Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Today is the first day of the rest of my life....

Survived the wedding....boy was it interesting. Met Mr. B's family and they loved me....seems like families usually do.

In a weird way, I sort of felt like I was in my old life but then again I wasn't. My X was the youngest of 11...B is the 2nd youngest of 14. I feel like things are getting a little more complicated. He has still not found a job and his family is starting to get concerned....I think he's feeling a lot of pressure. I feel like I want to be there for him. I'm one of those people that like helping people. I heard a couple of times at the wedding....you would be good for him....good luck with that one. People used to say the same thing about my X to me. I'm afraid I might be going down the same path.

My C told me to watch out for signs when I started a relationship because a lot of times we end up falling for the same type of person. I think this is happening to some extent. B is similar personality to my X, but then again he's completely different. My X was a big flirt and I'm not getting that at all from B. B has been very successful in the past...he's much more confident than X ever was. Has that happened to anyone else or do you usually end up going for someone completely opposite? I guess I find comfort in it along with the fear....same with the big family. X's niece told me this weekend....Hope he is not like X...don't be jumping to conclusions.

Trying to go with the flow :-)

Not doing so good going with the flow :-(

I'm awful at it. You would think after watching my entire life spin out of control a year and a half ago, I would be little better at it....not so.

I'm sitting here right now really frustrated with B. I talked to him last night and he said he would call about 10pm...it's 7pm the next night and he's never called. We have a really great time when we go out and I just don't get this...talk about mixed signals! He never answers his phone, does not call me back within a reasonable timeframe, and never calls when he says he will....maybe I'm overreacting, but it's really starting to make me mad. We've been seeing each other for two months now. I'm going to have a talk with him....I can't do this...not like this. I'm fine with not being serious, but I want common courtesy and I don't think that is too much to ask. If he's just like this, I need to decide if it something that I can tolerate, but if he's doing this to control our relationship, so it doesn't become too serious...I'm not doing it.

He's the first guy that I've really liked since my X and now I feel like I'm being rejected again. I hate being rejected. I just want to be appreciated.

(((HUGS))) Hope, so sorry things aren't going so well with B. I would honestly say that if he is acting like that, especially in the first 2 months, I would probably just back off completely. you are worth way more than that.

take care of yourself.

Thanks Sally.

I know that's probably what I should do, but easier said than done. I feel like this is the first time I've really liked someone since my X.

Talked to one of my single friends last night, and got her advice. This is my plan...if I don't hear from him by tomorrow, I'm calling him one LAST time and leaving a message to the extent of.... I thought we had a great time at the wedding and now I'm confused on what's going on. I would really like to talk, so I would appreciate if you would call me back. That's it then...if I don't hear from him I'm done. If that ends up being the case, I think that is really sh$tty on his part. We've been seeing each other for 2 months and he's 33 years old....I say man up and tell me if you don't like me....don't take the coward way out. But like I've learned from my other sitch, you can't change anyone but yourself, so be the person that you want to be and handle things the way you need to so you can look at yourself in the mirror everyday. There are lots of fish in the sea...I just keep running into the weak ones :-)

Well, things have been going...some good...some not so good.

B and I had a wonderful date on Saturday night again and we finally talked about all of this a little. I explained to him that all I wanted was for him to return my phone calls, so I could make other plans. I stressed again that I am NOT looking for a serious relationship.

Saying that...I feel like I'm starting to fall for him and I think that's a bad thing. He told me on Saturday night...I wished you didn't like me. I said I know I shouldn't like you. I think that he's falling for me too and now we have to decide if it's worth the risk or do we get out while the stakes are still low.

I know he's not the type of guy that I should fall for....but then again we can't control who we like. Honestly, I didn't think I would ever find a connection with anyone like I had with my X until I met B. We'll see where it goes. I'm not getting out just yet, but my guard is up.

X called me for the first time since I told him that he wasn't to contact me anymore. Last week, I came home to a message on my home answering machine from him. I tried to call him back to see what he wanted but he didn't answer. That was a few days ago, so I'm assuming he didn't need anything....he just missed me.

Haven't posted in awhile....

