Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis who feels insecure?

I hear ya Sandy

Dang it Ford.

Let me make sure I spell everything correctly.

You are a dream boat.

Ford, I am an outstanding speller. I was a part of a group called Spell's Angels.

It's a great thread, Breton, thank you for starting it.

I hope you don't mind a dyslexic chiming in !

Tpaschal, I understand you so well. I also cannot flirt to save my life. My mother dear (special and very painful issue) took care of me feeling insecure most of my life. I am 5'8", 150 Lbs, (I was 130 in high school), with wavy bushy hair I cannot tame (according to my mother a mop)and I'm anything but invisible. I was never flattered by attention I was getting, just felt like hiding and blending into the walls. In my early 20s I was invited to try myself in modeling. After a few sessions they told me I will never learn how to carry myself (and a bit too curvy :)). After dropping the Bomb my H has told me that I dress to look shapeless and mannish (true, I'm afraid) and never ACT as a beautiful woman.

Now the OW is 45 as well and is opposite of me. She has tons of self confidence, not intelligent but shrewd (and totally cynical), small, attractive in a rather conventional way and takes great care of herself. HEr hair looks great (straight and shiny) and her nails are perfect.

I found myself next to her last year (not knowing yet she is the OW, what a fool I must have looked!)at some social event and I felt like statue of Liberty with its pedestal lost. Too large and too awkward and not belonging.


I'm trying to change the way I present myself - a part of my 180 - and my wardrobe too. But I'm still not very confident.

Mishka - wishing you good luck)))))))))))

How did it go?

Wow this is all so "raw" isnt it?

We are women (or men) who have been ( as Ford put it so well)"deselected". It doesnt matter if we are short/tall, skinny/curvy,have straight limp hair/course frizzy hair, quiet/outgoing...its our truth.its our souls that have been hurt, damaged and/or rejected. We will forever be comparing ourselves to the OW/OM. We can push it aside, but in our quiet moments it creeps in, if only for a second..its there. And it sucks. And we all know "its not about her/him". But the moment our spouses decided to step outside of our marriages, they did something to us..they wounded us.

I've lost weight. I have become a much stronger confident woman..heck, I really wasn't given a choice. I had to rise up and step up to the plate to take care of my girls and show them how to face a crisis, basically all eyes were on me. And I am. But those quiet moments when I'm laying in bed before drifting of to sleep and I'm alone and he is with her..I DO wonder, what does she have that I dont? So to all you ladies (and men)...a big giant ((((((HUG))))))

You know what? I am having fun exploring things that I never did before and part of this has been getting into clothing and such.

I had a few people ask me whY I dress so conservatively and I guess I just never thought about it much! But I can try some new things.

Had dinner w/a lovely friend. She said "I am almost 40--I should know what makeup looks good on me!"

But we weren't raised to be that way. That is OK. It is OK to explore some new things. And frankly, I am having fun!

And damn it, ladies (and gentlemen), we have the smarts of life experience--let's have fun with it!!