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Well, the talk went OK. We stuck mainly to our R regarding the kids. We have both decided that we need to remain close friends so that the kids will be able to see us as a family. We are still going to do family outings, etc. together. We will take the kids to dinner or a movie together. Things like that. H says he thinks it is a bit soon for that, but I think it would help them adjust MUCH faster if we just started behaving that way as soon as possible. The kids want to hang out with H on Wednesday, so we'll see.

As for my interaction with H, it was fine. We joked a bit and laughed. It was interesting. I'm not sure if I am getting anywhere with him, but it is nice to be able to talk with him without getting upset.

Sounds really good. Look at where you were intially to where you are now.
I know it is easy to not know if things are progressing or not. But compare your sitch to weeks or months ago, I am sure things are getting better.
For me, I am about 3 months into this. Things are far from perfect now, but when I remember month 1 we were at each others throats and the D word was tossed around, the month 2 she was definately wanting a S. Now month 3... you saw a bit when you looked at my thread. Much better. But still not good.

Look forward to these `family` opportunities with H as a time to show him what you are made of! Show him what he is missing out on! You are looking and feeling better than when he was with you before, and he is in an apartment by himself. Who has it better?

Steve

Ugh! I am so frustrated! H called today to check on D2. She has asthma, and it has REALLY been flaring up the past week or so. She has woken up with an asthma attack every night for 3 nights. I told him what the doc said (new meds and no outside time). Then he told me that he told S4 that he would try to come visit him tomorrow. I said "That is fine. I can cook dinner if you want." He said that he was only going to stay a few minutes, not for dinner. I told him that the kids really wanted to spend some time with him, not just a few minutes. That is when the convo went downhill. I said "Do you still think the kids are not ready to spend time as a family?" He said that it wasn't the kids that weren't ready, it was him. I asked if he was really THAT uncomfortable around me, and he said it wasn't a case of "uncomfortable", it is a case of "space". I said "Meaning you need some space from me?" and he said yes. Then he said we would talk later. I texted him and told him not to worry about coming tomorrow night. He texted back that we would talk later. I texted back "Seriously, don't worry about it. We don't need to talk about it" His response was "OK"....and with that I am going dark. I am not answering the phone if he calls. I am not going to see him at all. If he wants space, that is what I am going to give him. It will probably do us some good. I just don't understand why he says that he wants to be friends for the kids, but he will not actually do it. I don't know what else to do besides go dark.

I think our Hs are reading from the same script Lori. My H tells me that in time we will spend more time together. He says that he wants in the fuure for us to be able to do things together BUT we both need our space right now. He said he wants to spend time with D right now but he will be asking me to join them in the future. I told him its ok because I need time for Me too.

Try to make it about you because this space is good for you too. Give him time to come to you. I've been a bit dim but I may get even darker myself.

Jen

I think it will be good to have some space, but I know that right now what the kids want more than anything is for us to do the normal things we always have done. I went to H's apartment yesterday because S4 was missing me. When I walked in the first thing S4 said was "Look Mommy! We are all together!" He was so excited. My fear with continuing this way is that H will get comfortable with this, and he will NEVER want to do anything as a family. Am I wrong for worrying about that? None the less, for now I am going dark. If he wants space, I'm gonna give him tons.

Lori,
Sorry I haven't been keeping up with your thread. My H has been around so much that it makes it difficult to get on here. I understand wanting to do things as a family. Something my H stated to me and my T is that he wasn't comfortable doing things as a family. He felt it was me and the kids and then him. H also felt that doing things as a family would give me false hope and make me think everything was ok. Your H is probably having some of the same feelings. I know your kids are confused, but doing things as a family may add to the confusion. Give him space now, it might not be forever. Forcing him to do things as a family now will drive him further away. I know it sucks...but that's how it is.

BTW...I spent some years living in LA long ago. I could use some of the warm temps now. I would also love to be down there in another month or so when it is mudbug time!

Thanks redhottie, I guess I can understand him needing space. It just worries me because my parents did a pi$$ poor job of co-parenting after their divorce. I know he needs his space. Everything he does and says is screaming it. I really do plan to give him that space.

I'm looking forward to crawfish season too, but they are so dang expensive since Hurricane Rita hit us. It leveled the supply here pretty badly, and they are just starting to come back a bit. We had some 5 pound platters a few weeks ago, and they were $20 a platter. That is SUPER expensive!

