Hi all - thanks so much for checking in on me. Still working on that courage thing. I have been SO busy both at and after work I have barely had a chance to even catch my breath this week. (not using that as an excuse for "the talk" - more an excuse for why I haven't been on much!)
My mom and I are going to the Springsteen concert tonight after work AND tomorrow in San Jose, I am sooo excited!! It's a tradition we've had since I was 10, we haven't missed a local show of his. Going to be an awesome weekend.
Probably won't actually even see H until Sunday except while he's asleep, but I promise myself and everyone here I am psyching myself up for that conversation.
SD - thanks especially for the comment on detaching from the outcome. For some reason that wasn't "clicking" in my head and that helped a ton. (oh and I hafta tell you, your "hot monkey sex" comment made me laugh then gag... I'm taking it as a good thing that I was able to laugh at it for a sec ). I was having a very hard time picturing how to do this calmly and that detaching thought really helped.
Gotta run so I can get work done in time for BRUUUUUUUUCE tonight.
Thanks all. Happy Friday!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I just love it that your mom is a big Springsteen fan as well....and soooo jealous that you get to see them TWICE!!! Have a great time....been following you/lurking lately; I like that you have moved over here, and am sending positive vibes your way that you will have that convo soon!! You owe it to you!
OK apologies as none of this has to do with R/M or really DB'ing but I already told everyone IRL who cares so I'm posting too.
WOW what a show. WOW WOW WOW. I now have a valid excuse for not talking to H, my voice is GONE from singing at the top of my lungs for 2.5 hours straight. (I'm kidding... not even thinking of it as an excuse, but yes, my voice is totally gone). I was singing and "BRUUUUUUCING" so much my voice was already iffy. Late in the show Bruce turned it over to the crowd to sing "Badlands, you gotta live it every day..." I know the words but my vocal cords said "Nope, we're done!" I need to get at least some voice back to sing tomorrow.
L2 - thanks for checking in. Wow long time since I've seen you post! I will need to catch up with you.
On the Bruce - it's a funny story actually. As a kid I had a lot of severe medical issues. I was in the hospital a lot - and one summer around age 10 was in Oakland Children's hospital for 4 months for intensive physical therapy. One of the things I used as motivation to exercise was Springsteen CDs. For some reason I just loved his music and message from a very early age. So...this was during the Born in the USA tour. One day I found out the cancer ward was having a raffle for Bruce tix, and I spent every $ I had to enter the drawing. (my Dad gave me a small allowance to "match" what my bro got at home even though I was in the hospital and couldn't do much). In hindsight I'm pretty sure they rigged the drawing.. ... but I "won." The docs wrote me a 4 hour pass to leave the hospital and one of the nurses took me to the concert. Totally life changing experience for me.
My Mom liked the music too but couldn't make it down in time to go to the concert after I won the tix. I of course went crazy telling her how awesome the show was. She went with me to the next show we got tix for, and we literally haven't missed a local show since. I even painted the back of a jacket to match his first album cover, and he autographed it for me once. These shows are a bit of a money stretch but I'm so glad we get to see these two back to back.
It's a bit bittersweet as it's pretty clear this will be the last "full band" tour.. sooo excited to see two shows.
Tonight they did 2 songs I love but never thought I'd hear live, plus another one that somehow we seem to miss everytime and it was also great. I was trying to go to bed early to rest up for tomorrow but I'm still flying . I can sleep Sunday right??
I am already trying to figure out how to afford a show in NJ this summer. Never seen him there and I bet it'd be amazing.
And I realized something funny both during the show and later posting tonight.. THAT was me, truly me, for awhile. Before the show I was a stress case buying water, getting dinner, upset about having trouble finding the right gate.. WHY?? That's not me, it's me trying to be perfect and it's just not worth it.
When Mom and I got in the arena it was like we both shut off the stress and I felt like just ME. Hard to explain, but just several times I felt really peaceful and present (well OK peaceful is a stretch given all the singin' and dancin' my butt off, but peaceful in that I wasn't going through mental gymnastics). I think I especially noticed it because the girl in front of me was clearly a huge fan, wanting to dance to every song and knew every word. Guy she was with.. not so much, but she had less fun because she was trying to make sure HE had fun - sitting down when she didn't want to because he didn't feel like dancing, ignoring the show and flirting with him when he wasn't into it. I found myself GLAD that 1. H didn't go if he's not really into it and 2. glad that my Mom and I went and were totally uninhibited and REALLY had fun. I realized somehow "Hey this is me, this is how I wanna be NO MATTER who I'm here with."
