Why are you not going to help her build a garden - seems like some time together without having to think of things to say. Just talk about the garden. Gotta tell you, if my H asked me to help him with the car or trailer right now I'd be there. Just some time to be together.
As for the trash. Ask yourself, if you were interested in continuing a relationship with this person (regardless of how they are treating you right now) would you take out their trash. If the answer is yes then you need to take the trash out for your W.
Take the W out of the equation and make it friend.
As for the seat...it's one of those things that you find isn't important any more.
Seems you've tried the "nice" route for long enough. I am not saying to be mean, but IMO, a guy who is trying a little too hard just isn't as attractive. I mean, if she were just a friend who interested you, would you take out her trash and do her garden? I hope not!
As you know, I'm trying the "last resort" now and will just see where it goes.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
These are tough decisions to make along the road, about how to handle the "little things" that aren't always so small. Breton has an idea that may be something to consider...maybe think about it in terms of experiment with things, see if it gets results, etc?
I didn't do her garden. Glad I didn't. Some guy helped her (new OM?). She's at OM's (now old OM?) house now and a babysitter has the kids. That pisses me off. I have NEVER had a sitter for the kids when I have them. I think I may go for full custody. She obviously doesn't need as much financial help as she says she does if she can afford sitters whenever she wants.
Now that's revealing. I'm upset that W has left kids with sitter but not upset that there may be a new OM. Hummmmmmm.
I'm starting to think she's so wacked she is never coming back, even though she has "changed" in the last few months.
She called me several times today. I didn't answer and took my time returning her calls. I told her I talked to a mutual female friend today about an aquaintence of ours who was killed in an accident Saturday. There was a definate change in her voice and W wanted to know when I had talked to said female.
It kills me. She is obviously so worried I will begin dating someone. Early on I told C she is like a child misbehaving and seeing how far she can take it sometimes. He agreed.
Last edited by sleeper; 03/25/0802:51 AM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Ok, W just called. Said she tried repeatedly to call me last night. I finally nailed down that I was the last one to call her, returning HER call and there were no further calls from her.
She knew I talked to babysitter/kids. She goes on to tell me she was running errands and "sitting at Starbucks drinking coffee, chillin." I know this is BS because I drove by OM's house and saw her car there. I didn't call her on it. What I don't understand is why does it matter? Why does she want to hide contact w/OM from me NOW? We've been separated for over a year. What could she be hiding? Why does she care or it matter?
During the convo. She asked if kids could come over with excuse to see new bird. I told her no (a big 180 for me).
Ha! She just called back. Wanted to know if I was "mad at her." Told her no, just busy. More chit-chat bullsh*t. Told me she appreciated the tings I did for her yesterday. I told her I was going to let her finish it. We talked about kids a little, I finally ended the convo.
Ok, she just called back AGAIN! This BS reason was to let me know where the kids would be today. Funny, last night she didn't see reason to let me know the kids would be with a sitter and she would be impossible to contact, by sitter or anyone else!
Cake eating?
Fence sitting?
Confused?
Ulterior motives?
"The mlc mind is a wasted, terrible thing." This message brought to you by the United Mid-Life Crisis Fund
Last edited by sleeper; 03/25/0802:42 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
I left house around noon to run some errands. W called.
Ran a few more errands, W called again, asked me where I was. I told her which store I was leaving. She said D and her were across street at a resturant, asked if I wanted to have lunch with them (they were having a mother/daughter day). I had second thoughts about it but joined them for lunch.
We had a GREAT time. Talked politics, joked. Somehow (D's questions?) got on topic of when we knew we were pregnant with kids. W said didn't know exactly, I reminded her we did know exactly when #2 was concieved. W laughed, a slightly blushing laugh. I split the tab with her, went on about my errands.
She called about 45 min. later, I was too busy to talk, told her so, asked if I could call back. I did, left message.
Last contact with enemy 1500 hrs. 25.03.2008
Last edited by sleeper; 03/25/0809:49 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Wow, this is big time confusing. I think your W. is both more disenaged AND engaged than mine. Lots of phone contact that she initiates, and she does seem to be very curious about what you are doing day to day. Yet, it seems quite unpredictable to know if you'll be met with warmth or ice. Was it like this at all during your M.?
In the beginning wary warm. When we were dating we were unseparable. The last few years we fell apart because of things that happened to us and the last year or two she was very cold.
Whe I read over my last two posts I wonder if I see a pattern here. When she thinks I am "mad at her" she draws closer. She is either afraid of losing me (she had a lot of abandonment in her childhood) or she is still not sure what she wants and is maintaining contact or a lifeline to me until she does know.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Sleeper, you seem to be doing pretty well. Since she asked (AND you split the tab and left first), I think you are OK with joining her...don't ask, though, and don't do favors....
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
