I'm a little confused. So you don't have an attorney? I wasn't sure from the posts. My case was really simple but I still used an attorney. It just helped so much. I knew the rules, the laws, and knew things were going as they should. Even if you aren't finally regarding the domestic abuse, I would use an attorney and a tax person so you go about everything in the smartest way possible. It will save you money in the end, in my opinion. It did for me!
Regarding the 401K, etc. My attorney gave me a spreadsheet. Basically it allowed me to input all our assets and all our liabilities, including retirement savings and house, and then come up with an equalizer (how much who owed who) to make things fair. It made things really simple. Certainly retirements acquired during a marriage (in my state) are considered part of marital assests. Had I wished, I could have used some of my retirment savings to pay out my H (I owed him money at the end of the D since I kept the home) but I determined to use other funds. How you divide things is up to you, but in the end, the equalizer tells you how much you need to come up with in one way shape or another to get things paid out fairly.
Last edited by galing; 03/01/0807:32 PM.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
I found out H's attorney is not using a sherrif to serve me, so I told H its ok to serve me @ work. The guard at the gate at work knows my stich and so told me he will call me and have me go up there so the server will not come directly to my office.
(SIGH) just thought of being embarrased as not evryone knows yet, but I am slowly telling my story as I know gossip goes around real bad.
So any day know I will be served.... Strangely so I feeling at peace....dont know if the will change once the papers are in my hand.
People @ work are even noticing the difference in look? I didnt realize it was showing so much at work until yesterday when a person said she hadnt seen my smile for along time?!
Oh, well life goes on....and I must go on livng the best life ever for my kids..
I think you need to look up the term QDRO on the web. What I understand is that you may get some or all of his 401k "depending on what you two agree to".
He may not want you to have any, and will have to offer you something else instead. Play hard ball and be careful.
Understand that if you get half for example, you do not actually get $20grand of a $40grand savings. You probably already know this. Whatever you do get must be rolled over into a 401k in your name. It is pretaxed earnings and will remain that way in an account for you. The Qualified Domestic Relations Order that must be filed on your behalf (usually by the plan administrator of the current 401k)would be described in the settlement. The plan administrator would follow the requirements of the decree upon settlement.
Now about the $20grand. If you cash out the account as soon as it is in your name, that is taxable income at your current tax bracket. Some bad news. You don't have to pay the 10percent early withdrawel penalty just for moving it from his account to yours. Because it would come your way by divorce, I think you could then close the account for cash without paying that extra penalty. Some good news, but check this out yourself. And pay your taxes.
If you do discuss this at work or among friends ask if any of them have had this kind of settlement and learn what you can. Also, beware of STBX wanting you to be responsible for all taxes if he closes his 401k in order to give you half the cash. He would get the other half, and you would be responsible for all the taxes ... and the ten percent early withdrawel penalty.
If he cashes out before the D just so he can split the cash with you, it is penalized. Negotiate carefully. Try to focus on a settlement that does not expose you to heavy taxes. Consider things like how much equity you two have in the house and how is the market? If you move to an apartment and loose your tax deductions for things like property taxes or mortgage interest are you still ok? If you get the house clear to sell for yourself is there enough equity to make up for no 401k? You usually don't have to pay any gains taxes on the sale of a house, up to a fairly high level.
Just stuff to consider. Good luck with the negotiations. I also used a mediator but I just paid for a meeting environment. My L was very little help. I was forced to do my own negotiating after all so you might consider avoiding paying for help that you don't really get. It was more like moral support than hard ball negotiator. If you do pay, ask what they do for the money.
Your a great help!! I will research just that. Also knowing how revengeful STBX is he will prolly make me pay for any penalties.
We prolly dont have much equity since we've only had the house for 4 years. And H wants to sell for only what he owes and not make any of off it.He does want our plumbing loan to be paid off any gains, so I doubt I will get any $.
I emailed him to ask for his realtors name and # so I can go sign the listing papers and he hasnt replied. Hmmmm not in so much of a hurry are we to sell? Either way I will be starting to pack up stuff this weekend(if possible w/ my daughter's bday party sleepover..ugh a house full of my 3 girls and somemore girls!
You sound as if you're resigning yourself to the fact that he will make you pay.
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so I doubt I will get any $.
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Also knowing how revengeful STBX is he will prolly make me pay for any penalties.
It does not have to be that way at all. It's up to you to stand up for yourself and your daughter. If penalties are to be paid, then those should be shared.
We sometimes get into a mindset after trying but failing to save our marriages that bad things are going to happen to us.
They will if we let them, but we also have the power to change things. What happens to us is a direct result of how we react to things.
It was just a "thought" after reading what was2sad wrote. I did some research just now and it states that if I do get part of his 401k as a result of a D, the 10% is waived.
I actualy have been very positive about the whole thing and looking forward to my new life. So much that thanks to God he has given peace in knowing he will be my attorney.
I cant afford an attorney.
Let me show you an example of how my H's mindset is: After I let on to him that I had total rights to his 401k and after he closed the garge door, he threw a glass bottle right where I would have to back up on and possibly ruin my tires. Well, thank G it dint do anyting to the tires as I backed up. that same night when I returned I noticed peices of broken glass everywhere just before I re-entered the gargae and I swept it up.
He has had bouts of temper tantrums especailly when he has convinced himself that I was dating or had a boyfreind and he has thrown stuff or spilled stuff on purpose all over the kitchen floor. He on several occasions wouldnt pick up the kids cuz "he wasnt going to babysit for me to go out w/ my imaginary boyfreind".
The two attorneys I saw told me I didnt NEED an attorney that I had a real GOOD case. So I am gathering all my paperwork and typing out my side of the story.
The attorney is NOT to make sure you can get D. Your "case" is a completely different matter than your "Settlement".
You need to have someone qualified to help you make the BEST POSSIBLE case for yourself after the D.
I paid for ONE HOUR of the best attorney in town to learn how to get the BEST POSSIBLE settlement for my life after D. That $300 saved me over $30,000!
Please do what you can to make sure your angry, abusive, aggressive STBX does not end up with money that is rightfully yours.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
The two attorneys I saw told me I didnt NEED an attorney that I had a real GOOD case.
I am going to be very blunt - I think the two attorneys that you saw are quacks!
I am an attorney and I hired an attorney that specializes in D to handle my D.
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The attorney is NOT to make sure you can get D. Your "case" is a completely different matter than your "Settlement".
You need to have someone qualified to help you make the BEST POSSIBLE case for yourself after the D.
I paid for ONE HOUR of the best attorney in town to learn how to get the BEST POSSIBLE settlement for my life after D. That $300 saved me over $30,000!
SG is right. The primary purpose of the attorney is to negotiate your settlement. I believe in hiring the best and paying more for fewer hours of his/her time rather hiring a lesser attorney and paying for a gagillion hours of their time.
As for the domestic violence - that is typically irrelevant when it comes to the financial settlement. It is relevant if you are trying to limit a spouses access to kids b/c he poses a threat to their safety.
I worked in the dv field and I can tell you that in MN, anyway, domestic violence cases that were settled and the other person attended anger management type classes...and they are over 2 years old...really won't even affect the amount of time your spouse will see your kids.
You have to prove he is a threat to them...not to you. They might suggest a safe space drop off type center but that is it.
You need an attorney... I understand you can't afford it
I can't either but you need to have someone look over your records. A lot of attornies will help set up payment plans!!!!