Just random musings late at night after a really amazing show...
Can't wait for tomorrow. My voice should be completely gone by then.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
SD - thanks especially for the comment on detaching from the outcome. For some reason that wasn't "clicking" in my head and that helped a ton. (oh and I hafta tell you, your "hot monkey sex" comment made me laugh then gag... I'm taking it as a good thing that I was able to laugh at it for a sec ). I was having a very hard time picturing how to do this calmly and that detaching thought really helped.
Glad I could help. Really, the longer I'm at this, the more I realize that staying detached is the most important skill we can learn as we go through this process. It's when I'm NOT detached that things feel bad or are bad.
Because, though we are married, we *are* still separate people. And no matter what the TV shows and movies tell us, we ultimately only have control--or should--over ourselves. When I let go of trying to control how H acts/thinks/whatever, *I* am better. I can make clear decisions.
Good luck with your talk!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
And I realized something funny both during the show and later posting tonight.. THAT was me, truly me, for awhile. Before the show I was a stress case buying water, getting dinner, upset about having trouble finding the right gate.. WHY?? That's not me, it's me trying to be perfect and it's just not worth it.
I am jumping up and down for you! Oh, Nikki, THIS IS IMPORTANT!
I've been doing work in a journaling/self group with a small group of women, and the deeper I go, the more I see how I sacrifice ME in so many ways, just by not being truly authentic. We hide ourselves a lot...especially as women...and try to be something else.
The thing is, once you get a taste of just being and not worrying as much about the outcome, it becomes impossible to go back. THIS is detaching from the outcome. No lie, it's been a bit of an adjustment for my H, but I refuse to hide or hold onto things anymore. He can do whatever he wants with my information, but *I* have to be true to me.
There's a quote by Anais Nin that has just resonated with me on this topic:
Quote:
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.
We bloom during this process. Isn't it divine?
Have a GREAT time tonight at Bruce!!!!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
HI!!! It sounds like we BOTH had awesome weekends! My convention was so awesome. There are so many things we all can take from what I heard. Here's just a few statements I wrote down.
This information was from Ron Macintosh, a writer.
Success IS the progression to a worthwhile goal that is important to you. it's not being at your goal it's the progression to it.
Researches have said, you are what you think about. The unsuccessful think about their worries, but the successful think about the solutions. Let's think SOLUTIONS not worries!
Renew your mind, change your thinking. If you don't like your output, change your input.
God engineered us to be limitless, but WE lead limited lives.
this is really interesting to me... Emotions travel 80K miles FASTER than a thought. no wonder we act on our emotions so easily!
He also said that we have the conscious- what determines our truths and the subconscious- which creates habits... creates automatic response, it works to make our truths come to pass. This subconscious always puts us back to our place of truth. He gave % of people who tried to diet, it was like 98% that gained the weight back, then I think it was 95% of children who make 5% plus or minus what their parents made. We become how we see ourselves. If we don't know there is a limit, there's nothing stopping us. For ex. He said a man named Cliff Young had broken a marathon record. It was a 375 mile race, and every runner knows you run for 6 hours and rest for 6 hours until the end. However, this man Cliff, was a farmer and had no training whatsoever and ran the race continuously and shattered the record by 36 hours. He was 60 years old when he ran the race. Is that insane??? I haven't looked up his name yet online, but I'm going to.
I'll write on more thing,
Self-image- is a predetermined belief of what we can become, how we will respond to others and how they respond to us. Self image is largely what is stored in your subconscious mind.
Our lives are largely influenced by this internal picture. This picture controls our perception of things. It then, sends a message to our emotional system, phsiological and neurological system to keep us aligned with our self-image.
When the subconscious mind perceives we are not on target with our self-image, it causes stimulus or suppression of ideas and energy.
He basically meant that we always get back down to that level that we see ourselves as. We need to stop focusing on the negative, but focus on the positive!
anyways, Niki, I thought that you might like some of those things, so I used your thread to post it. sorry for hi-jacking!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Tomorrow is Friday!
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