CL, I had a conversation with my C the other day. As I mentioned in my thread, I am trying to work on my anxiety issues. Anyway, I was telling her how/why I get so stressed. I was saying that when the house is a mess, it stresses me out... and that when too many things are going on (kids screaming, puppy crying, phone ringing... all at once)... I get easily overwhelmed.
She said that someone like me with anxiety is easily bothered by those external factors. She was saying that when the house is a mess and disorganized, it makes me feel disorganized internally. She is exactly right.
It sounds like your W has similar issues. Anyway, what she advised me (which may work for your W) is to do a few things... to have my H take on certain chores around the house (which I think you are already doing), and for me to let some stuff go. Not get stressed about the little things. Know that not everythign can get done.
I'm wondering if any of that can translate to your W. It does seem like she gets easily overwhelmed and stressed (leaving her job, not wanting a messy house, etc...).
In my case, by being more aware of my behavior and my thought processes, I am working through it. It helps to talk to my C about it.
Once again, it sounds like you're doing all the right things.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
PS, Thanks for sharing what it's like to struggle with an anxiety problem. I think I do tend to underestimate the impact of stress on my W. I think you and my W are more sensitive to your environments than I am. I'm glad she's being more vocal about asking for help.
We have a dialogue going about vacation planning. I made an appointment to look into the SRS (seat-belt/airbag) light in her car. She wants me to look into having a cleaning person work on the house. The refrigerator needs some repair to a shelf. I'm trying to keep up with her regarding solving problems.
I overheard her listening to "A Course in Miracles" CD last night to help her sleep.
I have to remember that I am not responsible for solving her anxiety problem, but I am for helping to make her life easier if I can. Once I've done my piece to help, than any unhappiness that lingers is her issue. I'm going to continue dancing, writing, and cultivating happiness in my life.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Matilda, When I got home from work last night, there was a note on the bathroom mirror from my W stating the she had plans for the evening. This means that she will be sleeping elsewhere.
I decided to go the dance venue by myself. It's not my favorite venue for dancing, as the floor is small, so one is restricted from doing favorite moves, however, it is a great venue for networking. It's good for me to practice being assertive and building dance relationships with ladies.
It was a successful evening. I only stayed an hour, but it was well worth my time. I danced with the ladies I enjoy dancing with, and some out of courtesy.
I now have the perspective, that parts of my life can flourish even if my M is struggling.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
PS, Jak, and Matilda, Yesterday, she was complaining that I don't give her enough affirmation about her appearance, and didn't thank her enough for the Ipod she recently bought for me (I didn't want it, but she bought it anyway). It's confusing, because she's complaining about lack of my attention, following an overnight of sleeping elsewhere.
It's difficult to know how to interpret her sleeping elsewhere behavior. It it simply a respite? Is it a change of venue for her to help manage stress? I tend to interpret it as a sign of her dissatisfaction in the M, and that there is distance in the M, so am surprised when she wants to connect shortly after returning from her overnight.
She had decided that I need another Ipod (I have a shuffle) because I've been borrowing hers. She doesn't like to share items. She very much wants her own space. She did the same with a computer. She decided that I needed my own computer, because my old one kept having problems, and she didn't want me on hers. Fortunately, one can buy personal computers for around $500 dollars these days.
I retreated to my bedroom when she was on the phone complaining about me to her sister. When I heard her practicing her dance steps in the other room, I decided to venture out and join her. We ended-up practicing, so I was able to help end the evening on a positive note. This dancing has helped to keep the connection in our M, and it's helped me to develop myself in my own right.
I see my IC today; it's helpful to hear his opinions.
I'm reading Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill, by Matthieu Ricard.
She seems to want Saturday to be a free day for her, so she can rest before her cooking day. I'll plan on doing housework, and yardwork on my own, and leave her be. My parents were in town last weekend, and threw off her schedule, as she hurried to do some last minute cleaning. This contributed to her meldown on Sunday.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
