Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Stronger - but still confused

He is gone for night 2 I did not give him the letter, it is too early, I know he is not ready to commit to that yet. He did make a nice supper. He did not try to suggest staying although he wasn't packed when I got home(slept in his work clothes last night). There is a suitcase beside the bed where I put it, he took 2 grocery bags 1 with toiletries 1 with his work clothes for tomorrow. I asked why he didn't take more and he said he would come back tomorrow to get it. When he was leaving I said, is that it? And he replied, you are the one that doesn't want me here. So I did give him the first line of my letter, I said you seem to have trouble with the translation, I have never said I don't want you here, you are not here because you refuse to commit to our marriage due to your obsession with another woman. He left crying and then sent a text saying sorry he left like that but it was hard to say goodbye to d4. I responded that is why I wish you took all your stuff tonight, we do not need to go through this 3 nights in a row. He said he will return during the workday tomorrow.

Great job!!!

Its so hard with him gone. I know, H left in February and its better, but still hard.

Take care.

I let H sleep at home last night. He contacted me a few times after he left, to say sorry for what happened on Saturday that he is sorry but does not even know how to be sorry enough. He does not remember at all. He remembers me sitting on the floor of the bathroom crying after he threw everything around, that is about it.

He slept in his car Monday night because he had nowhere to go. He had told me last night that he was going to sleep at his friend's house but at 10:30 let me know he intended to sleep in the car again. I asked him what his long term plan was and he said he couldn't do anything else because I still had his paycheques to pay for everything in the house while he slept in his car. I asked if he would prefer that I file for separation immediatley so he could free up his paycheques, this was met with an immediate no, that is not what I meant. When he looked for work clothes this morning(his little plastic bag still in the car) he couldn't find any. I pointed to the suitcase he had failed to pack the night before that I did as soon as he left.

This is not a dropped subject but it has turned into the difference between accepting the terms of the letter I wrote yesterday or getting legally separated as opposed to moving out. It is true that unless he moves in with family(who he refuses to go near since I have told them) it will be impossible for him to live separately on what is left after all the bills at our house are paid, and as much as everything has sucked up until this point, it is not fair to take his money while he sleeps in the car.

Yes, it is. He made his bed and he needs to lie in it, in my opinion.

Why are you sheltering him from the consequences of his infidelity and his disrespectful and hurtful behavior, Neecy?

Puppy

He needs to start going to Alcoholics Anonymous.

I'm wondering myself....Not so much about the infidelity anymore....but the behavior.....and the likelihood that another raging outburst will occur.....????

I DO hope that I am wrong.

(((((((Neecy,)))))))

If this is really what you want, then I would tell H EXACTLY what you EXPECT from him. Controlling? Yes, but under the current circumstances, I would expect you to do NOTHING LESS.

He f*ed up, BIG TIME. LAY DOWN YOUR BOUNDARIES AND SEE THEM THROUGH. AA should DEFINITELY be in there.

Good morning everyone,

I want to thank those of you who come and visit everyday and bang your heads against the wall giving me advice. I do take it to heart and try to follow it. I am not going to be posting for awhile. I think it is obvious one of my biggest problems is my inability to detach. For this reason I cannot set boundaries because I am so concerned what is going on as soon as I set them.

I am thinking part of my difficulty detatching is that while the goal is to GAL and focus on me, I spend A LOT of time everyday focusing on H, what he is thinking, what he is dong, what will he do if I do this, if I say this, if I write this letter. I post on here and read all day long at work and whenever he isn;t home, I speak to the employee assistance counsellor everyday and a couple of concerned frineds call daily to see what happened last night. This results in me spending the majority of my day talking about H, people disecting his every move and thought and mine. I can understand why I can't detach when his every move and possible thought is all I think and talk about. Thank you all for your efforts, your concern and your constant support.

Denise

Neecy,

I'll be waiting for you to come back when YOU are comfortable with it, and thinking about you and praying for you. I respect your decision. You have plenty of information with which to make your decisions and plans anyway.

DO please try to have a SUPPORT system for yourself, if not a continuing ADVICE system for the time being. We all care about you.

Hugs,

Puppy

Neecy, I know it's probably difficult to hear and deal with everything everyone has to say (here on the BB and at home). (((Hugs)))

I think it's great that you're going to take a break for awhile. I believe you are long overdue for one! Please let us know from time to time how you are doing because we do care.

Neecy what you wrote hit home with me so hard. I too spend hours each day focusing on my H and what he's done to me.I let the OW into my head all day long and it ticks me off!! This is what she wants. she wants me to be miserable she wants me to throw him out. H has told me that the way I've been acting is not attractive. Who can blame him. Many hours have been spent in bed with the covers over my head wallowing in my own self pity. I listened to friend that may have good intentions but really don't know what they're talkign about. One friend told me that H should be kissing my butt and buying me flowers and gifts. Heck at this point I would be happy if he would stop loving the OW and find his way back to me. Slowly but surely I hope this will happen.You take all the time you need but do your best to GAL and make yourself happy. I know detachign is so hard and it's taken me months..I'm finally starting to get it.Stay Strong you'll be in my thoughts.