Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? #3 Did I find DB too late? Maybe not...

Hmmmm, things are changing.

We have been getting along well and actually enjoying each other quite a bit recently (IMO at least). H got in very late last night after another business trip and stopped by the house this morning per our agreement. As he was leaving, D6 asked what he was making for dinner tonight and he replied, "You know D6, I haven't even had time to think about it. CW68, you're welcome to stay for dinner tonight if you'd like."

Since I didn't have plans I accepted the invitation and knowing how much he's been working yesterday AND since I appreciated the text last night, I told him I'd even make dinner if he'd make it worth my while. Honestly don't know what making my while would be. Anyway, when he came in, he didn't kiss me or hug me, which is the norm. OK, I'll let it slide. He was fine, but just not "there." I decided that I needed to leave just after dinner. Part of it is that I know he finds the house empty and quiet when he's with the kids and I'm not there, another part is I wanted him to do all the clean up, bedtime, etc. but most of it was that I was just getting sad and wanted to leave before I was really sad.

My D6 followed me upstairs as I went to grab my stuff and she said that they were going on a bike ride and wouldn't I like to come and ride my new bike? I told her that I had to go. She was sad and asked why, I just told her that sometimes I have to go before I get too sad, but that I'd be back bright and early in the morning. This girl is 6 going on 16 and she totally understood. Then when I came downstairs to say goodbye, by S5 didn't want me to go. In a playful way, he kept saying, "No, don't go, come with us to the sand park!" And I just couldn't find it in myself to stay. My goal way to play it cool with H and give back as much as he was giving me, which wasn't a lot, but wasn't completely cold either. A quick peck, said I had to go.

My cool bravado was blown, however, when I put my shoes on and started to head to the garage. S5 says, "I just saw a very sad face, Mommy. Is it because you have to go and can't stay all of us together?" and I did a little backsliding by replying, "Yes, I don't get to stay all together as much anymore." H was standing there, I gave him another quick peck and took off, using all my might to not break down in tears in front of everyone.

I spend the next 30 minutes quite bummed out. Stopped and picked up some ladybugs for the garden as the kids and I have been looking for some to buy for days. We have massive aphid colonies everywhere! Pick up beer and potato chips, a sure sign that I'm upset. Get to the apartment and his flippin' motorcycle is in the parking space and I have to scrounge for an open one. All of this is old hat, a tune on loop to be repeated ad nasuem.

Yet about ten minutes after I settle in, a text arrives on my cell. From my H. "Sorry I was out to lunch tonight. Work is killing me right now, daily headaches and stomach aches from being stressed. not much fun... Hope you are doing ok."

Two days in a row where he reaches out to me unnecessarily? He admits some kind of culpability?

I responded along the lines of "Thanks for the note, I'm ok, meds for your tummy are XXX if you want them. Hope you find a way to release your stress." Letting go of stress has been a problem since we were dating.

When I called to say goodnight to the kids, I could hear him in the background, "I want to talk to Mom before you hang up." I asked if he got my text, he did. Told him that I really hope he finds a way to release his stress and that I'd see him tomorrow morning. Got off the phone on my time.

This is getting interesting.

Of course I don't want to read too much into this, but

Keep it up, cw! NO EXPECTATIONS!

(((((cw68)))))

Yeah, I always leave before the cool bravado is blown, but it is hard. I don't get much time around W to begin with so usually don't have the chance to get down. Ummm....beer. 180 for me there. It doesn't help. Keeps ya sad. Yesterday did garden stuff. 30 minutes bummed...this occurs to me also, usually the first day I have 5D and then the first day without 5D. Don't know why. Maybe it's just the shot of jumbled up life. Always something missing.

However, be happy...he asked you to stay for dinner. It's hard but that is a good sign. Also, just because park was difficult for you doesn't mean it was a backslide. Shows you love your kids. Nothing wrong with that. I think you did as very well. You tried to avoid further awkwardness but it presented itself. That happens. You did well.

I think you are doing great and keep it up...remember no expectations...as if...

gl2u

The potato chips were the sign I was bummed, I generally don't eat junk food because I have NO willpower. If it's not around, I don't really miss it, but if it's there, I'm in trouble. Ate half of a can of Pringles last night. Low fat, does that help? hehehe

No, when you're sad beer doesn't help. I don't think I drank more than three drinks all of last fall just because of that. but I ended up in a pretty decent mood after the text, so I had two beers.

Yes, he asked me for dinner and that is good. The text is what really made my day, however. One, he felt the need to apologize. Two, he noticed that I was kind of upset and three, he reached out to me.

baby steps.

I HATE BABY STEPS!

LMAO...that's hilarious...I don't like em either, but I'll take em...Mine is friendly now. Not "friends again" just friendly. And that sure beats the opposite. Bunch of baby steps, gets ya where ya need to go...

gl2u

OK, if anyone's reading this, can I get some advice? H just sent me this email in response to me telling him the hardwood is in and I've lined up a truck this weekend to use to pick it up.

"What are your plans for the weekend, do you want to hang around with us or are you busy? I don’t have anything specific lined up.

Oh yeah, Saturday is parents night out, right (yes, I’m clueless)."

Parent's night out is at our health club, the kids are entertained and fed from 4:30-8:30pm. I signed them up a few weeks ago, mentioned that I'd be doing some art stuff and told him he was welcome to come join me, but no response.

Last weekend I mentioned that I was thinking about meeting some mutual friends for the art stuff and asked him if he wanted to join us. He just said, "well, parent's night out ends pretty early." but nothing else.

So, do I jump in and see if he wants to come to the art thing/do dinner with me/anything while the kids are busy?

crap, went to close the email I was working on and hit send instead! It's not a bad one or anything, but should wanted to wait for some advice. FYI, here's what it said, "I have plans Friday night after work, but nothing Saturday and Sunday I’d like to go to that Annie’s Nursery thingie. I was thinking about going down to 2nd Saturday, meet up with K and J, but haven’t actually made plans. Do you have plans during PNO?"

I've been meaning to go to 2nd Saturday! I have yet to go, and I've heard wonderful things about it! We should try and meet up sometime.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with inviting your H to do something with you, as long as you keep in mind that he might say no or make other plans and you need to be okay with that.

Yeah, but since I've mentioned it twice without him biting, is it a cheeseless tunnel? Is it pressure? Or, with the baby steps that have been happening, should I?

2nd Saturday is fun. My friend plays acoustic guitar at Java City at 6pm every 2nd Saturday. I went with the kids last month and they really enjoyed it.

I think if you have actually said, "do you want to do X?" then the ball is in his court now. Just plan without him and if he decides to join you, then great.

I don't think I can do it next month, but maybe over the summer. It sure sounds like a blast!