sue ~ you know the deal, you don't have to check the sitch... (thx btw ~ to you and Jeth for stopping by
mother of S1, D5... full time job... change in daycare routine because of summer, just major tons of stress and too small a bathtub to crawl into crying CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!
just stressed
you know? when your little one is trying to climb up your leg, getting snot all over your freshly ironed slacks, and the bigger one who is perfectly capable of getting dressed is crying on the bed for help... and the h is sleeping...
(and the land of expectations gets more visits than it should)
i know i shouldn't get mad i should go to bed with the kids and wake up two hours earlier than them just to get everything ready...
it's a hell of a lot of work and it's incredibly stressful sometimes...
looking forward, though... trying to learn
y'all have a nice weekend i'm off to phx for a pearljam show
Hey, Char - working full time and having a 5 & 1 year old? Almost impossible for any woman, including the wonder- kind. I haven't worked for about 2 months now. It is SO MUCH less stressful. Still stressful, but much less so. And, Sue is right - even staying home by myself I haven't been able to do everything, and i've been taking the kids to day care/school most week days. It's just hard to have kids. Period, end of story.
But, really, do everything you can to be kind to yourself. Stop with the "shoulds". If you're like me - and I am an early-to-bed-early-to-rise kind of person - you NEED that time after they go to bed to even have a small prayer of keeping your sanity. I wasn't able to do it, b/c I'd take that time for myself, AND I need a lot of sleep, and I just wasn't getting enough no matter how you sliced it. It was a trade-off between getting some alone time for my own sanity and getting enough sleep for my own sanity, and I couldn't do both. So I went insane.
It wasn't a very long trip, heh, heh...
If I could do it over? I'd have just said to SBH, "Look, I can't work full time and stay sane. What else can we do?" Even if it meant declaring bankruptcy, by gosh. Your sanity is not wortht the $$$$!!!!! Well, my insanity cost me my R with SBH. Having a full time income for that DEFNITELY wasn't a good trade!
Just listen to what your heart is telling you - I think lots of moms do find an acceptable "balance" of messy house, time with kids, time with self, time with spouse, and work. I sure wasn't able to. Not as a therapist. Hoepfully it will be better in another job. Hopefully we can live on my working part time. My kids are now 5 1/2 and 3 1/2, so it is also getting a little easier for me.
BUt I'll bet you anything my 3 1/2 will be MUCH MORE capable of independent behavior when he is 5 1/2 compared with D5 1/2 right now! They see the younger one getting help/attention, and need to compete. It's healthy (for the older sibling) but he!! for the parent!
Hang in there, Char! They tell me it's worth it heh, heh!
Char, Pearl Jam??? Yeah baby!!!! What fun. You know we have to just deal with the stress, the kids will get older but D will always want help whether she's capable or not and when sons nose isn't snotty he will be muddy or messy or whatever. Ain't life grand!!!! Once I stayed home to be a full time mom & homeschool the kids...our house got alot trashier!!!My cleaning abilities never did recover. Sorry mom. But the kids can name the presidents and there are happy....those were some of the best times I had. Have fun at the concert, don't yell at H for sleeping while your dealing with the kids cuz he'd just say what did I do??? rambling again Kim
"Those who don't read, have no
advantage over those who can't"
Mark Twain
Quoting Sadbuthopefulsam: ...a trade-off between getting some alone time for my own sanity and getting enough sleep for my own sanity, and I couldn't do both. So I went insane. It wasn't a very long trip, heh, heh...
hee hee ~ yeah sbhs, that's what i'm doing. it's actually what I started doing when I made the emotional split two and a half years ago. I stayed up til 1:00 am every night playing guitar in the freezing cold garage, then up at 5:30 to get D and myself ready... that cured the anxiety (third life crisis) panick attacks, but it didn't do squat for my R. I was so tired of trying with absolutely no results whatsoever.
