Oh - and IMO don't leave because folks think she won't be able to handle it. Although this is understandable, your W is not going to ask you to come back cos the wall needs painting, or her car won't start...she might struggle with such mundane elements of life and sure 24/7 parenting of 2 boys would be very tough but perhaps she would tough it out. Also this would be a punitive action I think - what you're saying with your actions is "you need me" - she has got to "want you".
She wants to have her emotional needs fulfilled - jump over to Marriage Builders for this stuff, and your job is to see if there are ways you can stay in the house and bit by bit start to meet those needs more effectively than you have been doing.
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
The not snooping is tough and I know what you say is right. I am dertimed to stay on track with that one.
I'll look up your post to get some perspective and respond to your sitch. I do scan around but so many posts it's hard to read let alone respond to all when own head is shot.
It's difficult to living at home to find the time to get on here. I am now at work, but obvoiously have to be a little careful A) of time spent and B) I don't want people knwoing my business.
Anyway, thanks again for your responses, I'll re read them tonight and digest fully.
W didn't go out last night, but we had a pleasent evening together. Chatted a bit, very general, and few laughs even and it was nice.
Going to be tough tonight as W out, but have a friend round and will have a couple of beers to help me get to sleep. Not shed loads but a couple.
Still not read anymore book as with living together it's really awkward. I was going to read loads last night but as W home I couldn't and I didn't want to go upstairs when the atmosphere was really good and I was enjoying her company.
I'm throwing in compliments a little, not OTT and often very subtle, but do I say anything when she is dressed to go out tonight ? Do I give her a bit of money for a few drinks and say something like have a great night ?
TY GB. No not taken as Harsh, I ask as I want honest opinions.
I think your right too BTW. I don't see the harm in little compliments, especially if you mean them. I'm not just looking for things to compliment on, but if I notice something I will mention it.
I really enjoyed last night, was like old times even though we did nothing at all. Was just nice to have us spending an evening where we spoke to one another, few laughs and no arguing at all. Can't remember the last time that has happened !!!
Good work on the snooping. I have to keep telling myself it's not worth the pain of what I might find. When W is being nice, it's so much easier.
Arthur, If you're convinced she's cheating and if it were me and my W was cheating, I don't think I would offer her money when she goes out. If she's just going out with freinds for drinks then I say give her a few bucks. But if you think she's going out with OM..then I say for go the money..
She is not going out with OM, she is going out with a friend (who I am not keen on and think is a really bad influence on our sitch), but, I've no idea if A) she is actually cheating for sure, B) she is even still in contact with OM and C) if she is planning to meet him later, although she may not actually know that yet herself.
I will not give her money I don't think on this occasion, I've nothing to gain from it as I don't think it will be appreciated.
It's all so confusing, the not knowing which is what makes it so hard to not snoop. I won't don't get me wrong, but it's tough. If you can get through this, M saved or not, you will be a better person for it and that is what I must tell myself to keep me going.
The OM issue seems to be dictating your actions and plans. If you do not know for sure then why go there? She can find an OM going out at any time, online , next door, etc.
I have found it better to assume that there is no OM (without evidence) and to work on the LRT issues. The what ifs can make you crazy.
repeat my thanks for advice Eagle. I woke up twice and W not home and wasn't to bad. Thought the worst yes, but then kept telling myself, no, don't worry. Then when she got home, we had a brief chat, but I didn't ask anything about men, just general, where you go, have a good time etc.
Would rather i slept through it, but glad I didn't push anything.
