Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Minkerman: Coasting into an uncertain future

Sounds great Mink.

Hope all goes well.

ya know MMi dont know how you do it. as i said imn my last post i broke down and cried because of my W acting like your W. the dinners..the fun messages..its like we are M but our W's just cant seem to get the fact they need to commit. they get this ticket were they can just act like they want because they dont " feel" like being M. M is work. M is hard. M and L both need to be cultivated and worked on by both parties. i almost resent being a nice husband fiqure right now and yet I'm not IN a M, I'm in a frendship were my W gets to have a H but dosent have to act like a W

Just got home from our dinner. It did not go well. She has checked out of the marriage 100%.

We sat down and ordered a bottle of wine and dinner...we sat on a sunny patio at street level, it was really nice. This bistro was our favourite place.

We started off talking about what we've been up to, about her promotion, about my music and my work. But the convo eventually came around to "us", and she told me that she hoped I was moving forward. I told her I was, and (once again) that I was open to reconcile but I sure wasn't waiting for her to make up her mind. She said "well don't wait...because I just don't think I am coming back". "So, this is our breakup dinner?" I asked. She started crying and saying how sorry she was. I never cracked, I just said I was sorry too, and I thanked her for helping me move forward with no guilt.

She said she loves me so much, but she is certain that she'll never get the loving feelings back.

So, we finished our dinner, I drove her home and now here I am.

As I dropped her off, we talked a bit, she kept trying to hold my hand, and she cried a lot...once again, I kept my composure. No way was she going to see me cry this time.

I asked her to promise that if she ever changed her mind, that she would at least let me know. I said it may mean that I tell her "too late, that ship has sailed", or it could mean that I choose to break the heart of another woman, to go back to her. We never know until it happens. She promised me that she would do that...she said she owed that much to "us".

My marriage is over. How it hurts for me to type that.

MM dont lose heart my friend. your M is not done utill the ink is dry on the papers. I know thats line seems a little overdone but its true. LRT is always a option and you know from the past with your W she pulls back but then comes closer. she seems so confused and lost. keeep GAL and realy be open to rec but not waiting for it. she needs to make some effort right now. if she does make a move twords ya then awsome your ready. if not your GAL and not crumbeling. either way if you dont give up inside then the M still has a chanch. loos the e-mails and the H actions and let her miss ya. be dark.

I'm really sorry to see how that went - it's hard enough to have such a convo, but more so when the evening starts out as a celebration. I wonder if it's any kind of a positive sign that she was crying - if nothing else, that is better to face than cold, steely resolve or hostility. Sounds like you handled yourself very well. Has either of you filed? Do you think you will continue to DB? LRT? Undecided at the moment?

Undecided at the moment.