Actually, I think that's when I bought my first copy of DB. I don't remember reading a thing, I think I just held it up for the shock value of having the word "Divorce" in my house. Didn't work. Maybe I should have read the book. :P anyway, took a breather when pregnant with S. I got pregnant with him after two official miscarriages (two unofficial ones, too). I'd decided NOT to have another child after all that strife, and at the same time I was working on getting quite the parallel existence at home.
I'd started a band and was beginning to "play out". The news of S hit pretty hard. I saw God as punative and as having a good laugh at my expense. I was stuck. Noone to talk to about it either. After all, what kind of mother didn't want a child? What kind, indeed.
Anyway, I am back into it, this staying up late. Tired as hell and wondering why I feel like crying half the time.
but hey, I'm getting ME time, right? :P
Seriously I know something's gotta give soon, something's gotta break or were gonna have charcoal spilled out all over the yard...
Quoting knowledgeispower: ...the kids can name the presidents and they're happy....those were some of the best times I had.
rambling again
I've missed your "ramblings" woman!
I've actually also considered staying home more or going to part time. I think I'd be happier. With D, I really wanted to get back to work, cabin fever and whatnot... but now, there really aren't enough hours in the day to do it right....
Another PJ show?!? Lucky dog (I mean that in a nice way...) - didn't you just see them a short time ago? Been a long time for me, they don't seem to come close to my area. That's one of my goals - see a good concert this Summer. Have a good time. BTW - I'm posting in 'Hopefullness', initiated r-talks and got an e-mail from W, love to hear your take...
Quote: Anyway, I am back into it, this staying up late. Tired as hell and wondering why I feel like crying half the time.
but hey, I'm getting ME time, right? :P
Seriously I know something's gotta give soon, something's gotta break or were gonna have charcoal spilled out all over the yard...
Man, you sound run down. Can you perhaps ask your H to give you some Char-time? All this emotional stuff can be so incredibly draining, and as you know, all of us need to recharge our batteries somehow. Sometimes I rip it up on the guitar, sometimes it's Yoga, working out, and othertimes it's woodworking. Thing is, can you have your outlets at some time other than 1:00 in the morning? Are you exercising frequently? I do know that when I exercise, not only does it release those wonderful endorphins, but I'm am energized for the day and sleep better at night.
i will jethro... not getting any exercise except for cutting the grass and playing with the babes... would love too, though... i really do think i'm going to have to start getting up at 5 to do it... go to bed at nine... something like that?
blegh... no chartime
okay ppls
charcoal blew it this morning...
H came out in the garage and asked "How are we doing? Are you seeing any progress?" I said yeah. H asked if I still thought about getting D'd, and I said yeah. H wanted to know how much. I don't quantify those things, so H asked if I want to D about half the time. So, that sounded right, I guess. H asked if I still thought about OM. I do and told him. H aksed if I thought about him everyday. I do and I told him.
So H says he needs to plan for when I ask him to leave. I tell H I don't want him to leave, that I want to keep working on it, and that there's been lots of progress.
H is down today, did not return the ILY on the phone.
Quoting charcoal: So H says he needs to plan for when I ask him to leave. I tell H I don't want him to leave, that I want to keep working on it, and that there's been lots of progress.
H is down today, did not return the ILY on the phone.
:|
ah, char, I just ranted on jethro's thread about how I wish I could ask things of my h and get an honest response...then, I read of YOUR honesty with h. and how he reacts. I'm so sorry. It's very courageous of you to keep being straight with h. about such hard stuff when he responds that way.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
omg sage! i'm here reading these fellas saying "I just want her to be totally honest with me!!!" so... here I go...
and
it'll be alright it's okay if he goes into J.Gray's cave for a little while i just want him to come out with a can do attitude i'm honestly NOT trying to defeat him i'm afraid he thinks i am
anyway, thanks so much for seeing that I appreciate the understanding very, very much.
heh, heh!