This is what I have done this last few weeks...that is why things I think have esculated so much. For the last year I have sit by quietly for the most part. I haven't laid many boundaries. I haven't DEMANDED respect. I have pretty much laid down and let him and OW walk over and over and over me. Now I've thrown a wrench into the game. I have stood for ME and they don't like it. You see, it doesn't even matter at this point if I end up pushing him into a divorce. I only know that I cannot sit by and let this happen to me anymore no matter what the outcome is. I guess at this point I've pretty much proved that if he really wants to be with her than he is going to have to go get a D. It's his choice. I will NOT sit by and let him continue to see her while we are legally still M.
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I keep asking you what is your H seeing when he looks back to see what he is leaving behind.
A woman that will do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING to save her family. A woman that will stand by her H through everything better or worse. A woman that never gives up. A woman that can hold her head high and know that she is good. A woman that isn't afraid to fight for what is her's and what is right. A woman that can STAND on her OWN 2 feet without ANY help from ANY man. A woman that will stand face to face with any MAN to fight for what she holds dear. A woman that is honest. A woman that is good. A woman that is pure. A woman that works hard. A woman that takes care of her children no matter what is going on with her.
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TOH, what woman is he seeing?
I REALLY don't have a clue...this is what he should be seeing because it is who I am right now. But with OW and MLC blinders on I don't think he can see past OW's big a*s!
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Is that a woman he wants to be home with?
Don't know what he wants now. But it is the woman he was proud to call his wife for 23 years.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
yes you are. you are taking ownership of what happened
NO i am not! I am taking ownership for ME and what I did! My H went tooo far! PERIOD! But if I would have left it NEVER EVER would have even happened. He did not keep me there to beat me up. He did not hold me down so he could take his frustrations out on me. We BOTH were wrong. We both are frustrated and hurt and full of pent up emotions...we BOTH have had enough.
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uhmmm she gets the abuse too....it wont end w/you.
I think you are right. I have said for a long time that if he stays with OW, she will one day pay for what he lost to be with her. Because if he loses me and our girls and this farm in the end, this man will never be well again. I believe that in my core as well as all of his family.
hes escalating..it will become easier for him. hes crossed that threshold. Yes if it doesn't bring him back to sanity first.
what part of this do you not see?????
The last 24 years that I have spent with this man.
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far far away from that man
your right...for now.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Where do you draw the line? A push? A shove? A kick? A punch? Broken bones where
The fight the other night would absolutely draw the line for me under normal circumstances. In NO way would I accept that behaviour from my H. But this man that he is today IS NOT my H.
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Is it also fair to say that your H behaviour is getting progressively worse? At first he only hit you when he was drunk .. not he is sober. He used to be faithful now he has OW. He promised to love you and never divorce and yet he is treating you worse than he would a stranger on the street.
He is now in MLC...
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YOU are showing yourself no respect by continuing to allow him to treat you worse than a dog. Why should he respect you?
This is where you are wrong. It is now that I AM DEMANDING respect or a Divorce finally after a year of total misery.
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and says YOU need to draw him back in. WHO does he think he is?
when he made that statement my first thought was totally what you did. Then...I think this was a total honest statement. I really think that my H does want to come back to me. Does what to be in love with me again. Does what to be attracted to me. But right now the feelings aren't there and maybe this was a call for help from me???
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If I was you I would leave him and OW to drink themselves to death and get on with my own life.
I understand that and some days I would agree with you. But bottom line is I LOVE my H. I DO NOT want this man he is today. I am just doing everything possible to hang on until (GOD WILLING) when/if my H clears the fog. Wrong? I hope not.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Too true. You have been conditioned to think this is normal from your childhood.
No I do not think this is normal at all. Our lives haven't been normal for 12 months.
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You H seems to be acting out what he saw growing up. Be prepared and at least have a back up plan in case things get worse
I have my lawyer set. I am ready to file if necessary. For now...I wait.
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It isn't your fault.
Your are right! and I do know that. I only take responsiblity for ME
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
TOH -- my mom used to say the same things you do. If I wouldn't have pushed - if I wouldn't have kept asking questions - if I wouldn't have...today when she and I have talked she says the same - yes we should take ownership for our "pushing..." BUT here is the kicker ---- he yes HE lifted his fist to YOU. YOU didn't do that. If he was a "man" he would have turned and walked away - ran away if he had too...but instead he "Showed" you that YOU needed to back off.
In hte early stages of my relationship with my H I used to kick him - spit on him - try and get him to react -- push him to the point that my mom used to push my dad (REMEMBER I was trained that she deserved it because she wouldn't stop pushign) GUESS WHAT --- MY H NEVER I MEAN NEVER layed a hand on me. AND HE WOULD HAVE DESERVED TO.
As I have alreayd asked you - what would you tell your daughter if someone EVER raises a hand to her? Thats all "We" are doing...we are saying YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!! AND YES you are right - stay away from HIM from HER from them...it is toxic for you.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
If you stayed all night in front of H's house that night, your husband should have:
1) not laid a finger on you.
2) called the police.
You are STILL blaming yourself for his abuse, saying you should have left and it wouldn't have happened.
I am thinking about you, know you love this man, but when you say things haven't been normal for 12 months, you are forgetting the other acts of violence that was heaped on you during your entire marriage. Drunk, sober, covered in paint, doing a hula hoop, your husband has no right to touch you.
You are receiving such emotional responses because we care.
