was surprised to see him gone at 6:30am. I found myself questioning this. Why so early? Would transparency be that he tells me that he will leave at 6:30 and be back at 5:00 (or whatever?).

Sara

I'm so sorry to hear you are sick. Take care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

If there were 3-5 things that are different about the weekend that make you feel there might be an OW, what are they? I think until you can really figure out what is bugging you, you can't figure out how to address it. It may be as simple as saying, I would like to spend more time with you on the weekends or something.

Transparency is him being willing to answer your questions and share his whereabouts and his e-mail and phone records, and reassure you that there isn't anyone else. There is still an element of uncertainty to it because you DON'T know for sure that he is at the library the whole time - however, that is your problem to deal with as there is absolutely nothing he can say to convince you it is true. You do have to take his word for it a little bit and see if he seems to be telling the truth. The other necessary element is time - it will take time for your worries to subside and for him to earn back your trust.

Well I am the one that made up his email address and password to begin with, but he rarely if ever uses the internet so him giving me that isn't an issue.

He has a pay as you go phone, so I can't get access to phone records. I sure would like to.

Maybe saying to him that I would like to spend more time with him on the weekends would be a start. Maybe saying something about going to the zoo or art museum and see how he takes it. You are right, I need to figure out exactly what is bugging me. I think the staying out past 10pm is an issue. I don't want him to feel like I am giving him a cerfew, but if he is going to be out past 10, I would like to know it.

just read all the posts Sara i feel your pain it sucks. the one thing that maybe might help is to go with him on his "Wal-Mart" runs or H new excape. if you truely want to be with him. force your self to be with him. he may take it two different ways one he might see it as "spying on him" which might force the issue of the OW out. or two he might see it as proveing there isn't OW.

I really feal your pain. with my W see had A 9 years ago. confessed to me 2 months ago. it feels like it happend 2 months ago. with you might be going through it twice oh (sniff) you just need to cry it out. there is so much pain hang in there i'll be watching for new posts

Then you must tell him exactly this. It's common courtesy. He has to understand that.

GF has it right.

"I" statements and no blame. But tell it like it is.

"I would appreciate it if you would let me know you are going to be out past 10 pm so that I don't worry" (if he gets defensive, say that you are hurt, in an accident, don't make it just about a possible OW)

"I would like to spend more time together on the weekends."

"I would like it if you would take me with you on some of your shopping trips so we can do things together."

That kind of stuff.

Are you certain? I first discovered my husbands A by the 200 calls he made on his cell in December, I confronted him and he promised never to contact her again. A few days later I remembered we used to have a pay as you go phone. I called the number and it rang 4 times before going to voicemail. I went to the website for the phone for me it was rogers.com, and tehre is a manage your account section - you can add time there too. Because he had never registered the phone I was able to do it - i needed the phone number and my home address. I was then able to view usage and see that that morning there had been 4 texts to the OW.

thanks for the tip. It was worth a shot. When I went to the webpage of his phone it says "Enter your phone number and a password will be sent to your phone." Darn!

Last night I was talking to H about his day at work. He had one of his quarterly meetings (and OW might have been there, but over 100 people are there and typically she never showed up for them before). So his schedule was all thrown off. He was complaining that because of this meeting he has to make up his clients on Saturday. I know this isn't a lie because that is how it always is during these meetings. Anyhow...I said "Oh that is too bad. I was hoping we could do something together on Saturday." To this he said, "Well we maybe when I am done with work..." He also touched my arm and I swear I felt electric shock go through my body.

I have more to say, but I am late for work..eek!

Well, that was a positive response from him, both in words and actions. It's always nice to know there's still a little spark isn't it?