Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives unevitably aboard the D train...

Cat,

I go to a dance studio as well. I take something else but they do have classes that teach all of those dances. They don't call it that though. I know it's popular because when we get done that class is getting ready to start and there are lots of people waiting to get in. I go with 3 girlfriends. Maybe we should look into that for a change of pace.

try it! and let me know how you like it. I know the line was unreal when they first had it at my gym, you had to take numbers, eventually the class was so crowded they started charging the members, classes where packed.

Hi cat03 -- I'm sorry you're having a bad day. If it helps, I just wanted to say that you've done something nice today for someone else... me. As you have done, today I choose to no longer live in denial but accept where I am and make the best of it.

Did someone say dancing? Who dosen't like to CHA-CHA? For me, dancing is therapy.
Ya baby...dance, dance,dance...

Well I started out in yoga with a group of friends. Then a male friend had asked me to go to this studio and take ballroom. I was really uncomfortable with that, but I did go to a have see. Then I saw this other class. It looked like fun and the women were laughing and joking. I went to yoga and told my friends and it sparked their interest and the rest is history.

I'll bring this up to them as well. Maybe it's time to try something else!

Thanks

Hey sad ...cha cha cha

Morning Cat--I hope your Friday is better.

OT is right on the money--the emotional battles will blow over and become things of the past, but that healing won't start until you can keep yourself from engaging in the painful interactions. It's easier said than done, but part of the growing process. You're already mostly there hon, you KNOW why you have to keep working on detaching, biting your tongue (or typing fingers ), getting yourself to do it is the hardest part, but will get easier with practice.

You are doing such a fabulous job--hang in there, I wish I could come to your dance class, it sounds so fun!

smooches to all)))))))

Feeling MUCH better, just came from seeing my C (who used to be our MC)

Boy, do I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was able to voice all my complaints hurts anger, there were a lot of issues I had resolved in my mind already but it felt good to voice them out loud, to have him remind me how many times I had stood for my M and had done all I could.

I have to write 2 great things I got out of my session today. One was about how upset I automatically get when talking to him in regards with SA I'd get so angry, and he validated me telling me that it is understandable since he's the one abandoning the family and this is hurtful. But to also think about how my emotions are serving ME? if the anger is used in order to protect my or the children's rights, then it's constructive, otherwise, to think what those emotions were doing for me.

The other biggie, was about my self esteem in regards of ow, him leaving me, how I viewed myself. He told me that I didn't need male acceptance *specially 4nowH's acceptance* to view myself as a talented person. That despite all the crap he put me through I stayed in the right path, I offered good things to him anyways. That daily I bring good things to the table in my Rs with my children, friends, coworkers.

That 4nowH didtn' have the final say in my worth since right now he is blinded by that fatal attraction to ow, who despite being nothing short of a prostitute, low moral unbalalanced woman is still around. That that R is based on emotion thus he can't see what he is loosing: a family and a partner who is responsible grounded and respectable. For now there is that pull she has on him, that that kind of R isnt going to develop well.

So they might end up together, married, whatever, since H never got over the thought that he was responsible for her for lying to her and that he always wanted to save her--that was who he is now, someone I dont' want with me, someone who wasn't able to fight for his family, to give it his all for something worthwhile. C said how he had told him he respected all my good qualities/moral standing but that he just couldnt' relate to me. That part I'll chalk up to good ol' MLC, because he was a very uptight conservative person who looked down at people who cheated/lied, etc etc. and now he is around a person who represents the opposite of what he used to believe in.

I was feeling much better already by morning, but I'm so glad I went, I feel like this octopus who was squeezing my heart has been pried off it and now I can breath freely

Cat this is so true and it's something I think we are all struggling with, acceptance and approval from our spouse. I know when I have those times I struggle this really is at the core of the problem. What we need to do is make sure we learn to recognize when this is happening with us so we can pick ourselves up.

So when you do feel better, feel more confident in yourself, what is it that you've done that's made that happen?

well, I guess I've accepted that H's opinion is not infallible, it was at some point, because he always had been the man of my life (I really didn't have a serious bfriend before him). I guess it also involves taking him out of the equation as far as how much he means to me. I use to value him highly so his opinion mattered a lot.

Now, sadly, I have to recognize how low and deep he's fallen, he isn't that good man with morals and spine I married. I have to accept that the person I choose has fallen, I pity him somedays, maybe some day he'll open up his heart to God and will find goodness again. In the meantime, he is broken, he knows it, and I now will plan a life without him.

fig reminded me of another point C brought up, that as much as I wished to go back in time and do things differently things would'nt have changed, H would've still made the bad decisions he made because HE was the problem, I did all I could, the rest was up to him.

Doing ok today, bear with me, I'm a believer I think when one is doing fine and getting stronger is when the enemy tries to drag you down even harder, so I think this is what is happening, I was doing so well 2wks ago, and lately I've regressed to denial, NO! I dont' want to be in denial, I want to remember that H was FAR gone, when he was with me he had plenty of chances to make things right, but he was just miserable in our home, no matter how good I made things for him, until he fixes himself he'll always be miserable and unable to give.

I've asked myself, what I want? what kind of man Iwant for life? a man that is glad to see me, who thinks of me as his friend, who lovingly would caress my face and love me, faults and all. 4nowH is FAR FAR from that kind of person.

Crawling from rock bottom, God is great and has answer my pleas for help.

I'm a Shakira fan (she belly dances real good too ), just wanted to post partial lyrics to a song of hers that calls to me now:

Don't Bother

She's almost 6 feet tall
She must think I'm a flea
I'm really a cat you see
And it's not my last life at all

Hey hey

So don't bother
I won't die of deception
I promise you won't ever see me cry
Don't feel sorry

Don't bother
I'll be fine
But she's waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don't bother, be unkind

For you, I'd give up all I own
And move to a communist country
If you came with me, of course
And I'd file my nails so they don't hurt you
And lose those pounds, and learn about football
If it made you stay, but you won't, but you won't

So don't bother,
I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
Promise you won't ever see me cry

And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type
Promise you won't ever see me cry

she can move things that I didn't even know existed!!!

sheeeeeeeesh!!!