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oops-I do not believe she has not crossed the line -other-than EA..

Hello -

In my excitement today -I realize my spelling has been 4th grade at best..lol..

I ask humbly for everyone's forgive..
Anybody here?? It is progress isn't.. I can't Thank everyone for being here for me..

We still have a long way to go..But I feel with DBing and you all-

IT CAN BE DONE..i hope..lol

Anybody have any thought's , questions, thing to look for ??

I only wish I could help the others on this board -As mush as everyone has help me and I hope to continue with us on this journey..

???????????
Should I show G/F this site and my thought's..I have never hide anything from her??

PLEASE HELP WITH MY QUESTIONS??

I don't want to mess this up and backslide with this progress achieved so far..

I am not sure if this will be a bitch session or work on (R)..

She want to discuss our relationship -Most likely issues with me..
She seemed willing to discuss drinking..

She is still in absolute denial , but willing to understand me problem with (OM).. Swears no physical contact with (OM).IT IS THE GREEN EYED MONSTER..

She says she has no interest at all. He is the same age of deceased son.. Am I crazy??

Do I really believe she would stoop to break up marriage..
Swears sense she moved out -My confidence has sunken to so low and jealousy is so strong..

I messed up last night and told some mutual friends -I had caught her and I could forgive her.. But I told on her and I jnow she will find out and feel so violated and betrayed -

I really have already so concerned ..

what should I do ??

PLEASE HELP WITH MY QUESTIONS??

I don't want to mess this up and backslide with this progress achieved so far..

I am not sure if this will be a bitch session or work on (R)..

She want to discuss our relationship -Most likely issues with me..
She seemed willing to discuss drinking..

She is still in absolute denial , but willing to understand me problem with (OM).. Swears no physical contact with (OM).IT IS THE GREEN EYED MONSTER..

She says she has no interest at all. He is the same age of deceased son.. Am I crazy??

Do I really believe she would stoop to break up marriage..
Swears sense she moved out -My confidence has sunken to so low and jealousy is so strong..

I messed up last night and told some mutual friends -I had caught her and I could forgive her.. But I told on her and I jnow she will find out and feel so violated and betrayed -

I really have already so concerned ..

what should I do ??

I've seen others advise (and I was early on advised) that you shouldn't show this website or the books to your GF or H or whatever. They are for you.

I think it sounds like you are still too focused on your GF, the OM, etc. I think you have to work on focusing more on you: GALing and doing things you enjoy. This should help increase your self-confidence & self esteem which will help you out also. Follow the other advice you've been given. I would also suggest you visit the other threads here as well. So many of us have surprisingly similar situations and I have learned a lot from doing that as well (and made some good friends too I think)!

THANKS KAREN --

You are correct and WILL START re-reading the previous advise given..

This board is wonderful and hope to earn everyone's friendship here ..

V/R,
Mark

Mark, listen to Karen. Don't show her this site or your books, those are YOUR tools and are to help YOU.

Don't worry about telling the friends, right now just focus on yourself. You can't control what she does, you can only control you. Keep going to the gym and find stuff to do that makes you happy and starts or continues POSITIVE changes in you.

It helps to read others threads and you can get great advice and ideas from them as well and as Karen said, make some great friends. I don't think I could have kept on in my sitch without the people on this site.

So do what you need to for yourself and be strong.

Good Morning All,

UpDate from Last night:

Went onward to GYM. Without her.. Had hard a great work out - Sure reliefs stress..
I left GYM to go home and shower to meet G/F for dinner and G/F was already at my house. So we skipped dinner and had a wonderful chat and discussion about issues in our (R)..

Of course she into issues with me-

But look -right is right and wrong is wrong- As stated,we all realize that we our none -perfect-Whether they are either real or precieved -

Can we wear the shoe on the other foot..But it comes to the point whereby we admit our true weakness and improve or keep bad behavior..Decide if the precieved issues if not real in nature can be understood and understood by partner.If not then it would never go away and always be back and forth in bad (R)..

After truly listening to her and G/F TRULY listening to me and my side.

I feel great headway and progress was achieved.. Though still a long way to go ..

1)She admitted - If Shoe on other foot- She would have not only not like the idea of (OW) "friend" to confide in.. She would attacked that as I have and (OW)..

2)Though she was/is willing to tell me any details of EA.. I really do/don't want to know.. But asked her some broad stroke questions anyway..I do believe she sincerely answered my questions and is/was truthful..

3)She Loves me -With all her heart - Bonded to and through me as a friend and lover..

4)She belonged with me and belonged in my home and farm.. As our home..

5)Understands my feels of regaining trust.. It is work for her and US..

6)She agreed to counseling

7)Admitted Drinking is/has/seems to have become an issue.Not that we have problem -But we went from having a few drinks and enjoying each other to drinking to get drunk..That is the problem..

8)She said -I went from being man of our home,confident Leader of our home -To a wusse and non-challenging to her mentally and sexually.

9) She said -With those issues -How could she know -If I could provide and protect and achieve goals/future with me..

10)She admitted I had become a "NICE GUY" without boundaries.

11) She agreed that EA with(OM)MUST END..

12) She wants a life -Was feeling cheated as more un-confident I became.. Was having feelings of nearly a scorned woman-She knows I am more of a man than that, expects more than from me..Hense Scorned.. Interesting..

What do yall think..Please be painfully truthful..

PS: I feel like progress was made and believe it or not she giggled and laughed, cried and wanted to be intimate with me.Uhmm

Actions my friend. Actions speak louder than words. Lets face it, cheaters lie and will tell you whatever they think you need to hear to keep things "Status Quo" and continue cake-eating. I sincerely hope and pray she is ready to do what it takes and I'm pulling for you, but time will tell if she is really going to do this.

Not trying to burst your bubble, but just a caveat to you...keep doing things for you and let her do some of the work to make it right. Change the things within yourself you want to change and the rest will take care of itself.

Have a great day and I really do hope things are on the up-swing for you, that'd be a WONDERFUL thing to have happen to someone here.

Grumpyeby,

You are exactly correct..
The real burden falls on her..
My burden is self improvement on my part-

Understanding to this end:
She must achieve her stated goals..
I am continuing my goals for self-improvement..

Progress to me is :
It is so good for her to really just talk about issues she has with me and my issues

Once issues are brought out into open,then corrective measures are planned and if meant to be solutions achieved..

As for me continuing GAL and 180..


Thanks again for your and all others support..

PS: She wants to go to GYM with me tonight..

Can you or anybody think of something I might have not thought about - Due to over-excitement ??