A, There's no telling what's going on w/him right now. I suspect he wasn't too happy to be installing a toilet for his mother. He sounded more aggravated than angry. When they are short like your h was w/you, the less contact you have w/him the better. He's in his stew pot and he needs to come to a full boil, w/out you being around to season him up.
I hope your daughter is feeling better. Remember, you can't analyze every move, word or blink he makes. Just leave him be for a while.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H is still acting very cold and distant. D13 stayed home yesterday. I called him in the morning to ask him if he could come up to stay with her. The night before he tm'd me that he could. When I called him...it was like the first he ever heard of it. Whatever.
When I checked in to see how she was, he was so different. Like he was the one going dim. D13 told me he spent a good part of the day laying down in my room. She said he had a bad sunburn and was complaining.
Anyway, d13 is back to school today. H tm'd asking how she was but I was in a meeting. When I got back to my desk he was calling. He rushed me off the phone....like he didn't want to give me the time of day.
I tm'd him (which I know I shouldn't have) asking what was the matter. Why is he upset. He replied he wasn't angry at me. He is worried about the kids and he is stressed. Guess life isn't perfect with MOW in MLC.
Later on he tm'd me that he left d13 sleeping on the couch. He said he was worried that she was sleeping so much. Not sure what he is thinking. She is up at 6 am for school...and is just getting over a virus.
H is still acting very cold and distant. D13 stayed home yesterday. I called him in the morning to ask him if he could come up to stay with her. The night before he tm'd me that he could. When I called him...it was like the first he ever heard of it. Whatever.
When I checked in to see how she was, he was so different. Like he was the one going dim. D13 told me he spent a good part of the day laying down in my room. She said he had a bad sunburn and was complaining.
Anyway, d13 is back to school today. H tm'd asking how she was but I was in a meeting. When I got back to my desk he was calling. He rushed me off the phone....like he didn't want to give me the time of day.
I tm'd him (which I know I shouldn't have) asking what was the matter. Why is he upset. He replied he wasn't angry at me. He is worried about the kids and he is stressed. Guess life isn't perfect with MOW in MLC.
Later on he tm'd me that he left d13 sleeping on the couch. He said he was worried that she was sleeping so much. Not sure what he is thinking. She is up at 6 am for school...and is just getting over a virus.
Just journaling:........trying not to analize....but it's hard.
H tm'd me this morning. Asked if d13 was up. I told him yes. He tm'd that he tried calling her but she didn't answer the phone. He then asked if he could come by to see her. I told him..of course. Anyway....not sure why he didn't call me. All of a sudden it is tm only.
I was downstairs hanging with s16...laughing and talking. H must have come in while i was down there. I brought up some laundry and saw that him. He looked like crap. Died his hair again...can't have those greys showing.
Anyway, I said hello and he somberly said hi to me. I went to put the laundry away and a while later came out and sat down in the living room with him and d13. He didn't have much to say. Sighed a few times. And then left.
I offered to go run my errands while he was there if he wanted some alone time with d13...and he said he had to go. Had things to do. Asked what we were doing for mother's day and said he would try to stop up after work.
So, I really am confused. Last weekend I get the tm saying "you were right. I am a fool." This week it is practically the silent treatment can't stand to be around you.
A, It's depression at it's finest. His actions, comments, sighs all indicate depression is hitting him a bit harder than normal. He's depressed because the mow isn't going to leave her husband, he's depressed because he's not happy and doesn't know how to turn things around, he's depressed because he's not happy w/his job, and the list could go on for another 4 or 5 pages. When they are this depressed, they just twist and turn because they are "frozen" and do not know how to find their way out of the dark hole. That's why it's important to just let them be and do not expect them to be themselves.
Your h knows that things aren't right within himself. He knows that he can't move forward or backward and that's why he continues to hold on to you and the family so tightly. He knows that as long as he's got that one string to hold on to, he can't sink any deeper in the muck. You are the lighthouse in his storm, no doubt about it.
One thing that I'm going to point out now that the week is over--when you phoned or tmed him about checking on your daughter and/or staying w/her, he may have felt like you were "expecting" him to be there. In times like this, I understand completely why you did it, but you will need to have a "safety" net for future emergencies. He's not always going to be up for this type of request. I know, he's your husband, but if they can't help themselves, how can they help us? This may be one fo the reasons that he has been acting a bit put out w/you. Just food for thought.
