Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Reclaiming myself and my life #6

Frank

it is in the darkest times that the light shines the brightest

my grandpa used to say that

it is true

it the darkest dark even the smallest light looks grand

look for those small lights Frank

they are all around you

and

many small lights
can make a pretty big glow

Sucks to be here. I know. Nothing wrong with mourning the past. Feel, it. Embrace it. Mourn it. But don't stay there. Move forward.

Lamentations 3:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

All you've got to do is make it through today. New compassions come to help you through tomorrow.

N.

Frank, don't know if you've been doing this, but I was torturing myself about how good of a person H was and this could've happen, was I really a sh*tty w? how could he had fallen so low, how did God allow that to happen?

Then I read my quarterly from church, one about suffering,and got my answer. When people reject God, rely on their own wisdom, when they reject Him constantly and refuse to acknowledge Him in their lives God leaves them to their perverse thoughts, it literally said that Frank!! when people refuse to listen to God and believe and be led by HIM, God lets them sit on their filth. And that's why my H, and perhaps your W , lost their way.

"when they reject Him constantly and refuse to acknowledge Him in their lives God leaves them to their perverse thoughts"

So, let me get this straight. If someone rejects God, then he responds vengefully? I don't get it; why would He do that? If my son was to reject me, I wouldn't turn around and say "oh, the hell with him". I would somehow try to reach him. I would try to inspire him. I would do whatever was within my means to understand why it was that he was rejecting me. And I would propably come to the conclusion that I was somehow, at least partially, responsible. As a mere human, this is the way I would respond.

But you claim that an all-powerful, all-loving, omnipotent, all-wise God would eventually just think "ah, the heck with him". You infer that all of our suffering is allowed by God because of us rejecting him. I just don't get that. Do you mean to say that true evangelical Christians don't suffer, or that thet don't have marital problems, or that they don't get divorced? I find this hard to understand or believe. (Don't the more evangelical US states have that higher divorce rates?)

2nd said:

Cat said:
and


These are not acts of vengence. These are permissions of free will.

2nd said:

I don't think cat did this at all. She was referring to her original statement:

No grand claims were made. These were loving comments to give an additional perspective to someone dealing with the bizarre behaviours of a spouse. Not a statement of doctrine. She began her post with:


Her reference was spot-on IMHO. If this still upsets you I'd be happy to engage you in a different thread. I don't think that Franks sitch needs to be cluttered with discussions of personal theology. Unless he's into that kind of stuff ;).

Respectfully,

N.

I didnt' mean to say God just abandons those who reject him, I meant to say that since God gave us all free will He won't force anyone to follow Him, He must let us reap what we sow if we insist in following our own way, that is the only way some learn, the traditional "rock bottom".


He took human form to reach us, inspired us with His life, died a cruel death even for those who rejected him, was subjected to all the temptations we are subjected in this life to show us that we can be victorious through Him. We only have to accept his grace and be saved.

I tried like crazy to save a man from himself to no avail. The decision was on his hands all along.


"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us" Romans 8:18

1 Peter 4
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

2 Corinthians 12:9:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

He'll work through us, if only we open the door.

End of hijack.

First off, cat03 wasn't making a blanket observation. She was speaking of Frank's wife and her own husband. But she was right AND further she did NOT say anything about God being vengeful - she stated that He will LEAVE THEM TO THEIR PERVERSE thoughts. And indeed, HE WILL. However, what you chose not to consider, was that God DOES attempt in various ways to reach those people. I am living proof with a truckload of stories as to how He reached me when I myself was in the pit.

Your reference to your son and how you would react was an accurate picture of how God deals with us. Why you flew off the handle and interpretted such a narrowminded statement behind cat's post is a wonder to me.

Well, thought I'd post something about my sitch...

Yesterday morning W tells me that she needs me to pick up D12 from school because W is going to L.A. with her friend to watch her friends husband be on a TV game show. She says she'll be home around 8 pm.

Nothing like short notice. No problem for me though.

Around 9 pm she calls to tell me she's on her way home. She's tired, yawning and tells me about the show. I'm polite and friendly because I'm in a good mood I guess. She ends the conversation saying something like "Well sweetie I'll be home soon" (Oops). I just say "I'll see you when you come home, bye".

She comes home and I am watching TV, take a moment to say hello and leave her alone. A few minutes later I hear her talking to D12 who is in her room playing Warcraft. The reason I hear her is because she is yelling at D12. I assume she is mad because she's playing her game a lot, but no. W is crying and saying "You never want to spend time with me, I just want to talk to you for 5 minutes!" and I Hear D12 say "Well you're never around mom, and when you are you...." but I didn't hear the rest.

W came downstairs and went into the kitchen and cleaned dishes and other stuff to keep busy. She asked me about D17 since she wasn't home. I told her I'd be picking her up from her boyfriends house around 11 so she could go to bed since she was tired. She went to her room.

A few minutes later, D17 calls to say her BF's parent will bring her home. So I went to W's room to tell her. She was laying on the bed, and looked and sounded really sad. I ALMOST asked her if she was 'ok' but I didn't. I left her alone.

Today, D17 needed a ride to go on a field trip so I gave her the ride. Along the way I asked her what her plans were for later and she said "Well, mom was very clingy this morning and wanted to go on a picnic or do something else together. I told her I already had plans. It's not like I don't love her but I would rather spend time with my friends, Dad"

I thought about suggesting a 'family' outing tomorrow but I'm conflicted because that's not the way 'divorce' works. See, I know if I were to suggest that, both of my daughters would go along with ME because we could bring D17's BF, and D12 would do whatever I suggested because it would be fun. But as I said, I did things like that 2 years ago during the affair and 'I want a divorce' crap and I am just not going to repeat any of those actions this time. Divorce sucks, and it HAS to suck to be her or she'll never learn what I have learned, that having an intact family is more important than anything else.

And that's about it. I'm continuing to let go, and I'm recognizing the miracles that God brings me. I can't help but wonder if he's talking to W and telling her she's losing her family slowly but surely.

Hugs to you, Frank.

Hang in there.

Things will get better. Your daughters are already forging the path in their own lives.

Frank,

You are an amazing father.

---Theoden