Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Finding DB late in the game #4

I mentioned the 10% thing while on the phone with H this morning and he thought it was reasonable and was OK with it. I decided to just shoot it out there in a non-confrontational manner as we were going through kind of a check-list of things going on. I also told him that I am pretty stressed out about his Mom's visit in terms of the condition of our house. My MIL is an insanely clean person and every time she comes she comments negatively on the condition of the house in some way or another. She'll clean garbage cans, attack the coffee pot and the like. There is six inches of dust everywhere in my house right now. I have workers here and haven't been able to keep up with the laundry. It's all CRAZY. So I told him that I was going to send his Mom a lighthearted email to prepare her for the condition of the house and ask for her understanding. My H actually said that he'd shoot her an email asking her to "chill on that front." It's kind of a big step for him to do that.

Wow, that's awesome that your H is being so supportive.

Try not to let her get to you. My place is always a mess compared to my MILs, but since I go to school and work it's just hard to make time.

If she can't understand with all the work that's been going on in the house, she's just being nuts. Try and ignore her.

Yes, that is awesome. Over the years it's gotten better but even he has admitted that in the past he's chose to upset me rather than upset her so him "sticking up" for me means a lot.

I try my best to ignore her, but she seriously is one difficult person to ignore.

That's funny that he would choose to upset someone he lives with over someone he should be more detached from as an adult.

That's what the rational person thinks, but their relationship is very odd. My H is her defacto partner. He's on her checks for instance, though he's been on his own for over 10 years, married for over seven. Out of the three kids, he was the pleaser, the protector, he did everything he could to not make her life more difficult than it already was. This was his role and it has continued, though he's seeing things more clearly as time goes on. My MIL's life was rough because of the choices she made and continued to make, not because it was just all tossed at her unfairly.

Also, since he doesn't have a Dad, all his parental feelings and each parental role is rolled up in this one person who doesn't have a partner. It's a weird relationship.

aaugh. MIL arrives anytime. REALLY not looking forward to this...

must have PMA for a completely different reason.

(((((((cw)))))))
You can do it!

(((cw))) She will come and then she will leave! There is already a light at the end of the tunnel!

You can do it!

Hi I hope you get through the visit sanely. Remember when things get a little tough you can go for a walk or a bike ride to unwind and I sure your H will understand.

Good luck and keep us posted if you get a free moment.

Jen

When my parents are here, I let them clean my house. I think of it as them being helpful to me while they're here. I think they do too. I know it would be different with a MIL, but maybe you can take that in stride. Maybe she will mellow with age.