I have about a month on you. I found out about affair Dec. 9th. Dont be hard on yourself I have just recently found it within my self to really start DB'ing and I have days where I still cant do it.
I have to say it's hard to implement DB shortly after you discover a WAS's A. I didn't start until about 3-1/2 months after that point! Even though I wish I had found this site sooner to help me through that nightmare! How can your GAL and maintain a positive PMA when you're living through h3ll?
So, for those of you doing this relatively soon after discovering a WAS's A, I solute you! I really do.
Hurtmom, about your H and his phone ... are you sure he wasn't sleeping? Perhaps his phone wasn't nearby? OR, would it be possible to pre-arrange meeting times to avoid the aggravation of him not returning your calls/messages in a timely manner? Or, if he can't pre-arrange a meeting time, ask him to please call YOU and let you know the night before or the morning of...
There's more than one way of getting out of a 'cheeseless tunnel'.
Joie, I'm just curious how long did it take for your H to leave OW? I think things are looking up at least it's going much better than before. I'm just so impatient and negative about things it's hard for me to always see it. Sometimes just typing on here makes me realize the small changes H is making.
Yes I do think H was probably sleeping BUT I no he got my message and just didnt respond. A simple i'm sleeping or i'm still coming to watch S1 would have been nice. I thank you so much for reminding me about the cheeseless tunnel!! I do that all the time without even realizing it..thank you thank you. That's something I have to work on.
H came over tonight for about an hour. Picked S1 up and brought him home for me. Stayed about 10 minutes after S1 went to bed. It's so nice having him here it kills me. I have been more affectionate and I'm pretty sure he is loving it. I think it's helping him get away from OW but I dont ask it's just the vibe I get. I know he still lies to me about stupid crap but hopefully he is doing it less and less each day.
The A was busted wide open approximately May 31. Now I know it secretly continued during the summer. By the fall, I wasn't sure, but thought I saw signs of it dying. By Thanksgiving, I was pretty sure. By Christmas, even more sure. By February, positive. So, it took about 6 months. But OW helped the process by becoming a real nasty you-know-what.
Keep on focusing on the positive stuff! It sounds like you are. I know it's beyond aggravating when you know they are lying to you, but I tried not to let that get in the way of my goal.
By February, positive. So, it took about 6 months. But OW helped the process by becoming a real nasty you-know-what.
Joie
Joie thanks for sharing that! Hearing your story definitely helps me keep going!!! I can't stop DBing anyway for me and my own PMA, but it really helps & is so encouraging to hear positives like that!!! Karen
H spoke with my best friend today (they went to high school together and are also friends) Said he told OW it was over and things couldnt work. H also told friend there is a war going on btw them now! Sounds like things are starting to get messy now, at least I hope so!!!
I am praying this is my chance to be as sweet as I possibly can! Make him realize this is where he wants to be. H also told my friend that he wants back with me is just still so afraid things wont work out. I have to show him they can and they will. I guess this is my time to DB like crazy. I know I need to step it up right now so he wants to be around "his family" now and not OW. I pray every day that things will work out and I really really hope this is a good sign and H can stick with it. I dont want to set myself up for failure but there have been some signs of impovement and I hope relationship with OW is coming to an end, for good!
I try to remind myself of my goal everyday so I dont loose sight of what's important. I know there will be alot of time later to talk about what has happened and I need to learn to let it go. Mostly I need to stop snooping. I still look at his cell phone bills every month and today I listened to his voice mail. I am so ashamed that I do these things and all it does is upset me. OW left message saying how much she loves MY H, and asking him to please come home tonight. Kept going on and on about "coming home" I really want to be like Bi**h his home is certainly not with you. I dont understand how those people (OW OR OM) can look at themselves in the mirror and feel good about who they are. they are just so unbeliable.....
hurtmom....you said it yourself....ya need to stop the snooping because this will be your undoing....and the loss of trust with your H......you want him to trust you right???
It still sounds like you're going in a good direction. The war between the 2 of them is GOOD. That's what happened to me. Just be sweet, nice, all smiles, luvey duvey, etc. Keep your patience at a high level. It's a no brainer who is going to come out looking better.
The snooping is a horrible addiction. I did it, too. You want to know -- have to know if they're telling you the truth. But if they do find out, it's a big backslide. It's horribly unfair! There are many strategies to fighting this battle, and snooping isn't the best. There are those on this board who completely advocate it but I say to each his/her own. It's just not good for your PMA.
You can chose to not snoop, which will help you focus on the positive. If you run through mud puddles you're going to get dirty -- if you go around them, you stay clean. It may take you a little longer to go around, but you feel better if you know what I mean.
You know the A is ending, you heard the OM and her begging, pleading, pursuing message. I would let the snooping end on that note. It's given you proof that it is ending! I'd put all your efforts into, "DBing like crazy" to use your words!
I know I shouldnt snoop it's just hard like you said especially when I am being lied to. Most of the time I feel like it's the only way I can keep thinking clearly without getting my hopes up but of course in turn I am in a bad mood.
Tried to call H several times today. I sold his car and had some questions and then I needed to talk to him about a few things around the house. H never returned a single call. Havent heard from him at all. Just a little annoyed...it's his car i'm trying to sell just call me back about it or send a text. WHATEVER..I left a really nice message just saying I was worried about him since I had not heard back. About 5 minutes ago I got a text that said "i'm having a bad day will call tom". I really hope his bad day as to do with OW!!!! I probably got on his nerves leaving too many messages but I had a lady coming for his car and wanted some answers...oh well did the best I knew how.
I dont want to read too much into this it's just that he has called at least once everyday since I got back from Florida and I am a little nervous about what is going on.....I guess I will find out tom.
Finally talked to H today. Was glad to hear him say that yesteray had nothing to do with me!! Said he had a really bad day at work and was just very stressed out yesterday. He stopped over for about 10 minutes this evening because he was working a mile down the road. Said he was having a bad day because they (work) went to eat at my favorite restaurant yesterday for lunch and he missed me and wanted to be home. BUT because he was in a bad mood his boss let him out of work about 3 hours early. He went out with "the guys" and got drunk. Better than being with OW but if he missed us that much he could have come to see us. Anway I get the impression OW was causing his stress.
Was pretty bummed out...a lady I work with passed away on sunday and her funeral is tom. H was going to come over in the morning and watch S1 so I could go, but now he said he has to work. Not a big deal but I did want to go and everyone I know will be at the funeral so I dont have anybody to watch S1. I really hate this new job he has it occupies all his time and does not leave alot for me but mostly his son.
I can't stop DBing anyway for me and my own PMA, but it really helps & is so encouraging to hear positives like that!!!