I sure seem a bit down today. I have a lot of worry about my financial future. The appraisal on my house was $100K higher than it was 5 years ago, so if we do get a D, I dont know where I will come up with the funds to pay off W for her part. I owned the house 5 years before we got married and I dont want to have to sell it, but I cant think of any other way. I was hoping to refinance on the equity to pay her off, but the appraisal value puts it out of reach.
It does not seem fair. My W goes out bar hoping and meets a rich guy. Then I only get to be with my kids half the time and OM fills in as fake dad during the other half. And then to top it off, W is going to get around $200K from assets and my retirement, plus the spousal and child support is going to really make it so I have to scrape by for quite a while. I worry that maybe the best thing is for me to sell the house so as to pay her off and get by for the 4-5 years I have to pay spousal support.
Kerry, Financially it is a huge disaster and it is very unfair. Its probably easier to accept something like hurricane Katrina than this. It is very similar to the story of the prodigal son in the bible. The GAL and PMA takes your mind off things for a few hours or days and then its back to writing those checks and feeling the burden; I try not to let myself get angry. All I can tell you is that I share your feelings. Only in my case the financial burden is about twice as bad.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
Super impressed with your golf swing in such a short span of time!!! It is a tough sport so you should give yourself huge kudos for the strides in your game!
I on the other hand only played golf twice, for work. And I did a little dance if I was able to get the ball to come off the ground!
I'm sorry your wife has been accepting these gifts from OM... Her actions at times do seem like she is wanting to walk away.. you are probably right that OM is trying to buy her affection.. if it's working than she really needs to re-evaluate what's important in life.
I know what you are saying. I'm facing the same thing on a much smaller financial scale, but I'm looking at feeling lucky if I can get out of the divorce w/out having to still pay off all the credit cards I'm maxing out to pay for attorney's fees. I'm going to lose my house, most likely, and that is very sad.
fb2 said: "The GAL and PMA takes your mind off things for a few hours or days and then its back to writing those checks and feeling the burden" That is so true. You can escape for a bit, but it still is disheartening and sobering when you have to return home to reality.
I'm sorry you are here as well. You may be best served selling and moving forward even though that isn't what you'd choose to do.
RTL - I think I may just withdraw from some of my retirement along with doing a refinance on the equity and let her have the rest of the assets (stocks, mutual funds and cd's). I will be left with no liquid assets, but I can rebuild after a 4-5 years of spousal support. But there is still a chance that my situation may not end in a D.
RTL, your situation is much more serious because you are fighting for something far more important than monetary issues - your D4's benefit.
Just checking in on you Kerry. Glad you are enjoying your golf game. That is something I may add to my list of summer GAL plans. I have only played a couple dozen times over the years, and I only have two clubs. I borrow my H's the rest of the time. Will have to get my own set....But I do enjoy it, even if I am bad!
Sorry about D calling OM daddy. If/when my kids call someone else Mommy, it will suck! But as a school teacher/former day care worker, I know young kids call any adult mom/dad if they are around them a lot. So it might not be that big of a deal. I had a third grader call me "mom" at school the other day...but I still know it sucks.
When W dropped the kids off tonight, D5 said something to her about her coming back and that she was torn between OM and myself. W laughed and I tried to find out exactly what D5 said that was so funny, but W would not repeat it.
Then when I was putting S7 to bed, he said that mommy said that she misses me a lot.
Hopefully, I may soon be at your point BBJ, where my spouse wants to come back and work on our M. Then I will be facing the same thing as you in dealing with trust issues within myself.
Thanks for the comment to me, Kerry. But I still don't know if H wants to come back. We have both been on the rollercoaster (me and you, not me and H) long enough to know that downs often follow ups. So I am "flat" about the whole thing. I can't let myself get "up" b/c of his recent actions or I will fall even farther when they change or stop....
It is good to know that your W says she misses you a lot. But I have to ask, I am curious, does W discuss this stuff with your kids? Trying to figure out how a 5 year old starts talking about mommy being "torn between you and OM". Guess I know from experience they overhear things even when we think they don't.
Anyway just wanted to say it is good if she is missing you. IF they feel "bad" about how things are going, that could be chalked up to guilt. But if they honestly say they "miss" you, that is more about the love, I think...
If you can do that and save the house, then go for it. It sounds like you really love your place and it would be a shame to let it go.
I'm torn here on my place, but if I can't buy W out, it has to go. If I can keep it, I'd rent it unless I get full custody or primary custody and can stay here w/ D going to school nearby. Otherwise, it is too much for me on my own -- just barely -- but I'd be pretty strung out financially.
As for having time to rebuild my assets, I know what you mean. W thinks I'm trying to "bankrupt her" by asking for 1/2 custody. That isn't anywhere close to being true. By bankrupting W, I'd bankrupt myself as well. All I said to W was I didn't care if I went bankrupt as my possessions and credit rating isn't nearly as important as my spending time w/ my D. Period.
I figure the worst thing that happens is I'm filing for bankruptcy at age 38 (turning in November), then it is off my record by age 45 and D is only 12, so I'd have plenty of time to rebuild my retirement funds and assets. I'd have to work another 20 years or so after age 45 anyway. I guess W doesn't get it that I'd rather be broke and w/out possessions than to be filled w/ "stuff" and not have my D. It really isn't a contest to me.
It sounds like that is the road you are taking as well. Talk it over w/ your legal and financial people and put together the best plan for you. Hopefully, you won't need to do it as your W will figure things out and work on herself and you both on the M, but if not, you'll be covered for you.
Take care, and keep swinging the club. You can't put it down now. You're just getting the hang of it, my man.
