Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy day by day

Hi Kat I've been away from the site for a few days and just saw this one, can you tell me more about the forum for N.Cal group getting together ? that is my area and I would love some support real time. This site has been a true savior for me. I know I will survive but the pain I have to continually go through is shocking!
I know everyone on here feels the same.
Lyn

Gypsy, I read about your week. Amazing. Sounds like a perfect trip for the LBS, huh??? I need to get the healthy eating down a lot more. Thanks for finding me here.

Journaling:

I continue to be friendly to my H because that is what the girls need to see. Its not forced, but its hard for me to 'let it in' because I slip and feel too close to him. Then its detachment central all over again. Some days I can't even look him in the eye, other days, I sneak 100 little peeks at him. H's mood is very dependent on mine, I can see him checking me and then reacting. So I stay positive.

Friday evening, he started in on the house "We need to get this settled". But when we tried to talk about it, I was given the list of my past mistakes, my faults, etc. So, I stopped the talk quickly and left the room. He did a 180 and was totally cheerful and almost flirty. Gross.

I swear it would be easier to never see him again.

Hi lwb,

thanks for posting on my thread. I am sorry you feel the way I feel at the moment because it sucks!! I have no strength anymore to even see the positive steps from his side. I am no good right now to advise others because I see everything pretty "black". I will try and read your threads, although right now, I want to just disappear and dream happy dreams for as long as my kids will allow me to...

Anyway, it's a difficult journey for all of us. It feels good to see others on here understand the way we feel. It makes me at least feel I am "the normal", not the crazy one.

Thanks again for stopping by, stay strong, I will try the same

Take care
K

Hey lwb-

I read on another thread that your H let you down again. And of all times when you had to work. I'm sorry! How does he think he can get away with all of that? It's not like you're asking him to watch them while you go out bar hopping all the time. You're going to work for goodness sake!

Did these two boobs of ours get together on Friday night and decide that it was time to lay into their wifes or what? Mine had been drinking, but he had some choice words for me too. Then, as yours did, he back peddled big time on Saturday and was very, very nice.

Well, I hope you're having a good Monday! You deserve a good day.

-SueS

I was talking about this with my C kind of, my sitch of course not yours, but my H being unreliable and not completely trustworthy. She was suggesting I really need to have a support system of friends to help out when H doesn't come through. I am also trying to get as independent as I can so I don't have to ask H to come through for me very often. Plus, the C said like have AAA so when the car breaks down I don't have to call my H.

I am trying to work on all this! I am going to try to ask H for as little help I can and then just be pleasantly surprised with whatever he does. It does seem like the less I expect of him, the more he is giving out to the kids and I which is weird, but I am glad he is being pretty good lately now that I don't expect much anymore! Karen

Hey hey, ms lwb..

Here's a plethora of big ole hugs for when you need them.

It sounds kinda neat that y'all play peek-a-boo watching how each other reacts to the tiny glances. Your staying positive seems to set the tone for him so that sounds great, too.

I'm learning to detach by not thinking about "Kevin". When my mind starts wandering wondering about "what if's" etc, I focus on what I'm going to do the rest of the day, tomorrow, what plans I am making. Oh yes, and I throw in a little 'tsk tsk' too.

I hope this is helping me shed the shock and ickiness of all this crap.

*hugs*

Sue, thanks. Sadly, my H was sober when he decided to jerk-out on me. I don't know which is worse, drunk or sober. Honestly, H has never gone off on me drunk. He is usually very remorseful when he drinks.

Kalni, thanks for stopping by!

Karen, I totally agree with finding others to depend on. I bought a new lawnmower this summer, did some car repairs (ok, took it to a shop but all on my own) all on my own, etc. Its just very hard to impose on friends and family to watch the girls from 4pm-12m (many time longer). H needs to step up for that, but I do have an emergency plan for each day.

Gypsy, thanks for understanding. I do try to stop focusing on H for most of the time, but sometimes that big elephant wants a peanut......

Journaling:

MIL watched the kids yesterday for me while I worked. I got a huge hug from her, but we didn't talk at all because the girls were around. Step FIL walked me to my car, hugged me, offered any support he could, and wants to kick H's hiney for his decision making. I cried, but collected myself quickly. The girls had SO much fun with Grandma... and Grandma dropped a pretty penny at Build A Bear.

H was shocked MIL watched the girls (he shows NO concern who watches them on Sundays, leaves it up to me to find someone), and asked if she said anything to me.

I continue to put my game face on, play Monopoly with my D3 instead of wallowing on the couch, smiling kindly at H instead of shaking him and asking WTF he is doing. In the meantime, I quietly process this in my head, with my friends, and in my sleep.

Ms lwb..

I have to tell you, life becomes verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry boring when I'm not fretting about "Kevin" or injustices thrown my way. Divorce Drama dries up and I'm left in a house full of clutter.

Is it possible to get addicted to all this drama unwittingly? Hmm.. don't want to live my life like that!

You're a good woman, a warm and loving mom and a delight to know if only by text.

*hugs*

LWB,

They say that is when true feelings come out.

Just had to post that.

Have a good day LWB, and have a great day with your girls.

JAK

Boy jak - then that doesn't say much for my situation. My H is very, very nasty when he's drunk. I hear the most cruel, hurtful things come out of his mouth. I'm usually lower than a piece of dog doo doo on the bottom of his shoe in his eyes when he's drinking.

SueS