Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? ms ladybug concerned...MR bug wants to move home.

That's not true. It's just that unfortunately, there are very few people who have the needed specialization to deal with it well, AND very few abusive persons who are willing to try to work with it.

You have to have BOTH a professional skilled in working with abusers, AND two willing spouses.

That combination is unfortunately all too rare.

Ping1, I'm glad to see you've recognize what you've done and want to change even if it means you may not get her back. My H knew he was abusing me all along but tried to convince himself he wasn't and that it was all my fault. He only showed me (with his words and actions) that he didn't care enough about me or the marriage to put forth effort UNTIL I was already done and I asked him to leave. [/quote]

Sienna, people can change when they want to, I didn't think I needed to change either until W and I seperated. Has your H made any attempt after the S to change at all? Have you seen any change in him? Would you be willing to work on saving your M if he were to change?

Not everyone is equal but anyone can change if they first recognize they want to change and then do what it takes to make it happen.

Yes, I'll go with what Dom said. I think the CDC reported something like 2% of them do change? But even then abusers will say/do anything to make it look like they are going to change and even show changes for a few weeks and revert, but it's just to get you to stay put or under their control. So deciphering real honest to goodness change (and if it's lasting) and his promises to change can be difficult. Good periods rarely last.



Ping, I've read your stitch. Maybe you're looking to see what someone in my shoes thinks (we may have similar situations) and if there's a chance for you. I don't want to take up too much of Ms. Ladybug's post, but I dont know how else to answer you since PM doesn't seem to work.

Should I post it in your sitch?

Sure, you are more than welcome to post in my sitch.

Nothing new to report. H is pulling bit by bit closer, but still has the occasional odd outbursts. He bought another motorcycle last week and I tried really hard to bite my tongue. I don't mind the motorcycle, but now is a really bad time to make large purchases, and we ALWAYS would consult with each other before doing something that big.

I did make the realization that it's been 6mos since he moved out. 6mos!! How do I feel about that? Very mixed emotions. It's been mostly 6mos of calm in my house, with the occasional angry calls and angry visits to disrupt the calm. There is also the occasional nice visits and family-like times. Such confusion!!

Anyway, he wants to see me tonight. He'll probably just come over for dinner.

so.... what about the counselling?

Oh yes, he does bring up that he wants to go to counseling. I told him that I have a couple names that were recommended, but he wants to get a rec from his IC. It'll happen.

I think we shall all be very interested in the results of the first session

sounds like there wont be a session anytime soon, me thinks he's bluffing.

well, i dont think he's bluffing... i think he wants to find someone that his "IC" ("Incompetant Counsellor") will recommend to him, that will say that he doesnt have to change anything about hiimself. lol.