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Almost every WAS says this. They rewrite the marital history and focus only on the negatives. This is one way they can justify their behaviour - EA/PA, wanting a D.
As far as OM, do not ask questions. In the book Michelle supports asking questions only when the unfaithful spouse is commited to working on the M. This is not your sitch at this time. Asking questions will make her angry and may push her further away. You cannot contol your W's actions, you can only control your own. Focus on yourself and your children. Be pleasant around W, say good morning, goodnight even if she barely responds, do some housework, GAL, do some 180's. Your W may start to notice some of the changes in you.
This will take time and patience. But it does get a little easier with time.

There are people on this site that advocate exposing the A to spouses, close family members (parents, siblings), adult children, 1 or 2 close friends. It is your decision and you may not necessarily get the results you hope.
You may want to post that question in the Infidelity forum and then make your decision.

Hi, CBK!

Really bad thought indeed! DON'T DO IT! If anything, it will make things worse.

Hang in there!

Addie, I didn't see your reply , sorry!

Thanks Stella and Addie - it was a passing thought. Just got off the plane and headed home - was able to read and do more homework in DR. I knew that was a bad thought - and I wouldn't do it. Just having a "moment." I told W that I would not tell a sole other than therapists.

We go tomorrow, so I am taking advice from you all and will not bring up the affair unless she does. As long as he is in the picture, she will not work on us - that much I get.

I will get home and tell her hello - see if she has any interest in my trip back east. See how she is doing - will get the "fine" answer. Then head off to bed.

Groan.

How do you get W to read other books. Even though therapists tell her affair is temp, hers will be different. I know some do work out, maybe this is one of them.

Right now, I have little resentment for the A - I want to learn from it and see how I can do things different - for this W or my next relationship. I have a good idea, but both at fault, which will be tomorrow's MC talk.

At least we are in counseling, she lives in the same house and is cordial with me. Those are all positives right now.

Thanks again.

Okay, just got home - I walked in and W yelled down the stairs hello and then hopped into the shower. I told myself don't pry. Went to the laundry room to help her take stuff down and she asked about my trip to NY - let her know about possible restructure - I asked how she was, she said fine, so I said okay and started to walk out the door. Then she said D called, made a little small talk. I said I am sorry she doesn't seem to be having a good day (today was IC for her) and then walked upstairs to this posting.

This is soooo hard...

Just want to journal a bit...

Right when I got in bed, the downstairs TV went on. I know she is bumming out today, not sure what IC told her, and not my business. It took all my will power not to go down and watch. She came up with laundry and walked past my room without saying a word... then I buckled - asked her how her Idol picks did (she is in a pool at work). She told me, was a bit animated, but did not poke her head into my door. I am okay with this. Although I said I wasn't going to say anything to her, I just couldn't. She will be heading off to bed soon, will see if she says goodnight or just shuts her door. Betting man says she will just shut her door. If I don't post again tonight, that means the betting man won!

Holy sh.. she said goodnight. I am not on cloud 9, but maybe cloud 3! :-) Doesn't mean a lot, but baby steps. This was one of my short term goals. And when I said goodnight back, I was upbeat, but not too over the top. I may be able to sleep tonight with out the meds!

It is a babystep and one of your goals.
Continue to be pleasant around W. Say good morning, goodnight, smile, make small talk. Even if she doesn't respond much keep doing it. Eventually she will start to notice some of the changes you are making. Keep your expectations low. Some days she may respond more and then other days she may be non communicative.

Nice work CBK. I'm having a read about due to my own sitch and my last post particularly, but reading yours has even made me more positive.

GL to you. How did C go ?