Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I don't think I can live through this anymore

KPK - I was wondering what was going on with you. I'm so sorry to hear that your H is throwing the D word around now. All I can say is that the crying will eventually slow. It won't end completely, but it will become less all encompassing.

I have been reading a book I picked up this last week that has really helped me. It's extremely uplifting and inspirational. It's titled "When He Leaves" by Kari West & Noelle Quinn. These two women have been through similar experiences as ours and have come out the other side stronger and with more zest for life. I would suggest any woman going through separation or divorce read this book.

Keep being the best YOU that you can be. That is all that truly matters right now. Do it for you and the kiddo's. They deserve a mom who can find the joy in the small things.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reflect on that.

Originally Posted By: KPK

I just didn't expect to be 40 and in this situation- I know it's just a number, but it's a big one!

Thank again.

LIFE BEGINS AT 40.

My H met OW 4 months before my 40th birthday. I was dreading spending my birthday 'alone'. My H actually sent me a card in with my son. I wasn't expecting, nor did i want one. I didn't even open it. I gave it to my sons gerbils who gnawed it up. I have no idea what he wrote in it ... I still feel good about that to this day,

My 40th birthday was an amazing day. I treated myself.. with the money I would not have to spend on his birthfay present. My son and I went out for a chinese meal, we were treated like royalty. I will never forget my 4oth birthday.

Being 40 is what you make it.

Enjoy.NC.

I am glad you are setting boundaries for your H.

You are not a doormat or someone to be kept on the back burner whilst he sorts out his feelings for OW.

You need to be strong, a person that he would respect and be proud of. You need to show him how you want to be treated and if he is unable to come up to the mark then reduce his contact (with you)

i actually let me H see son as much as he wants; but not in my home. They can go out or to my H home. H makes more of an effort with son than he ever has.

For me. No Contact is about protecting myself, allowing myself to recover from the hurt and pain of the breakup and become strong emotionally. It has given me space and time to think about what I want and what is best for me without being manipulated and upset by my H. No contact is about taking back control.

Karate is great. Any exercise is. I have spent hours just walking. Son and I have had some fantastic times wandering through the woods and playing on the beach (even in this weather)

Be strong, don't let him see you upset. let him see you are happy and he will begin to wonder why.

Good luck NC

YOu are sounding better K, and bravo and taking up sword fighing, how cool! I remember back when H left the first time I started working out, haven't stopped since! I look better and it is something I enjoy for ME alone, feel like i've done something good.

Where do I go from here? It was terrifying to think of a future without H, one feels that way if you are 30, 40, whatever, I had to slowly look into myself and picture a new horizon with just me and the kids, it took a while. Sometimes denial still gnaws at me (legal S is still in the works), but I know I have to accept my sitch.
At the beginning i was also terrified at the tought of being alone, of not having a man. Slowly,as i became more confident, i realized that I didnt' want to deal with someone elses baggage just yet, that I'd stay on my own for a while.

We are all human who yearn for companionship, so it is normal to be scared of being alone. If it is God's will that i meet a good loving kind man, let it be, either way, I will continue to throw myself into the many things i've been meaning to do but couldnt' because I was trying to give my H all my attention (to no avail, he checked out emotionally long ago). I will do more volunteering and have accepted quite a few positions in church.

Yes, it is so easy for them to throw all the guilt our way since they are unable to pinpoint why they feel so uneasy/empty, the first person in their line of vision is us, so, we *must* be the problem! and thus history gets re-rewriten and we are the wicked witches of the east.

I really hope you go to C yourself even your H doesn't want to, I was able to regain some sanity by joining my county's women's support group, it was awesome. Any therapy will help you defuse, the kids will pick up on your sadness/fear, do it for them too, you are the only sane parent they got now, take care of yourself, you can do it, have faith, it's ok to be scared,it is normal! just dont' let your fear paralize you))))))))))))))