We are on the same page 100%.. I am going to let (OM)wife find out like I did.. On her own.. It will be their mess and not one I created..
It just amazes me -How G/F can do this ..As
She was legally separated for 10 months with her(H) - When I met G/F.. reason for their break-up HIS (P)AFFAIR WITH HIS EX-WIFE??
WTH?
She has still not divorced her (H) and recently told him and I (BUT not together at once) but same day - As long as she can keep his military medical VA benefits -She has no plans for continuing BD.. She told me that he also stated -Not like he wanted BD nor to remarry either. So it would be OK to stay married to each-other -But not together in any way.. I do know she wouldn't have 30 sec for me though..
But to start her own (EA)while with me ??
The more I continue to break this down -The more it appears -Just a large mess..
But I still have/had serious long term hopes though and Love for her..
Also it seems she always would marry b/f (4x) as she would tell me - She had feelings of a concrete life with them and with-in 3-5 years -Truly colors would then come out and ruin it.. She is currently in 5 marriage now - But just postponed her BD with medical benefits..
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
Hi Puppy Dog Tails - What should my next step be.. Allow (OM) and G/F to pick up the rest of her things here Sunday??
Go dark with her??
I believe I ruined this (R) ?? Any suggestions .. Or Just move on ..Learn from mistakes and quit?
I want to tell (OM) wife so bad...
What is next move recommended??
I'm not Puppy but my advice would be: yes, let her pick up her stuff if that's what she wants. I'd be friendly, but no pursuing, begging, pleading, or anything doormat-related.
Re: going dark--I would say that's a good idea if that's a 180 from how you have been acting with GF. If you've been chasing, begging, pleading or anything like that. DR says if what you are doing isn't working, try the opposite & that makes sense to me.
You did not ruin this relationship, you may need to work on some issues as no one is perfect!, but your GF is the one that sounds like she is ruining your relationship with the OM. I have really had to work hard on this myself, not blaming myself but I have realized that is pointless and probably not true!!!
I don't think you have to move on and/or quit if you love your GF. You said the OM is married so doesn't sound like OM is the perfect guy to me!!! What I would recommend you may want to do is just working on yourself instead of focusing too much on your GF. Work on any issues that caused problems in your R and that you feel you need to work on. For example, in my case, I was a doormat, very dependent on my H, and depressed. I have been working on all these issues: doing good on the last 2 and still working on the first but I've improved!!! Working on being stronger, more independent, and happier (I see a C and take AD's) has really improved my PMA, confidence, and now I feel like if H decides to divorce me for OW then it will be his loss! I will be able to have a more positive, healthier relationship b/c of the changes I have made myself, whether with my H or not, and that is probably the most important thing to me.
Work on GAL: I joined a new church and am trying to fit in some of the church activities, I'm doing a play and that takes a lot of time, and I exercise a lot as I think exercise is really good for your confidence and PMA. But whatever hobbies you would enjoy and would give you confidence I think are good.
I know there are several on this board that will probably suggest telling OM's wife is a good idea, but I think if he is texting, calling, and spending as much time with your GF as you say she probably already knows (but OM's wife may blame you if you get involved)!!! I think GF & OM's relationship is most likely doomed anyway. Karen
Mark,
I agree with nearly everything that Karen has said here. I do think you should expose the affair to the other man's wife, because she has a right to know, but everything Karen has said here for you to focus on is good, sound advice.
I suggest you let her guide you, and steel yourself for the rough patch ahead.
Well the little secrets keep incoming to me.. It may seem I am obsessing about this .. I do not believe -As I am going dark towards G/F.. Started yesterday..
But this is an update:
A good friend said following -He saw G/F with the (OM) in a night club a short distance away.. He ask her where is Mark - Her reply-We are taking a break..She was still living with me at my home..
My(D) told me late last night:
G/F told her Thursday -That (OM) was asking her to move into her house .. As a roommate though..
G/f followed replying - But I don't want all that - He is a married man. It wouldn't look good for her or him..
The one thing I need for now.. GAL, GAL ,GAL and 180...
I am waiting to see - When G/F and (OM) are coming to my home to retrieve her few remaining items : Tanning bed ..
