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Jak, Matilda, and Piecing Friends,
The weekend went well. I drove my W and her mother to my SIL to watch her niece perform in a skating show.

I assisted my W with her cooking job on Sunday. I cooked for two hours solo, so that my W could take a nap. She's trusting me to do more. I do tasks that she dislikes, and that I'm more patient with.

I've been writing for over a year, and my only finished piece is a poem. I've never thought of myself as a poet, but I'm going to give it a try. When I write vignettes in my notebook, they look more like poems than stories, so I'll follow the lead. I've ordered a poetry writing guidebook, so will play with the exercises and see what happens.

CL

CL,

Im glad to see that the weekend went well for you.
Also glad to hear that your W seems to be trusting you more.
Good luck with the poetry writing.

JAK

Jak, and Piecing Friends,
My W and I went to our dance class last night and learned cha cha basic steps and combinations. The class went well. It's a good group who all want to learn how to dance well, so the instruction is technique-focused, which my W wants. She enjoys watching the teacher dance, and says that she's enjoying the class.

She had an interior designer in yesterday. She still has some projects in mind to improve the living space. We need to finish the hardwood floor in the living room. She wants to turn her computer room into a media room, with a new couch and state of the art television. She also wants a television for her bedroom.

I was thinking, how are we going to pay for all this, but kept my mouth shut. My sense is this is about making her living space comfortable, so it's essential.

She still frets about retirement, and keeps asking me if I've applied for a job yet at the VA, where I could make about $20K more than what I do now. I need to copy and send all our 401K statements to the financial planner so that he can assess our situation.

She noticed a book I've been reading on happiness, and asked me about it. It's a helpful book (Happiness is an Inside Job, by Sylvia Boorstein) if one is open to Buddhist teachings. It focuses on three of the eight noble truths--Wise Effort, Mindfullness, and Concentration.

It basically says that we have to practice and be intentional about countering and transforming negativity in our minds, to slow down and be aware of how our minds are being reactive, and to practice discipline thru a meditative-type practice (I prefer yoga). It makes a lot of sense.

I'm working on my own happiness, and trying not to be reactive to her negativity, when it occurs, which is frequent. I'm trying to let her be her, and not fret about it when she makes critical comments, or is being moody.

This is where I still need to improve. I can practice self-restraint by watching what I say. I now need to work on transforming the internal negative reactivity I have to provocative comments and behaviors by my W. I think this is detachment in DB terms.

CL

Hi CL. It is interesting that your wife asked about the book on happiness. Did you explain to her what you wrote here? How did she react? You always make me think about my own feelings and reactions....and I also need to work on "transforming the internal negative reactivity". It always sounds so easy in your thread.....but harder to put into practice. I guess "practice" is the key! Thanks for the inspiration!

Matilda and Piecing Friends,
Happiness is hard work, isn't it? I wonder if there will come a time when it's second nature to us?

I'm stumped as far as what to do for vacation. I'm not sure what she would be willing to do.

My W and I tried a different dance studio on Sunday night. The dance crowd was a little older than us, and the dancing was more a mix. It was a nice change-of-pace. I think my W and I both would like to diversify our dance skills, and venues.

My writing seems to flow better with poetry. Perhaps I've found my entry into writing. I'm writing almost a poem a day. I'm going to join a national poetry organization so that I can familiarize myself with the poety community, and feel like I'm a part of this community.

There is an intimacy about writing and reading poetry that I don't get from other genres. I feel less alone with poetry.

CL

Sounds to me like you have found your calling in poetry CL.

Don't you wonder why happiness is so hard to achieve sometimes and that we have to work so hard to be happy.
I don't think it will ever be second nature. If it was life wouldn't be as interesting.

As far as vacation goes I have no idea as to a suggestion for you. Oh wait,
Have you thought about the Cayman Islands? I understand the price is right and they are beautiful.

JAK

Is there a really famous place for dancing that would make a neat vacation spot? What about a trip to the "Dancing with the Stars" studio???

What if you found a relatively inexpensive place to go, but surprised your wife with an elegant day at the spa....manicure, massage, etc? (while you find a quiet corner to work on your poetry). Then an elegant dinner, ride in a limo, ...It seems to me she would like to be treated like a queen for the day.

Maybe WHAT you do is more important than WHERE you go.

We're willing readers if you want to share any more poetry!

Matilda and Jak,
Thanks for the vacation ideas. It depends on how flexible my W is willing to be. We're not in a position to take a 2K vacation.

I need to make sure I keep the GAL planning and momentum going. The studio my W and I visited over the weekend offers very affordable lessons. The compromise is that the classes are larger.

That's OK. I'll keep taking one class per week from my current instructor, which focuses more on technique, and has a smaller class size, and add a class per week from the other instructor to try-out different dances, so that I can start attending dances that play a mix. My W is certainly welcome to join me, but I'll consider this my own venture.

I've reached a level of competence with salsa that I'm happy with. I have a large enough repertoire that I can now attend any latin dance and give a lady a good dance, as long as they don't want anything too flashy. My cha cha and rumba are basic, but I still practice the steps so I can build upon them.

It's time to venture into fox trot, hustle, and swing. I'll take the large group lessons before I make any commitments with my current instructor, who charges more and is more technique-oriented, which requires a greater commitment to practice. She'd have me take classes there every night, if I let her have her way.

I'll keep an eye out for a poetry group or an inexpensive poetry class. I want to start networking with local poetry writers, sometime before the end of the year. For now, I've joined a national poetry organization to keep my enthusiasm up, and to acquaint myself with the national poetry community.

CL

Those wise ladies JAK and Matilda offered some great ideas for a vacation. Their suggestions got me to thinking and I want to expand on the dance idea. How about checking to see if there are any dance competitions nearby? You could make a day trip if nothing else.

Yoyo
You make a good point. Day or weekend trips can be a respite also. My W tends to think in big terms with high expectations--trips to Hawaii, geting away for a week (not unreasonable), beach vacations.

I recently joined the local chapter of a ballroom dance organization so I could start receiving their newsletter and national magazine, so that I can become aware of events that my W and I would be interested in attending. A trip to a city that was hosting a dance competition might be fun.

Thanks for the ideas. I'm feeling pressure to come-up with a vacation idea and plan soon, but maybe I need to not let my myself try to meet those expectations.

CL