Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis "The Waiting is the Hardest Part" Tom Petty

I don't know, Purr.

At this point I have seen so much craziness I don't think much could shock me (hope I didn't just jinx myself).

Early on it tore me up pretty bad. I guess I've learned how to do my own thing and ignore her to some extent.

Have you ever been hunting? You must learn to sit very quietly and still and let the game come to you. It's really cool. For me it wasn't about bringing home game. It was about disappearing into the environment and then observing. The neatest thing I ever experienced was a bird landing on my right shoulder.

Oh well. That was a long-winded way of saying I have learned to practice the art of patience.

I also must confess that early on in all this I heard these things:

Be patient.
This had to happen.
Do what Jesus expects of you.

Instructions on how to respond.
Explanation of why it happened.
Guidelines on how to conduct myself.

What more could I ask for?

Sleeper,
The conversation w/your daughter is interesting. To me it reinforces that a) she has that connection w/you that could lead back to romance and b) you are a great candidate for going/being dark.

Sleeper

Just looking in from the outside and it apears that your W is looking your way a bit.
The best friend comment was good.
Right now she possibly does not feel that you will get back together again , that may have very little relationship to what she wants.
She may desire to be back together but cant see how or perhaps how it will work.
So all you need to do is find the path and lead her to it ... See how easy it is

Not easy and the path has been built over landmines , you are doing well , observe be patient and most importantly keep your own life going.

Dave

Thanks to all.

This just in.......

This evening W is with OM. How so I know? It's that I-phone of hers. After a convo on the phone this evening the phone rang again. She hit redial by acident and I had an I-phone bug of their interraction. Nothing interesting but it did make me realize I had my hopes up they were done because of her anger at him Sat night. Oh well, back to DB and turing the dimmer down.

She was very stressed tonight for some reason. She's been screwing up a lot and knows it. Maybe that's why she is much more apologetic around me these days. She also made a comment today the something she felt was not very "Christian." Things are definately moving in the right direction.

I'm not going to dwell too much on her comment to D that it doesn't look like we'll get back together even though she considers me her best friend. (don't believe anything they say and only half of what they do).

Sleeper are we in the same boat cept my wife now hates me. This is all to strange for me. I wish i could fast forward my life 2 yrs, I am sure I (we) will be very happy and very different. I am going to be a much stronger person after all of this and i am sure you will be also. Try not to think to much, it always gets me in trouble.

Cheers

BT,

About four months into our separation W told me, "I hate you, I wanna kick your teeth in."

Good News: They only hurt the ones they love.

Bad News: You've got a long way to go.

She hates you because you are not letting her have EVERYTHING she wants EXACTLY as she wants it. They have the emotions of a 2 yr old. it's probably best to respoond to her as such and ignore her until she is through with her tantrum. That may take months.

Sleeper,

I continue to follow your thread with interest...seems like there is still some kind of connection / chemistry between you and your wife, yet it's in the midst of a lot of confusing and contradictory stuff. I'm impressed with your ability to not get hooked into things too much and keep your expectations manageable. I will remember your patience metaphor...patience is something I've felt in short supply of lately, so that will help.

Keep us posted.

Purr

I'm getting tired of this again.

I'm stressed out in general. I'm tired of waiting on my W even though she does seem to be progressing. A year ago she wouldn't hardly speak to me, now I'm her "best friend." So what? It's not enough, that's what.

I'm just tired.

Then put the energy into yourself. Let her go for now. Just for now.

I took the kids by to see W at work today (it's my week).

She said, "This is a wonderful surprise, how did you know I wanted to se them?"

I answered, "I knew you wanted to see them, I still have that psychic thing going on (with her)."

She responded, "I know."

She offered me a haircut while I was there. I declined that but let her wax my eyebrows.