Over all, you sound good and I'm glad to see your children are doing better. I do hope that you've got something special planned for your special day. Leave the crazy making situation at the door and just enjoy the day for what it is--Mother's Day.
Happy Mother's Day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am not sure what it is. Seems more like anger or freezing me out. He tm'd me happy mother's day while i was outside with d13. Then left me a message saying he got a late start for a work and won't be stopping by ...but to have a great mother's day with my kids.
I think he is acting this way to get me to sign the papers on the house. I don't know. I could be wrong. He would have been angry with me if I didn't ask him to watch d13...but I guess i really don't know...don't know him anymore. He seems to be letting go of me.....maybe he is moving on without me. Who knows.
He sent me a tm first thing this morning thanking me for taking the kids to see his mom. We tm'd for a little bit. All friendly and chatty.
I caught d13's cold and I left work early. I felt lousy all weekend and worse today. I got home and slept. When i woke up d13 was home from school. She said H was outside on the phone.
H came in. Barely spoke a word to me. If i didn't speak to him...I wonder if he would have said anything at all. I went back into the bedroom....just figured I would give him space.
H didn't talk too much to d13. He was tm'ing I think outside. He then came in and told me he didn't have to work tonight and could drop d13 off at practice on his way to counseling.
I know I am analizing Snodderly, trying not to, but I am so puzzled by the silent treatment. Is it depression? Or is it because I haven't signed the house papers? I wish I knew. It is like he is drawn into a cave when I am around. He can barely look at me.
Call me crazy....but part of me wishes he would call in the middle of the night so at least I know he is thinking about me. Right now I don't know where his head or his heart is.
A, You can't have it both ways--either he calls all hours of the night and keeps you from your rest or he doesn't. Whether he calls you or not, he's thinking about you. If he wasn't, he wouldn't bring you lunch, dinner or visit. You are just going to have dig deeper for some good old time faith.
I suggest that you go out on the internet and look up clinical depression and/or get some books and read up. You'll find many of the signs in the "written" word. As for him giving you the silent treatment for not signing the papers--I honestly don't think so. But, I don't know your h, nor can I get inside of his head, nor can you. What you need to do is find something to keep yourself and your mind busy. You are creating anxiety within yourself trying to figure him out. Trust me, you aren't going to do it because he can't figure himself out either.
Utilize your time in a more productive way, find a hobby, do a jigsaw puzzle or start mapping out a new flower garden, but you've got to try harder in not focusing so much on him. Whether you know it or not, it's still putting pressure on him. He senses it. The more you stay busy and just treat him as a visitor, the better for a while. Don't expect a lot from him for a while, as his depression is taking him deeper within himself. You are going to have to start relying more on yourself and your children w/doing things around the home for a bit. When he starts to feel better, you'll notice the change.
My advice...stop trying to figure out where his head and heart are for now. Turn the focus back on to you and your children, for these things are a sure thing at the moment. Your h is very lost and will be for a while.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well Snodderly...I was correct. Got a letter from my L with a copy of a letter from his L stating that I must sign the papers within 10 days or he will file a petition with the court.
I couldn't believe it. I tm'd H that I received the letter and that I realize what he wants ...to be rid of me. I know that it is bad dbing but boy....what a fool I am. He keeps tm'ing me that I matter, that he will never want to be rid of me, that this is why he is so depressed. Whatever.
Not sure what to think. I feel like all he wants is his money from the house and to be done with me. I am so hurt.
Journaling: H kept tming me from work last night. He kept telling me what a failure he was as a father, husband and in business. He told me that I would be happy to know that he couldn't be what MOW wanted him to be. That he has lost her too.
He kept telling me to find someone to provide for me the way he couldn't. Someone with a real job. He told me he was worried about all of us and that is why he is so depressed.
He got out of work and called me. I was sleeping at the time (around 11). I think he was upset that I could sleep. He apologized for waking and said it is nice that I can sleep.
Anyway, he sent me a few tm's. One said he wished he was dead and that s16 wished that h was dead. He said he couldnt give me what i want....money, vacation, etc. I told him that all I ever wanted was him and our family. I was getting tired and told him I was going to sleep.
I have not heard from him since. I don't know what to think. Part of me is so angry with him for going to his L and part of me feels sorrow for him for what he has done to all of the R in his life, especially with our children.
I don't know if there is any hope for my M. I just know my H is one messed up man. At least that is what he wants me to think.
