Your wife chose this course once before and, for whatever reason (perhaps due to your efforts), she changed her mind and waffled. But the decision never went far from her thoughts. In a sense, I think it was always there, waiting for "justification" to re-activate it.
When you failed to provide her with a life of happiness void of difficulties, the desire to bolt came to life actively again.
You know how it is when you've always wanted to do something, but you've been frustrated and kept from it over and over again? Eventually you're going to SEE an opportunity to go for it and, regardless of the cost, you're going to take it.
I think that's your wife right now.
She HAS to go down this road. And I know that's NOT how you wish it would turn out, but I really think she does.
The hope that still hangs out there, in my opinion, is that she will be broken in the process and finally confront reality. But this is not a hope to be clung to by you. Your role in this now is to get out of her way and let her go. At the same time, you must move forward and find your way out of your own mess.
There is a bigger plan at work here Frank, and I mean that in the spiritual sense. You have the opportunity to be a key player in this plan, but you can only accomplish it on your knees so to speak. I do believe that God is calling you back to Him, all the more so because of the battle that is waging around your wife.
Take care of yourself. See yourself healed, continue making progress on your work, and most of all continue humbling yourself to God, trying to find what it is that He is wanting of you.
Your wife needs to travel this road.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
...and I could not have said it better frank. Listen to Bill. If you stand back and take a 'reality' look...either of us...how far away are our W's from being in ANY position to sustain a loving and trusting R/M? Months? Years? Whatever it takes, they CANNOT focus on a marriage right now. Bill is right...you can only step aside and let her horseless apple cart careen downhill. Maybe...maybe...one day, she'll want to put the pieces back together with you..but...you can't stay on hold waiting.
Quote:
Wow, It certainly does make you wonder. If you chase anything in life it runs ... (law of the jungle) If you sit quite and still you are less threatening and more approachable.
I knew I read this somewhere before..from Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success:
Originally Posted By: Deepak Chopra
6) The Law of Detachment This law says that in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. This doesn't mean you give up the intention to create your desire. You give up your attachment to the result. This is a very powerful thing to do. The moment you relinquish your attachment to the result, combining one-pointed intention with detachment at the same time, you will have that which you desire. Anything you want can be acquired through detachment, because detachment is based on the unquestioning belief in the power of your true Self. Attachment comes from poverty consciousness, because attachment is always to symbols. Detachment is synonymous with wealth consciousness, because with detachment there is freedom to create. True wealth consciousness is the ability to have anything you want, anytime you want, and with least effort. To be grounded in this experience you have to be grounded in the wisdom of uncertainty. In this uncertainty you will find the freedom to create anything you want.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Saw my counselor today. We talked about the 'niceness' of W and she really thinks she is manic. She thinks she needs a lot of therapy, medication and prayer. She is really starting to wonder if she really will move out on her own, and points out that she has been wanting to 'find herself' for the past 20 years.
We talked about God and she asked me if I believe that my intuitive and intellectual abilities are just a part of me, or do they come from God. I said that I know they are from God.
She asked me if I thought W believed the healing touch she has when massaging is her energy or is she an instrument of God. I said that I think she sees it as 'her energy'.
Counselor observed that I am much more grounded, and I have a healthy outlook on this situation. My daughters gravitate towards me for support and they know they will be safe.
She suggested I love W from a distance so that if she does walk out the door I can be at peace knowing I treated her with love and compassion up to the very end.
Odds are she will end this marriage, but it's out of fear, not because of anything else. She is a very lost soul. Please pray for her. Her name is Lorri and she is my kids mom. I love her very much but I can't help her.
Despite what it feels like right now; you are helping her indirectly by detaching and becoming strong and healthy. You are the proverbial 'lighthouse'. When the storm in her mind is such that she can no longer see the shore she will see you standing strong and true as always
NC
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
You are evolving, my friend. You are on the right path. Stay the course. You are allowed and expected to be sad. Everything about this is sad. I can see that you now will not allow it to cripple you. Progress, Frank, progress.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
my prayers your way Frank)))))))))) BTDT, God give them (your W, stbx) peace one day, the kind they are trying so hard to find in the wrong places, not realizing that the only peace rests in God and admitting that without him nothing can be done.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks everyone. I'm really down today. I haven't felt this down for a while. I guess I've been able to avoid my feelings a bit but now it's all raw again. At least it's not overwhelming.
I sure wish God would whack my W over the head with a hammer and get her to see what she's doing to us all.
Well, I'll be all right. My house will probably start foreclosure on friday since I can't make the payment they require. I haven't felt as beat up as I do know, but I still have faith.
It sure would have been nice to have a W who stood by my through all this, instead of one who runs from me.
