Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Worried I found DB too late #2

I don't recommend joking with things like that. When people are having emotional pain April Fools jokes should be avoided. Just be nice as usual. Let other people make the jokes.

CW,

Don't underestimate how big a step ML again is. I always took my H's desire for me for granted. I thought I could do or say anything and he would still be hard on contact. Not so. When he was involved with the OW I had to work really hard to get him to do it. And he kept telling me to stop trying, it wouldn't work. But I'm not a quitter. I felt like a snake charmer with a flute. And this went on for several days before he showed interest again. If he responds to you, that is very good news.

You're right, it is a big deal and I know that. The physical wasn't the problem, it was the mental. I know that this is a sign that the mental issues cleared somewhat. That is something I should be thankful for. Nothing changed now that we have ML, it was something that had to change before in order to make that happen.

Patience, CW. This is your lesson.

Oh CW. I know how you feel to go through the emotional ups and downs. I think my H thinks he'll be happier if we get a D too. Well then, how can we change their minds??

Thats a good April Fools. You think he would have "liked" it. Why not email him the message? Don't stick April Fools at the end. When he responds then tell him April Fools! Gotcha!

Jen

He called me back and I did it. After I told him I didn't think he should come over, I could hear his sharp intake of breath. Said, "April Fool's" and he laughed, a real laugh. I told him I thought about telling him that I saw a lawyer yesterday and that he was going to be served papers later this week and he said, "Oh, the games we play. Well played, CW68."

I think I'm going to get my nails done for a little CW treat.

Darn it, no nails for me. I forgot about some City paperwork that's due today from me as a "public servant" so I have to wait in line to file them. Thursday I will. Tomorrow's about me: chiro and lunch with a very dear friend.

I think I'll stop at Trader Joe's for a take-home food treat instead!

Well I'm glad I know how predictable the roller coaster can be. So here I am down after a big step forward, enter H. When we first separated, I told him I wanted him ringing the doorbell before entering because I needed some kind of boundaries in this weird separation we have going on. That lasted about two weeks and then once we got back on level ground I stopped caring about it and he never rang the doorbell. Guess who rang the doorbell tonight?

We all had dinner and we started in on trying to rip out the new wood floors. H looked off. I was in a very good mood and made myself to be consistently lighthearted. At one point I asked him if he was all good after our "behavior the other night," he said he was and asked me the same. I just said, "yep, all's good." Don't know whether bringing it up was good DBing or not, but we need to work on communication and I wanted to make sure he knew that I didn't expect everything to change because we ML. Later he said he head and stomach hurt and I asked if everything was OK, he just said he was stressed out and getting an ulcer. Regular old kiss goodbye and he was definitely anxious to get out the door. I'm sure part of it was because he looked tired, he didn't feel right and he probably wanted some alone time, too. He'll be back at 7am tomorrow.

It appears to me as if H is going through a growth period right now in terms of us. Hopefully it's a moving forward thing, but something is definitely changing. Now is the time for me to be extra careful not to backslide. No R talk. PMA. No expectations. GAL. I think I need to throw out a new 180, just have to think of what that could be.

Any ideas?

How about having some ulcer medication in the house. Pepcid AC, Zantac, whatever helps him.

There's always some TUMS here and he took some of those. H is really not into pills of any kind and would rather suffer than "taint the temple." That's his joke about not taking pills other than vitamins. Rarely he'll take motrin or something, but he's got to be in a lot of pain to do it.

A lot of people find tums helpful. All 3 of my kids have had ulcers, so I keep an assortment of remedies.