Well, locked my last thread. As you can see by the Title of this thread things have been up and down for me. My First Thread is titled My Story and the link is in my signature line.
I tried to use a little humor in my title. Humor makes me feel better.
Don't hold back, I need all the help I can get.
Step right up folks-if you forgot your 2x4-hell I'll let you borrow mine.
I read some of you situation and yeah whats the difference if you showed up at the office or told her later. Maybe you didn't handle it perfect, but we are all human no one is perfect.
Don't be so hard on yourself we all screw up its our life and not a game of perfection.
In the end what really counts is that you don't give up and continue to try and improve yourself as a person. If this is not enough for our spouses then no human on this planet will ever be good enough for them.
Me - 34 W - 33 S - 5 D - 4 M - 14 years Bomb 1 Dec 06 Bomb 2 Aug 07 Separated - Aug 07 WAW Renting own place - Dec 07
I read some of you situation and yeah whats the difference if you showed up at the office or told her later. Maybe you didn't handle it perfect, but we are all human no one is perfect.
Don't be so hard on yourself we all screw up its our life and not a game of perfection.
In the end what really counts is that you don't give up and continue to try and improve yourself as a person. If this is not enough for our spouses then no human on this planet will ever be good enough for them.
You're correct soulmate.
My W acted different last night after she got home. She was sort of pissy when she got in. I just acted "as if" and went about my business of preparing dinner. We watched a DVD..Walk Hard..pretty stupid movie but some funny parts.
Played with my D outside. She loves the outdoors. 2 is a cool age, they are learning and saying so many new and unexpected things.
I don't really think she's in the MC for the same reason I am. I am in to save our M. I think she is in just so we can be on friendly terms when the D is final.
I'm prepared to move on. I'm pretty calm this morning. I'm at peace right now.
Like you I got the feeling last year when we attended MC it was just so she could say "See I tried everything". The clue was she didn't talk about anything afterward the C sessions and wasn't willing to work on any of the excersises. It was basically 5 sessions of hearing the same thing, and if anything came up like a hang nail we would reschedule.
Yep boy we really were focuses on the benefits, you have to pardon me, like you I am really in a crummy mood this morning and right or not sick of the BS she has been pumping out lately. Take care I will post if I can offer something more constructive, but right now there isn't a 2 X 4 big enough to straighten my thoughts this morning.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Like you I got the feeling last year when we attended MC it was just so she could say "See I tried everything". The clue was she didn't talk about anything afterward the C sessions and wasn't willing to work on any of the excersises. It was basically 5 sessions of hearing the same thing, and if anything came up like a hang nail we would reschedule.
Yep boy we really were focuses on the benefits, you have to pardon me, like you I am really in a crummy mood this morning and right or not sick of the BS she has been pumping out lately. Take care I will post if I can offer something more constructive, but right now there isn't a 2 X 4 big enough to straighten my thoughts this morning.
GF, that's what's strange about my sitch. My W will talk about the sessions after they are over and will do the homework. She acts like she's on the fence about this but won't put the filing on hold or drop the papers. Another MC tomorrow at 3:00pm..She will either show or she won't. I'm going.
My W and I did the MC from 11/07 to 2/08 and she cancelled the last session because things were "better". She filed for D seven days later and said "we tried MC". Be careful. MC can hurt if her heart is not in it.
Your sitch is so close to mine: 1. D Filed 2. Still in same house 3. Sleeping in separate rooms, No TLC. My W is being soooooo nice and seems sooooo close to normal yet the D filing is still out there. I wish that one of the moderators or Michelle could answer this enigma. We are not the only ones with this type of sitch with this question.
My W and I did the MC from 11/07 to 2/08 and she cancelled the last session because things were "better". She filed for D seven days later and said "we tried MC". Be careful. MC can hurt if her heart is not in it.
Your sitch is so close to mine: 1. D Filed 2. Still in same house 3. Sleeping in separate rooms, No TLC. My W is being soooooo nice and seems sooooo close to normal yet the D filing is still out there. I wish that one of the moderators or Michelle could answer this enigma. We are not the only ones with this type of sitch with this question.
I know Eagle. It drives me crazy. 1 minute my W is fine the next minute it claws out and ready to argue. I stopped arguing in December and decided that no matter how right I think I am, that she is the one who is right.. I have took full responsibility for the failure of our M, took responsibility for things I should not have had to take responsibility for but she has not shown much accountability.
I think she's doing the MC to make our D "freindlier". My take on MC--I'm going to go to help save us. may be the wrong way for me to think but I look at it like this--if my W wants out, she's done, I'll be nice to her and cordial to her to work with her for my D's sake...but I don't really think I'll consider her a friend when/if it's over.
My W will be 44 in May. She had our D at 41. She has not had a period in 7 months. Every woman I have talked to has said my W may be going through menopause/premenopausal...I know one thing, she has certainly been on the fence about this and is determined not to withdraw the petition. It's put me in a tough position..I've had to get a L to answer the filing..it's a runaway freight train now I'm afraid.
Have you asked her about why she is going to MC and yet has the filing going? I don't think that you are supposed to per DB but if you already have, what did she say?
You have to file and protect yourself. Don't let the legal D and reconcilation get mixed up. They are separate.
Have you asked her about why she is going to MC and yet has the filing going? I don't think that you are supposed to per DB but if you already have, what did she say?
You have to file and protect yourself. Don't let the legal D and reconcilation get mixed up. They are separate.
Eagle 2
I have asked. She has told me that she does not love me and is afraid that she can't ever get those feelings back. She has told me that she has worked at our M for the last 5 years and I have not been willing so she is done, has no more work left in her. She has told the MC, with me present, that she is afraid that if she stays in the M that 5 years down the road she will still be miserable and if she leaves the M that 5 years down tthe road she will realize that she has made a mistake. My W told me this past Friday that she fears that the changes that I have made will stick, she will divorce me and I will be someone else's Prince.
I have told my W that if we divorce I will move on, I will be happy. There will not be any reconcilation, I'll work my ass off to straighten us up now and get us straight forever if we stay together but I don't think I'm interested in trying to reconcile after the D is final. I'll feel like we are just getting back into the same old, same old. I am determined to not commit the mistakes in any more R's that I have, that I have committed in my 1st or 2nd marriages. I will find happy. I'm 44, I don't know if I have ever been truly happy. I have had happy times, fun times and wild times but I think I have wondered through life in just a contented state.
My sitch is a combination of things. Yes, I have been a major ass. Yes, I did not work at my M. Me and my MIL dislike each other. My W's medical problems, a child late in life.. many many things...but in my W's eyes--it's all on me. I've took responsibility for all that's happened in the past, I can now only take care of the future.
Our situations are close. My WAW is going and thinking it will help with being friends after she serves the papers. I am there, working my tail off, wanting to creat change, like you. Also, when this is all said and done, no matter the outcome, YOU can lift your head high and say that YOU did not leave a stone unturned.
Keep up the work.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
