I'm at home with my daughter on my birthday because my W had late work meetings in another city
M, I have been following your thread. I am going to tell you the same thing I told Ping tonight. The above quote is a red flag. The way your wife is rushing toward divorce and her anger are red flags of another man in the picture. When a spouse is having an affair "late meetings" is a typical excuse. Taking down your pictures at her work office.
When you add up all of these little "coincidences" and changes in her attitude toward you, along with the anger, it points to another man being in the picture. This could be why you think you are spinning your wheels. You are so consumed with guilt that you are having a hard time seeing things clearly. She has you questioning yourself, which is a typical maneuver for a WS.
Don't brush this off. You also need to get to the bottom of what is going on here. Do you know what the number one reason is that a woman rushes a divorce? Do your homework here. You need to do what is necessary to find out without a shadow of a doubt if there is another person in the picture. The percentages are too high for you to brush this off. I haven't seen anywhere on your threads that you have looked SERIOUSLY at this possibility. They almost always hide it well in the beginning and it is even easier when the BS helps them to hide it by being naive.
Hope you don't get offended, but her behavior is pointing toward that definite possibility. I think you need to pursue this deeper to eliminate all obstacles or to be aware of them.
I'm at home with my daughter on my birthday because my W had late work meetings in another city
M, I have been following your thread. I am going to tell you the same thing I told Ping tonight. The above quote is a red flag. The way your wife is rushing toward divorce and her anger are red flags of another man in the picture. When a spouse is having an affair "late meetings" is a typical excuse. Taking down your pictures at her work office.
When you add up all of these little "coincidences" and changes in her attitude toward you, along with the anger, it points to another man being in the picture. This could be why you think you are spinning your wheels. You are so consumed with guilt that you are having a hard time seeing things clearly. She has you questioning yourself, which is a typical maneuver for a WS.
Don't brush this off. You also need to get to the bottom of what is going on here. Do you know what the number one reason is that a woman rushes a divorce? Do your homework here. You need to do what is necessary to find out without a shadow of a doubt if there is another person in the picture. The percentages are too high for you to brush this off. I haven't seen anywhere on your threads that you have looked SERIOUSLY at this possibility. They almost always hide it well in the beginning and it is even easier when the BS helps them to hide it by being naive.
Hope you don't get offended, but her behavior is pointing toward that definite possibility. I think you need to pursue this deeper to eliminate all obstacles or to be aware of them.
Good luck and stay observant.
I've looked. My computer tells me where she's been when she's online. Nothing in emails-work or private. Nothing on her cell bill or phone. If she's hiding it she's good a it. I have been very aware from the beginning and have watched what is going on. I am watching. I do not take offense. You post what you think. I appreciate all suggestions. Thanks GL..
I also know for sure that she was at a work meeting the night I made that quote. Like I told someone earlier...this is not my first rodeo.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 04/25/0810:18 AM.
M - I'm interested in your last response. Is snooping not one of thos things we shouldn't be doing ?
I posted re a comment by GL on another thread just now re how you are supposed to find out exactly where you are and whats going on if the only way is to go against everything that this forum and DR preaches. It's very confusing.
Like you, people keep saying my W is having an A, which I think is impossible so far. She may have had a One Night Stand, she may have had a couple, or she may be having a textual affair, but I'm pretty certain no serious R with OM (as yet).
M - I'm interested in your last response. Is snooping not one of thos things we shouldn't be doing ?
I posted re a comment by GL on another thread just now re how you are supposed to find out exactly where you are and whats going on if the only way is to go against everything that this forum and DR preaches. It's very confusing.
Like you, people keep saying my W is having an A, which I think is impossible so far. She may have had a One Night Stand, she may have had a couple, or she may be having a textual affair, but I'm pretty certain no serious R with OM (as yet).
A, I'm like Ping, my sitch is similiar. I was an ass. I acted unhappy, I said and did things i should not have. I have taken responsibility for it all, said I was sorry and have changed and continue to change. If DB principles are correct and work, then shouldn't I see my W changing?
What's the one thing that might make her not change?? A new realationship..You know how you feel when you have a new relationship?? You are happy...there's an old saying, "you are fat and happy". You know how you are when you are unhappy & stressed?? You're dropping weight like a madman...One thing I question about my W..if she's unhappy, if she's stressed in all this then why is she not losing weight like me??
Now having said all that as far as snooping goes in my sitch. I noticed last fall that my W was distant. I also noticed that after I put WiFi in our home that my W suddenly started acting different with her work Laptop. She would sit beside me and do her work but always keep the computer sheilded just slightly. This made me worry a bit. So I started watching what was going on around me. She has done little things that bother me. SHE took all the pictures of me out of her work office. Now why would she do that?? 1. she's tired of seeing my ugly face. 2. someone is coming to see her and they are tired of seeing my ugly face. 3. everythime she looks up and sees my pic then it reminds her of the D and adds stress so she took my pics down.
I have watched my home phone, I have seen her cell, there is no email trail, there is no website trail.
it is not impossible that our M's are not having affairs. Mine very well could be and if I get proof then we are done. IMO that is UNFORGIVABLE. If we think that it is not a possibility then we are fools.
My W has done little things that make me wonder. 1. Took my pictures down. 2. sheilded her work laptop. 3 dumping the internet and browsing history on our home computer. 4. Why not work with me on our M?? I know why she resents me but why take a chance on losing your dream home, losing a D half the time?? No abuse in our M at all so why take a chance and lose everything you have?? 5. She moved money from a bank account that contained our Tax refund, why do this and not tell me?? She took 1/2 by the way.
There are other things that tell me that she is not. 1. If she was then you would think she would be taking better care of herself. 2. There are no new clothes or undies. 3. No cell phone calls at odd times. 4. She has been where she said she would be. 5. There are no men that work at her office. Does not mean that someone may not be coming by though. 6. Time factor--she is where she always says she is-a very strict schedule that she follows.
D Papers have been filed and answered on my end. I must protect myself if this is heading for a D. if it means snooping, then it means snooping..DB principles or not.
Am I really going to be any more crushed or disappointed than I already am if i find out there's another man..NO. You have to protect yourself, this is something that could effect every decision that I make from here on out, hopefully for the better.
That's my take on snooping. Now let the 2x4's rain upon my head if my fellow posters disagree. Your opinions are welcomed and you have a right to them. But I will protect myself through this.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 04/25/0812:31 PM.
I hear ya and i'm wondering what other responses will be as the not snooping kills me as I'm a 'need to know' guy. Like you, the things that say she's not having a PA are more concrete than those that are, but similarly, those things that seem she is having a EA outweigh those things that don't.
I guess this is the confusion that is created during these tough times.
So your W told you the same thing. I guess all of their minds think alike. How are things for you today? It is 80 degrees here and I'm wanting to get out and play some golf but we have baseball games later on so no golf today.
So your W told you the same thing. I guess all of their minds think alike. How are things for you today? It is 80 degrees here and I'm wanting to get out and play some golf but we have baseball games later on so no golf today.
Who is puppy dog?
Warm here too. I am great. 3 days in a row I get up relaxed. I must be detaching or I've quit worrying about it. The A??? has me questioning things but I have no proof. I'm playing golf on Sunday. Taking my D to a local car show/concert/eating place tomorrow if it does not rain. I am doing really good..worked out today. I've done good since Monday, I've been still like sofaraway told me. Puppy dog tails is a guy who posts over in the Infidelity section.
