Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Beauty is still holding on ths site and kids..

Joie! How are you?? I hope everything is good for you!
His intension... I have been thinking about it these days. I HAVE NO IDEA! We have not talked about D for a while nor M. You are right about waiting but I don't know what I am waiting for... I feel like I am not done with DBing but he has alot to work on himself... I cannot ignore a few baby steps but I also cannot ignore that he is still being a**.

What he is doing wrong... still messing around with some females, constantly 'text'ing someone even when I am sitting right next to him, he does not tell me any intension regarding 'me'. he does not have money, he does not spend enough time with kids (when he does, I am often times included in time together)

What he is doing positive (baby steps)... he show caring (he asks how I am doing, complement how I look), he cooked dinner for me and kids at his place tonight, he has a plan to go to a training at new factory job next week (finally!), he has not asking "can you do me a favor?" about a week, he actually canceled to go to a soccer meeting so he can cook dinner and I can go to work,..

Tell you the truth, I am not completely ignoring other people around me. I am exchanging e-mail with one person. Very innocent conversation such as everyday things, movie... and just a few sentences each mail.

I sent H a text tonight.. 'I am attracted to you and love you but will not ignore other people. I may hung out with someone. If so, 'I' may or maynot be the same.. I don't know right now. I am wondering if 'us' or 'you' will be the same. You don't have to say anything and I am not asking you give me answer. Just for you to think'

After that, we exchanged several texts.. here is the summary of his text,,,,"I have no right to stop you from meeting other people. I care about you and I feel upset in my stomach. But I guess this is the result of what I asked for. "

The outcome is something I expected. He has no intension about M/R/D. He does not know what to do 'I don't want to let you go but I don't know if I want you' But now, he has something to think about.

Girl!
you are very sweet person.. Thank you for asking about me. Yes, you are right. All my family and friends are back home. My only family here are kids, H and his family. I have not told my family about the situation and don't think I will have any support from them because they are anti-divorce/single parent. I had very hard time convince my family that H would be a good husband and getting approval from many people (not like I needed approval but wanted a blessing) Now, H is loved and accepted by my family/extended family so it is hard for me to tell them "umm.. by the way, he left me..."


I will come back for update soon.. my feeling is all over the place (as usual).
Beauty

PS...
I have noticed...
1)he leaves cell phone around sometimes and rings!.. it used to be ALWAYS in his pocket/silent or vibrate. He used to sleep with it under his body but now there is a distance...(I have not looked at it for a while...)
2)H is checking my cell phone when I am not around... (I have not confirmed yet)
3)He is not sure if I am at work or being with someone... (when he says so, I usually let him wonder...)

He is questioning or paranoid.. or I am becoming mysterious.

Journaing...

H has said lots of R talk last night. He said he loves me soo much. He said he think about me alot and wants to spend time together over the summer (he said thought about suggesting to visit my family back home as a family)

GAL and 180 are working but H will be H for a while. He does not want any commitment or take responsibilities. I guess our R is better than the time " I will never come back to you".

H said his R with OW1 is ALMOST over. To me, what he says do not mean anything. He need to prove with his action that he loves me. He again invited me and kids for dinner and said at last " this is relax and nice." So, I am trying not to blow up on small things.. try to be patiant but keep working on GAL/goal.. (well.. I am pretty behind from these things for a while)

Beauty

Journaling...

H is going crazy! or I should say I am driving him crazy! He expressed his feeling.

Summary... 'I think it's wrong to say but I do not want to be around you if you are dating someone. It will be pretty much divorce. I don't like how I am feeling. I know I am over reacting but this is how I feel... I am really jealous and when I think about you being with someone, I cannot stand it. I knew this day would come but I am not ready for this.'

It seems like I gave him the similar speech multiple times when I felt desparate. I am not sure how to react to this..

He asks about what I am doing, what he think I am doing, he guesses what kind of men I may date, just all about my date which has not occured yet. He does not seem mad at all.. just kinda jokingly bring the topic up.

I said to him " I cannot believe this is how you act after you put me through all the things you did. It does not make any sence that you have other women and don't want commitment but you are acting crazy if I date with someone else"

He said "I know... that's why I said 'It is wrong to say this... but it's how I feel' but again, I am not stopping you. It's your life"

I am confused ever! I don't know what to do... He is thinking about me alot. It is good.. right?
Beauty

Feedback to my own post...

When you are confused, go back to the beginning.. read DR!

Chapter 5 talks about LRT and it gives me good idea of what I should be doing while I am seeing him curious about me.

Continue what I am doing.. He is curious because who I am now. I should not be changing dramatically. Continue to be 'mysterious'
If you are in the simmilar stage, stay with me... here the list of the things you and me should remember...

Stay cool.. dont get overly excited
Do not backslide from hard-earned changes
Keep doing what working for you.. for me what I am doing is...
do not call him, do not ask about OW1~2,3,4,..., do not get upset about small things, 'I' statment, no snooping (just because it hurts me..),


Here is my agenda:
Politely says 'no' to some invites.
Do something for myself.. (Today is my shopping/nail day!)
Be confident, keep working on physical appearance,
be happy,
be busy with lots of other things H does not involve.

These are in my mind at this point... I think good enough for now.
Beauty

Yes!!! H will wonder what you are doing, even 'encourage' you to date but be jealous at the same time. Keep strong and faithful and I think the BIG key is to GAL w/o H in mind, but include him from time to time.

Hi lwb~
I went shopping and peachy nails~ I am soo feelin' good
H called me (again, it is new for him calling me and not text! oh.. and last night he called me to say 'thank you' for letting him study all day not being with kids..) before I was leaving for mall and asked me what's my plan for the day. I told him my plan and I was going by myself.. and H said..
"I want to go.. but I can't.. awww, but you should call my sisters or call your friends"... he was going to invite himself to my day.. typical of him.

Later, I stopped by to give him our car and he gave me hug for hello. He is changing.. It is nice to see he is being good person.
Beauty

Journaling...
He continue to call me instead of text. He even leave messages "I haven't heard from you all day and am wondering how you are doing..." For several months, I thought I would never hear that kind of words from him. I know H is trying because I may go out with different guy, that is the only reason. 180 is not the main reason for him... I knew it would be the only time he would come around me again. That's him... If I want him fully working on R, I will have to D him and have a one way ticket to my country in hand and say "I am leaving you now".

He continues to say that he likes new me but he doesn't think it is permanent. He think new me is temporary and once he comes back to me I would go back to old me, boaring person. He says I am working on myself only for him to look at me. Makes me very sad when I hear something like that. I am so happy who I became beause of 180 and GAL and he is not encouraging to stay that way. Just being skeptical about it.

Beauty

Beauty,
If you are happy with your changes, that's all that matters. That's what 180's and GALs are all about, making your ownself happy. You're great!

Hugs, Yoyo

Yoyo

Thank you. I needed to hear from someone. I was in a hole and feeling I needed H to validate me but you are right. I am happy, that it matters to me. I want to stay who I am because it is my life and not his. Because I see the baby steps, I get confused and lose my tracks... I feel like this harder than when he was not around at all!

Beauty