Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again I think we are in a rut

I personally don't think that snooping is wrong 100% of the time. There are times when you really have no choice but to snoop. When your S is not being upfront and hiding things and you have a reason to know what is going on. Living in ignorance is not ideal for any of us. We may not need to know all of the details of an A, but the fact that one is going on is something that needs to be revealed and if your S isn't telling you the truth or the whole truth, then what else can you do?

Some people snoop all of the time. They have no real reason to snoop and THAT is what causes a lot of problems.

You also have to be prepared for whatever you discover when you snoop and figure out what you are going to do with the information.

Snooping all of the time isn't good. Occassionally snooping is at times needed. Why did you look at the webpage? Did you need to find out some hidden truth or were you just nosey?

I know that the times I have snooped when I had no real reason to made me feel bad afterwards. Although who am I to talk? I still have the OW as a friend on myspace and occassionally look at her page just because....

Sara

It goes without saying that he is slime for lying about it all.

What does that change?

Well I have never been a snooper. Like I said, I trusted H completely. The first time I snooped is when H started acting weird...and of course I found something. I saw the phone records and then a text from OW.

Honestly Sara, I guess I looked at it because I was nosy..and because deep down I figured he was lying and I thought I would find something eventually. Snooping or not I don't trust him. That is what I am hung up on right now. Should I be fighting for someone I don't even trust. I think I can forgive him...but I don't know if I can trust him.


Doesn't change anything....except makes me wonder if I even want to be married to a lying slime.

That was exactly my point. If you want to be married to him, it won't matter in the long run - you would work through it and he probably would regain your trust. If you don't, then it doesn't matter one bit.

(((Kris)))

What do you want?

I guess that is what I am really struggling with right now. I mean really. In the beginning I just wanted him back. I wanted him at any costs...I really felt like I would put up with anything just to have him back.

Now, I see we have both changed. The only difference is that he isn't progressing. At times I feel like now I only want him back because I don't want to give up. I am stubborn and I don't want to fail.

Kris, you have not failed. You are not a failure. You have given your H more of a chance than most of society would. You have tried.

I don't think there is any rush to make a decision, you can always give him a little time to see if he progresses. But if you do walk away, you are not a failure.

Thanks Michelle. The feelings I am having right now just aren't ones that I expected. Maybe H has pushed me to my breaking point.

This weekend should be interesting since I am going to meet up with the in-laws. I know MIL will be asking me all about H...and since I have talked to him for a total of about 5 minutes in the past two weeks, I probably won't have much to tell her.

She gets really upset about the situation. She probably gets more mad at H than me. I was looking forward to it...but now I am feeling like I just need to separate myself from the whole situation...in-laws included.

While I understand their concern, don't let it dominate the weekend. Just say that he has been busy or you have not seen much of him and ask her if she'll drop it. Especially if you flat out say, I'd prefer not to talk about it, most people will leave it be out of politeness.

I think it's possible to separate yourself from the stitch w/o separating from your in-laws. Just enjoy the weekend and have fun, leave the R/M/H stuff at home and ask that they do the same.

Well, if they bring it up, I will just say I don't want to talk about it. I think they will respect that.

On a side note, I have just been curious as to why OW didn't have those pictures up when they actually were together....and then it hit me. He was still in the AF at the time. If I had proof that they were together then I could have gone to his commander with it. He was already in trouble because he had been slacking at work since she came along...and that wouldn't have helped. I am sure he told her not to put them up at the time.

I remember him asking me...I think it was after I found out they were living together..."are you going to go to my commander?? I would really like to be prepared if you do."

I know none of it matters as to the why now, why not then...I am just journaling my thoughts. It kind of makes sense now that they wouldn't have been up back then.

That is an interesting coincidence. Of course, whether it was that or whether it is her desparation or some comination thereof could be speculated on until the end of the world lol. It's so easy to do though. And so much more fun that work sometimes!