I am still dark. I had to call H today to let him know that our D2 is sick. She is running fever and is on a ton of meds. He has her tomorrow, so I needed to let him know to pick her up from here not school. Other than that, no contact. I feel OK about it. I am going to a D Recovery Group at a local church tonight. We'll see how that goes. I just really feel like I need to talk to some people in person that are going through the same thing. I'll check in later.

Hello? How are you?

Jen

It has been an interesting few days. I haven't had time to check in here because D2 has been sick. I had to take a few days off work to take care of her.

Yesterday, I was home with her. I needed to go online to see if a few checks had cleared my account. Things are a little tight right now. I still have my name on the account H is using as well, so it shows up when I log in. Well, the bank was showing that account as being overdrawn by nearly $1200!!! I kinda freaked for minute, then I called H to let him know. He has no idea how to get online and check it, so I knew he had no idea. He was pretty shocked to say the least. There were some miscalculations on his part (I call it stupidity), and he was pretty upset about it. You could tell it bothered him because money was something I always handled. He hasn't written a check in 6 years. I was concerned because he was supposed to make a child support payment today, and I was really counting on that money. I have bills I need to pay myself. When I mentioned the CS money, he got VERY snippy with me. He ended up hanging up on me. I kept my cool and didn't feed his anger at all. He ended up calling me back and telling me that he had borrowed some money to cover it. His words..."Don't worry about it! You'll get your money!!" I pointed out that this money was not for me, but was so that I could take care of our kids. He was pretty pi$$ed at me (for no reason), and I told him I had to go.

Then today, he called me at work. He was being really nice on the phone, and then he said "Look. I want to apologize for yelling at you yesterday on the phone." I played coy like I didn't know what he was talking about, and he said "You know about the money thing. It just bothers me because money is something we NEVER fought about, and I don't want to start now. I hadn't eaten all day, so my blood sugar was low. I was just in a really crappy mood." I accepted his apology. I told him that his finances were none of my business. I was just concerned because I knew he didn't realize anything was wrong. I told him that in the future I would mind my own business about it. He said "No, that's OK. I know you are just looking out for me. I don't mind." Then I let him go.

A few minutes later I was leaving my office because I HAD to drive to Texas (a little under an hour away), and I had 1 1/2 hours until an appointment in town. I was leaving to rush to an insurance office down the street to get some paperwork, then I had to rush back to the office and make copies before leaving for Texas. It was pretty hectic. As I was leaving the office for the ins. office, I passed H on the road headed to our office. He NEVER goes to the office. I just waved to him and continued to the ins. company. I got my paperwork and raced back to my office, and H was sitting in our parking lot. I waved again and ran inside. He followed me in. He was dropping off an invoice (something he NEVER does in the middle of the day) then he just stood there. He looked like he wanted to talk or something. I honestly didn't have time for it, so I asked him if he needed anything in the office. He said no, so I told him I really had to leave. He asked where I was going and I told him. He said "Oh man, you better hurry then." Then he left.

He came to the house this afternoon to drop off a CD of the kids and to see them before he went to our lake house. We talked a few minutes about some financial stuff. Basically his dad wants to put our house in his name and assume the notes (he's already paying the note for me) so that we don't lose the house. I told H that I really wasn't comfortable with that. He thought it was because of the community property issue (which it partly is), but mainly I told him that we had only been separated for less than a month, and I just wasn't ready to make any big decisions like that. I basically told him that this was OUR house. The house we had raised our kids in, and I didn't want to walk away from that. He said, "Then let's just not do it." Then I told him that it just seemed like such a permanent thing. He said, "Look, we haven't done anything right now that we can't back out of. Nothing is permanent." I told him that I would hate to see us do this with the house, and then 6 months later decide that we can work this out. I was VERY clear that I knew he was not thinking of that, but that it was not outside the realm of possibility. He agreed, and he reiterated that we shouldn't do it if we aren't comfortable with it and that we haven't done anything we can't undo. That made me feel SO much better. It makes it seem like the thought is in his mind, KWIM? Before he has not seemed like he even thought about it, but today was different. I don't think he is exactly on the road home yet, but there is a bug in his ear. He has always made a point to say that "right now" this is what he thinks he wants, but he hasn't filed, hasn't even met with a lawyer, and he hasn't rejected the idea of a reconciliation completely. He does say that he isn't seeing that right now, but that "right now" is always in his statements.

Do I have any hope? Does this sound optimistic?