NC, After this past weekend and the blow up my H and I had, I too decided to stop wearing my wedding rings. I think I've got make myself detach and not feel married anymore, they don't.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
In case you didn't see it on Yoyo's thread, I posted this for you:
Theoden's Burial Song
Out of doubt, out of dark, to the day's rising he rode singing in the sun, sword unsheathing. Hope he rekindled, and in hope ended; over death, over dread, over doom lifted out of loss, out of life, unto long glory.
I am a huge fan of Tolkien. I wrote an English thesis on Tolkien's work. I have always been an apt student of myth and folklore. Studied a wide range of Indo-European literature, especially Germanic and Celtic. So I appreciate how Tolkien called upon his knowledge of language and literature, and rewove ancient themes into his own works, and created something so much more, with a strong moral fiber.
I have been a student of ancient and medieval history.
My personal interest is the late antique and early medieval era. Roman Britan, the wandering Celtic Saints, the Anglo-Saxon Invasions, the Vikings, etc.
As you probably know, Tolkien was partly responsible for helping the light bulb go off in CS Lewis regarding the importance of myth. He told Lewis that all myths find relevance and meaning in the One Great Myth, which the narrative of the Gospel. And, Tolkien said, the Gospel is the one myth that happens to be historically true.
Have you read "On Fairy Stories"? It's an essay be Tolkien. It's freakin' brilliant.
NC, Sorry to hear about your job. My job was eliminated last summer and although devastated at first, it has worked out to be the best thing that has happenedin the past 18 months! I used to commute and now work locally, hated my job and now really like it, and got a pretty nice pay raise to boot!
In my professional opinion (having been on the other side of the table in these merger/layoff situations), the company would have let you go if they didn't think you could make an impact. They had the perfect opportunity to let you go but they didn't.
Like Yoyo said.. everything happens for a reason.. You just don't know what it is yet.
Yes, I've read a number of Tolkien's essays, and his "On Fairy Stories" is his most notable. His definition of "sub-creation" as the highest form of art, or even any human endeavor, is indeed brilliant -- and which strikes a serious spiritual chord with me.
Tolkien considered Fantasy to be a lens by which we can see Reality more clearly.
I finally got my S's on Friday, and have had a pretty good weekend with them. I took them to another dinner party last evening, with my DivorceCare friends and their children. We all had a good time, and another long and interesting discussion. There were several interesting questions and lines of thought.
W called as expected, if a little late more often than not, both in the mornings and the evenings. But I noted she's calling using her work mobile phone. That usually means she's calling away from house. And I have very little doubt that her real reason for being out is not for work related reasons, especially at 8:30 at night.
After the party, around 9:45 PM, I drove us by the house -- just to prove what I already knew. And yet she still pretends to be pure. What a shameless harlot.
Oh, the question of the night at the dinner party was, "If you were guaranteed to have your kids no matter what, and knowing then what you do now about them, would you still marry or get involved with your current spouse?"
Most of us said they would. Me, I said I didn't know--I would have to think on it. I have continued to do so. And after some weighing of the pro's and con's, I now believe that my answer would be "No".
I would certainly have dated W, but knowing what I know now, and without the children as part of the equation just for argument's sake, I would have dated W, but I don't think I would have asked her to marry me. Surprisingly to myself, I now feel that I would not repeat the mistake of marrying W.
Don't get me wrong. I do still love my W and I cherish the good times I've enjoyed with her, but were it not for my two S's, I would not have married her knowing she was capable of what she has done. She has changed my life in ways that I cannot begin to measure, but I now have to face the fact that W has held me back from life these last ten or so years. I have been in orbit around her much too closely -- I have been tidally-locked to her, to the detriment of my soul in the long run.
I have had to face the sad fact that my W is truly lost. I feel that divorce, infidelity and hedonism are a spiritual cancer that has claimed my spouse's soul. It has been difficult for me to admit, but her heart is just as black as can be now. I cannot trust her. I am even beginning to doubt her ability to act as the mother of my children when she places her own self, her own desires ahead of her family.
I hate that I am feeling this way. I want to be wrong. I want desperately for her to somehow prove me wrong. But I can no longer waste my time and energy waiting for that, even if it ever can be.
I may feel differently tomorrow, or next week. But I don't think so -- I am ready to turn the page.
