Folks I really did have a slip of the tongue. I just blurted out the "sleeping around" jibe before I even realized it. I think for months I have been bottling up all this frustration at not being able to fully confront my W and to make my case or to have my say about what she has done to harm me and my family. I am starting to realize that even if she were to suddenly want to try again, I don't think I will be able to live with her ever again if I cannot overcome this hurt. Every time she says something nasty to me, which is now quite often, I dredge up all this hurt and I want to give it back to her, to get it out of my hands. I am struggling with truly being able to ever forgive her. Certainly now is very hard since the damage she is causing me and my family is still ongoing and the wounds are refreshed every day. But is it possible to truly forgive, and can I do it?
I know forgiveness is possible and I have done that before with others that have hurt me, and when I did that I realized that I felt much better like a weight was lifted off of me. Forgiving them was a good thing for me, as you told your W and I think you are right! But, I am still working on that with my H b/c I think it is hard to forgive when they are still actively committing adultery and being rude and disrespectful almost every day.
I think you should give yourself a break! You sound much more patient & tolerant with your W than I am. I slip too like just yesterday when I let my H drag me into an argument and then we exchanged argumentive emails after!!! But I really think that DBing at least for me, and probably for you I would think, has reduced a lot of the arguments and we argue a lot less b/c I really work to avoid my H's anger and not let him drag me into fights as you probably do as well.
I don't think we give ourselves enough credit for all the arguments and nasty comments we don't give in to! Like today when my H walked in the house right away being angry and nasty I just went upstairs and worked out. By the time my H came up after to talk to me about 30 minutes later he had calmed down and so had I, and we had a fairly decent talk for a few minutes about some repairs on the house. I am sure you actively are working on trying to avoid your W's anger and nasty comments, too, and if it weren't for your patience & tolerance would have had many, many more arguments!!! Karen
You sound much more patient & tolerant with your W than I am. I slip too like just yesterday when I let my H drag me into an argument and then we exchanged argumentive emails after!!! 
But I really think that DBing at least for me, and probably for you I would think, has reduced a lot of the arguments and we argue a lot less b/c I really work to avoid my H's anger and not let him drag me into fights as you probably do as well.