Should I locate everything I can find and place at door -So she nor (OM) will have to look around to insure they get everything.. It isn't like I want anything of hers and its has for the most part been gone now since my birthday.. March 11th ..
See I am different from most here - She claims it is me the forced her out -Again..
I believe I will go to Doctor and get Meds for all thius..
We had issues more and more -As I write and think about it..
Am I correct when or if you truly love someone that forgiveness is natural - That though is not to say - That is it easily forgotten..
Why then would she always throw up things from last year or things I did a year ago.. Know using them as a weapon against me and her justiciable for leaving .. She had never said a bad word about me to anyone ( her family) til Friday night - Then it was spewing.. I never ever cheated on her -But I am believed she felt cheat by me..
V/R, Mark
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
Why then would she always throw up things from last year or things I did a year ago.. Know using them as a weapon against me and her justiciable for leaving ..
You nailed it. She is justifying her behavior. Sure, every relationship has it's problems, but it's rarely the fault of one person. Deep down, she probably has some guilt (but may not admit it even to herself) so she demonizes YOU -- it's all your fault. Many times a WAS rewrites history. What you remember as a not so bad R, was never any good to them. We know that's not true. But they have to do it so they can live with themselves. We call this alien spew around here.
Don't listen to it. And if you find yourself doing it, too, ask yourself if it really makes you feel better? I think it only makes you bitter. On the other hand, forgiving yourself for your mistakes, and forgiving the WAS, helps you heal and move on. In the end, you're a stronger person. But it does take time.
Thanks Joie I thought so as well.. It does just bring me so far down on the worthiness scale...
She has stated in the past - When questioned about her true feeling for me.. He is a great guy.. Wonderful.. She always tells everybody I am good to her..
I would rub her feet every-night.. Foot pad problem with her right foot..
I had just started (since OM) whereby would brush her hair til she fell asleep ..
Please forgive me for posting every minor thing..
Strange feeling today as morning is progressing though..
Is it really normal to begin to refelt and even question the relationship.. As I write things down or re-think (R).. Or ???
AM I ALSO RE-WRITING (R) .. Something to think about ..
I just know sometimes I read to much into things according to G/F... lol..
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
Thanks Joie I thought so as well.. It does just bring me so far down on the worthiness scale...
She has stated in the past - When questioned about her true feeling for me.. He is a great guy.. Wonderful.. She always tells everybody I am good to her..
I would rub her feet every-night.. Foot pad problem with her right foot..
I had just started (since OM) whereby would brush her hair til she fell asleep ..
Please forgive me for posting every minor thing..
Strange feeling today as morning is progressing though..
Is it really normal to begin to refect and even question the relationship.. As I write things down or re-think (R).. Or ???
AM I ALSO RE-WRITING (R) .. Something to think about ..
I just know sometimes I read to much into things according to G/F... lol..
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
Maybe I missed something last week.. She kept telling me I had nothing to worry about with (OM) - SHE WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME ??? BUT MY GUT FEELING WAS SHE JUST WANTED TO HAVE US BOTH...If she had finally admitted to anything and told me she had broke off contact and how sorry she was... My heart is so full of LOVE for her.. I would have believed her and started working on all the issues.. But she keeps in complete denial .. Then when you re-read some of the other post from yesterday- Secrets incoming to me about her actions...
It has now been 2 full days since have heard from G/F.. I always would hear from G/F while she goes to work in the morning NO MATTER WHAT-But no call this morning:( .. I haven't called Brother Inlaw or other family members -Like I would before -HUGE STEP FOR ME !!1
But I really feel I know G/F -I believe she is done.. I also remember a little side thing she told me while staying at my house last week..
G/F had dream she saw me kissing another woman and broke it off with me in her dream.. She woke up and told me she had dreamed about me...
I just blew it off though.. Funny how less than 2 days later... Bam... On Friday night at her house with her family and friends-I felt I was being attacked verbally on Friday night - To the point I found myself defending myself and pride and self respect..Less than 1 hour after I went to my house - Guess who appeared?? Then they were laughing and saying those brutal things and laughing about me..
She is the type - When not pursued - I am afraid she will move on..
MY HEART IS BROKEN ..
Thank the Lord for you all hear to hear me and help me through this ..
Gotta go for now to work - But will be online in a little bit.. Advantage of being self-employed..
V/R, Mark
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
