SF, Your h does regret moving out and yes, he does miss all of you. He's got scared of recommitment and had not finished dealing w/his own issues. He really did want to move back home, but he just wasn't 100% baked. Time will tell when the baking has been completed.
In the meantime, take care of yourself. Do things w/your children and even though your home is "small", you will and can find things to do and places to go that aren't expensive. When your h sees that you are moving along and enjoying life, that is when he'll really begin to notice that life isn't sitting on the sidelines waiting for him to catch up.
He'll drop by when he feels it is safe. Don't worry, he will.
Enjoy your Sunday!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My biggest concern about your situation is the kids.
Your Husband will get his act together, when he is ready.
In the meantime what are you going to do about the chaos with your Son?
He is out of control and disrespectful and this is something you are going to have to take charge of. He is 17 and treats everyone like sh*t, especially you.
Your Son is not in charge, you are.
It almost feels like you are afriad to upset him because he will tattle back to his Father about you and make you look bad.
You do not need his approval, you are the adult.
If your Son wants to continue to live in your home then he needs to abide by the rules. I personally think he needs to live with his Dad.
I am concerned about you, so forgive me if my words are harsh, but SF, I would never tolerate this behavior, ever.
I do know what it is like to go through life with a MLC Spouse and try to be a single Mother, etc.
But not once have my children ever been this disrespectful to me, ever!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Oh I have already set the ground rules and have enforced them effective when H walked right back out the door.
Nobody in the house after a certain time, etc. and if he gets out of hand one more time, I am taking him for a ride--to his dad's office with or without his clothes and he will have to live with him.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
S.F., I haven't been on the boards for awhile, I was shocked to see this thread! I know how very hard you have worked to make this happen, and for him to just sneak out while you were gone and blame everything on you is the ultimate act of cowardace! You andI haven;t always agreed on everything, but I have always admired your dedication and hard work toward your marriage. With that being said, I think you really need to ask yourself some tough questions; Is it worth it? Your family is divided as a result of your H's actions and behavior. Continuing to work on saving your M could result in further division. Does he really want to be with you? I'm not trying to be mean, but he runs all the time, there has to be a reason for that. Snodderly pointed out that he is still dealing with his issues, and he may very well be, but with that being said, its been my experience that very few of these people ever come back to face the music, a few do, but most do not. S.F. I think you have gone way above and beyond with this, and I think most people on here will agree with that statement, I think your H believes that he can do whatever and still have his foot in the door. I am of the opinion that your need to slam it on his big toe! If he wants you, he needs to work for it, if he doesn't what's the point? Hang in there!!
yes, he does want to be with me. we did extensive talking weeks before he moved back home and the talks were not just your run of the mill I am sorry type either. and i have his text messages to back it up.
he is of course not himself and has issues--mental and alcohol related that he has got to get help for but he has got to do this.
he is the type that you cannot tell him what to do because it backfires.
this is just part of God's plan and He is still very much in control.
i have no plans to get a divorce.
with that said, we are carrying on with our lives over here.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
"It almost feels like you are afriad to upset him because he will tattle back to his Father about you and make you look bad."
This is the furthest thing from the truth. There is nothing to tattle on me for and secondly, I always make it a point to let H know what S17 has done. And the girls have texted their dad as well letting them know as well.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
yes, he does want to be with me. we did extensive talking weeks before he moved back home and the talks were not just your run of the mill I am sorry type either. and i have his text messages to back it up.
he is of course not himself and has issues--mental and alcohol related that he has got to get help for but he has got to do this.
he is the type that you cannot tell him what to do because it backfires.
this is just part of God's plan and He is still very much in control.
i have no plans to get a divorce.
with that said, we are carrying on with our lives over here.
S.F. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about my blunt post, I guess I am mad for you if that makes any sense. I do hope things go the way you want them. Before anyone can get help for issues, they have to WANT TO. I'm not sure your H does. Until he starts taking responsibility for his actions instead of blaming you for everything, I don't see this changing. I wish you the best no matter what!
Before anyone can get help for issues, they have to WANT TO. I'm not sure your H does. Until he starts taking responsibility for his actions instead of blaming you for everything, I don't see this changing. I
this is a valid point. I too am very concerned for your family as a whole. The damage he is doing to you and the kids as a family is staggering. I really think some family C is in order especially if you want to welcome your H back into the fold.
well all those talks before he came home are meaningless now, just empty words. he stomped on everyone of them. he did not have the actions to back them up...just like my H, just empty words.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
No one knows what you should do in your situation but you and God.
I am praying for you and your children.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
