Good news! It sounds odd to say good news about someone hitting bottom doesn't it.
My talk with H didn't stick. He is threatening court again. Wonder if I am wasting my time. Talk to you later.
Last edited by ANewMe; 04/10/0802:48 AM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Holly, I'm sorry you're going through this, yet again. You know I've been there with my H. The second bomb was harder than the first one, in many ways.
First let me say this... no you are not acting as another bandaid. You are the real deal. OW is the bandaid. However, your H is not ready to be in a R with you. Maybe it's too hard. Maybe he's scared. Whatever the reason, he's not ready.
It was not a mistake to take him back, IMO. This was part of the process. He needed to go through this step. He wasn't happy wiht OW. He missed you. He came back to you. And once again, not happy. Maybe he misses OW (often the case with these folks). And if he goes back to her, he will once again realize that is not doing the trick.
Where does that leave him? Finding happiness and peace within HIM. He will reach the point (and maybe he already has) where he has no choice but to look within. This is all hard work. But he has to do it to find happiness.
Going dark is the way to go. Don't enable him. He may want to call you when he's feeling weak. Don't be there for him now. He needs to rely on himself when he's feeling weak.
All that said, you remember how much back & forth my H did, right? In fact, after the second bomb, he said, "Don't worry... I'll never come home again". And two months ago, he was back, and in therapy. Now that wasn't the end of his back and forths... but it was the beginning of his endless spinning that enabled him to finally break through and find peace and eventually becoming an active and engaged part of the family again.
You are doing ALL the right things. You are a strong woman!
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Peace, hello! God sends me a gentle touch when I need it, Thank you! Your words are important to me.
I am getting stronger and better all the time. I am finding myself dwelling on this less and less, and feeling comfortable in my skin. That is because this place of silently standing is familiar, and I know how to do it. The first time it was foreign to me. Now I am good at it. I had people at church pray for my release from my pain. It has been happening every day. So now I am feeling like saying, thank you to God, I am better, now what can I do for YOU today?
Very happy place this.
Always, Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Hi Bru, It is so good to hear from you. I had a really really tough day yesterday. I am having problems with being alone. Not as bad as 2 years ago, but it REALLY REALLY HURTS.
I saw D27 and SIL 27 today for brunch. She doesn't want to see me wait around anymore. Tough to hear. I teared up a little and said I am sorry, but she said that I have nothing to be sorry for. I know this is true, but it hurts so much. I need to stop sleeping so much. I look forward to sleep. I know this is depression, and I can get through this. I am seeing a counselor, and I do have support. I HATE to see me this way. I was so GOOD Thursday and Friday.
I have not done anything productive, and need to get going here.
Part of me says, give it time, part of me says, plan for without.
I would tell me they are the same thing. It doesn't feel the same. I read over my initial goals last night, that I set with my DB coach 2 years ago. I have met each one. They catch is, he ran away again. I want statistics, I want promises. I want to KNOW the future. I want guarantees .
There are none. So I take baby steps to get through each day. I feel like I am wasting my life sometimes. But then reason kicks in. If TJ and I were actively reconciling again, I would be glad to give it time. His bailing again is progress? He had to go through this stage. Peace and be still.
I just hate how needy I feel.
Well, sorry for the downer, but I thought it was fair that I share how tough this is. I am doing well considering, but up and down is more like it.
I will be up again.
Maybe I should get my pole warmed up. and take a few swings.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Holly, it is so tough to be in the place you are in now. it would be so nice for our needs to be met by someone. but...here we are, facing ourselves and caring for ourselves.
baby steps help. what else helped you before? what will feel good now?
you know you will be up again. if there is a way to make a journey to and up place faster and more pleasurable?
me, h - 40+ m-20+ s, d, ss - 20+ s, ow, pa since 04.2007 h back and forth 01.2008 - 05.2008 h decided to be w/ow 05.13.2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1415899&page=1&fpart=1
Maybe I should get my pole warmed up. and take a few swings.
Might not be such a bad idea. It may help with the depression.
I am sorry you are hurting. I know how happy you were when things started turning around with you and TJ. I do hope you can find that happiness again, with or without him. ((((((hugs))))))