Walking in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure this weekend for the first time with my mom and some friends. I've heard that it can be very inspirational.

Even though X has contacted me three times in the last month again, I believe the letter that I wrote him months ago worked to some extent. He texted me this morning and asked if I was at work. I said yes. Then, he said sorry I didn't mean to bother you. Have a good day. He followed the "no contact" for a few months, but seemed to have slipped in the last few weeks again. At least he's obeying boundaries to some extent.

X and OW's baby was baptized on Sunday....yep, on Father's Day. I don't have anything against this innocent child, but I've having a hard time accepting that a baby born from adultery can get baptized in the Catholic Church. If he was older and he wanted to get baptized, I would be fine with that.....I'm not okay with the immoral parents making the decision.

Sunday was also the one year annivesary of when I told X that I was done and gave him my goodbye letter. We never turned back after that. That was the day that I accepted that my marriage was over and that I did all I could.

My relationship with B is falling apart. I'm going to pull back big time and see how he reacts.....there's a chance that I won't ever hear from him again. I talked to the woman that set us up last weekend and she said that he's just not in a good place with his job loss, family, etc. She said either he will wake up or he is going to look back at this and say damn, why did I ever let that girl slip away. She said that I am the best girl that she found in years, but he just can't seem to get it together.

So it seems like I have three failed relationships in my life now and not a one that I can really explain :-(
First there was X....met at age 16, together for 11 years when he started his affair
Then there was C....came on strong and then disappeared after 2.5 months....we just didn't click
Then there was B....had a lot of potential....started well, got along great, but he seems to be afraid of commitment....took a turn for the worse when he lost his job. It's been 2.5 months and I'm guessing it's going to be over soon because he doesn't have his life together and doesn't seem all that interested in trying to make things work with me.

So here I sit still alone...and I can't help from wondering if I'm doing something to drive these guys away.

maybe Hope you need to let go of your ex before YOU are in a place to find someone healthy

I know that when I am in an unhealthy place, the unhealthies are drawn to me like flies to sugar

when you are the healthiest, the healthiest people will be attracted and attractive to you

Haven't posted in awhile. Let's see where do I start....

B and I are not seeing each other anymore. This is definitely for the best. A part of me wanted him to be what I was looking for that I didn't want to see him for what he really was and he really was not good for me. There has to be a decent guy who will treat me with the respect that I deserve. I'm not wasting my time on a guy who doesn't have his sh$t together...doesn't really appear to want to get it together...and didn't seem all that interested in me anyway.

Saw X for the first time in 7 months a week ago. He's still sad, messed up, etc. Here's a story for the book :-)
M: I heard you were engaged?
X: It's a long story...OW's dad doesn't approve of us having a baby and not getting married so OW wears an engagement ring but we are not getting married. I told her not to wear it around my family, but she did at the baptism.
M:Ummm, doesn't that sound screwed up to you? In other words, she thinks you are engaged and you don't think you are?
X: Yeah, you can mark my words I will not be getting married in a year, two years, three years.

You think he's still crazy? Glad to see that him and OW have this great relationship built on honesty, trust, life-long commitment, and love. Whatever, I'm in a good place with him. He knows he screwed everything up and would in a heartbeat erase it all if he could....too bad for him that life doesn't work like that because he really did lose the best woman he will ever have when he walked out on me. He also mentioned that he now realizes that you can make it work with anyone...he should have figured that out two years ago when he was actually with a woman that he loved and that loved him.

I have decided to put my name in the running for a 6 month job opportunity in Switzerland with my company. I figured no time like the present for me to try to take on this once in lifetime opportunity. I should know about that in the next few weeks because it starts in September.

Hope --

Just read your post about the job opp in Switzerland...where abouts? Was just there for a few days last month (in the Alps...just amazing) and I loved the country!! Sounds like an amazing opportunity...and a wonderful new start for you as well.

Way to go for taking a chance on something like that!!

Best,

L2

It is in Geneva. This is completely out of my comfort zone to do something like this, but I felt like I had absolutely no reason to not at least look into it...it could turn out to be a really good thing for me...and it's only 6 months.