Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again I think we are in a rut

Well, the light may be slowly coming on! You know how those florescent bulbs always take a while and flicker a couple times first before they really light up?

LMAO! Are Hs are florescent light bulbs hahahhahaha.

Lol, you may be right Michelle...normally you think of a light bulb moment as something that suddenly comes to you...not flickering on and off!

Curious to see what you have to say Husband since you are at about the same point as me.

I haven't talked to H today...although I worked from 7 to 4 and he is working from 1 to 10...so not much time to talk there. We are supposed to have lunch on Wednesday and he asked me to call him Wednesday morning. I will wait until then and give him some time to process our convo last night.

Klm,

I just wanted to tell ya I know how good it felt to have the "talk" I had the talk back in February. Did not really get any answers but I did get to speak my piece. And I have noticed things have mellowed between us since then. During that talk I did mention that I would not talk R until she got a job. BUT... If she has no job by the end of May then I will have the talk that you just had with your H. My other talk was just to find out where we are / were. But now I just need answers about does she or does she not want to work on marriage. It's simple... yes or no. It will hurt a little if she said no but at least I will not be wasting my time and can move on a little more...
Ya did the right thing. IT WAS YOUR TIME. We know when it is the right time and you found it. My time is coming...

Have a great day

Husband

today...
Pisces February 19 - March 20
All of your past choices have helped you become the magnificent person you are today -- you should be very proud of all the lessons you've learned, and all the paths you have walked. People always rely on you to do the right thing, and today will be no different. Make sure that when you are presented with a decision, you think first about what is right, and not about what is popular. There is a huge difference. Stay consistent. Be true to your reputation for being honorable, and everyone will understand.


Ok what is going to happen today? what decision will I make? stay tuned.....

Leo July 23 - August 22
You should follow the trail to frivolity today. Find an idea that is totally 'out there' and see where it leads you. There's no need to stick to your normal routine right now -- you can put things on auto-pilot, and they will go well. Wake up your sense of adventure. Let it be your rudder today, instead of your calendar. It will steer you toward unusual people who have unusual ideas that speak to some piece of your soul. This could be the awakening of a whole new side of yourself.

Ok Saffie now is your chance..


Aquarius January 20 - February 18Have you ever tried to herd cats? If you need to organize any groups today, you might get a sinking feeling that you've been given an impossible task. Everyone has different ideas about what the right options are, and trying to formulate a compromise either won't be possible or won't be helpful. So you've got to be ready to be the bad guy today -- put your foot down when the time comes, and don't be afraid to throw your authority around. You are in charge for a reason!

Feel sorry for the kids in class today YoYo.. Cats??

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
If a friend isn't happy with the amount of time you're giving them, they are going to let you know about it today -- and don't expect them to be tactful. But before you get all defensive and angry that they feel so possessive about you, stop. Think about how much they must care about you to want you in their life so often. This thought should flatter you, not anger you. If it angers you, then this person might not have the kind of expectations you can build a relationship on.


Capricorn December 22 - January 19You are reaching one of those critical points in a work or school situation today when you need to stop selling your ideas and start delivering on them. Show the people around you who you really are and what you are capable of. Don't worry -- you definitely can do it! People will be impressed with your efforts. So just persevere and keep up your confidence. You can make a difference, and you can make a name for yourself. If no one is seeing that now, don't worry. They will see it soon.

Here ya are Jak58


Aries March 21 - April 19
Get ready for one of your biggest emotional walls to come down -- or rather, be torn down by a very compassionate person who wants to get to know you a little bit better! They won't accept shallow small talk from you this time. They want to know your true thoughts and are interested in what you really want out of life. Exploring your feelings in front of another person doesn't need to make you feel uncomfortable. You can trust this person with all of your vulnerabilities.

I forgot who was an Aries

You are right Husband, it was my time. I had to be ready for the fact that he might say no and tell me to file. Can't threaten without following through right?

H was very sure that he doesn't want to be divorced. Back in July/August I remember him saying he was 110% sure he didn't want to be married. We have made a committment to each other to try. If it doesn't work out, I feel like I can say that we both did everything we could.

klm,

I am so happy for you as it seems you have been struggling with all of this with H for quite some time. My H and I have discussed starting to date again. We had a good past weekend together, but for some reason, he thinks that the feelings should just appear overnight to answer all of his doubts about us. I told him that there has been so much pain and hurt between us, that now that we are finally past that, we have to rebuild the friendship/love that we once had. We got in a txt convo that started to go bad last night, and he ended up saying something that was really uncalled for. I just wrote back "goodnight" at that point, instead of arguing back. He emailed me this morning and apologized for his attitude. I simply wrote back "no worries :)". It did bother me what he said, but with DBing, I realized that it wasn't a fight worth getting into and it was best to just end the conversation.

I don't know how to handle my family though... any suggestions on that?? My mom keeps telling me I need to shut him out of my life. She is like my best friend. I don't want to make her mad or hurt her feelings... any suggestions on what I can say. I feel myself getting pulled back and I know she is just concerned and wants to tell me how she feels.. ??????

Thanks SJV.
This has been a roller coaster. I don't know how much you know about my story, but I moved after H filed for D. I had a job opportunity and I moved about 1,000 miles away. H ended up not following through with the D, driving here, and telling me that he made a huge mistake. He took the steps to move here, and then right after that he pulled away again and we were friends, but that was IT. I have decided to put my foot down and he committed to trying so we'll see how it goes.


The only thing that I know to do is to not talk to them about it. I know that is hard...but I found out early in this that I can forgive my H for things that other people can't or don't think I should. The thing about is....they have no clue what they would do in your shoes. I always said I would be out the door and never look back if my H had an affair...which is obviously not what I did. Your mom cares about you and doesn't want to see you hurting. Vent here. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? I know that really helped me in the beginning.

H just called and asked me to lunch today. He sounded super nice too. I can't go because of some meetings I have to go to and get ready for this afternoon, and he couldn't be very flexible because he is at work too. He understood and then said "But we are still going tomorrow right?"

He is doing good so far

Hi, Kris. Glad to hear that your talk with your H went pretty well!



Now, I don't want to be downer, but just remember what you wrote: "he committed to trying". My H, along with other spouses across the BB, have said similar things many times. Much too often, we get hung up on their words and spoken promises when what we're really supposed to be paying attention to is our S's ACTIONS.

Remain detached and have no expectations. This is a big lesson that I had to learn. As mush as we want our Hs to come back and work on the M with us, it will only happen when he is truly ready.

Hope you have a great day and a wonderful lunch tomorrow!

Thanks GF!


Mine too! He said it back in November, and we got nowhere. This time was different. We both expressed what "working on it" would look like and we agreed to take those steps together. It was more than just words...more like a gameplan that we both agreed to.

I know detachment is still important..but, here is the thing...I DO have expectations. Not expectations that everything will be fine, but expectations that he will do what he said. Is it not ok at this point to have some sort of expectations? I just feel like if he doesn't try like he said, then I am done. This is it. Last chance.