H called me yesterday and said he'd like to come by today to talk to me. He came in the late afternoon. He asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him to talk.
He told me that he has to move out of the place where he's staying and asked if he could come and stay with us. I asked him for clarification on his intentions. He made no promises and said that he still has many things to work through. He said he's not proud of the things he has done. I asked where things stand with OW and he said he doesn't see a future with her. I asked if he planned on continuing to see her and he said no that he couldn't do that (I'm not sure that I believe this). He told me he wanted to be honest with me that he can't guarantee anything right now and that we would take things very slow. He doesn't want us to have sex until he's sure of his feelings because he doesn't want to hurt me. My first instinct was to say no to this until I knew for certain OW was out of the picture and that he wanted to fully commit. But then I told him that I appreciated his honesty and that he could come back home and we would take things very slowly. He said he doesn't want the fighting that went on before we separated. I told him that I don't want that either and since I know where things stand, I have fewer expectations of him at this time. He said he missed many things about our family, that I have been very patient with him, and that he hopes we can continue to communicate as we have recently. He gave me a very tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.
I hope I haven't accepted him back too soon but then again he hasn't really promised me anything. I guess I have to keep my expectations low and continue to DB.
Any thoughts on how I should proceed???
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Addie, this is HUGE and I'm really not sure what advice to give (a little learning is a dangerous thing:))
Let's see what he said: he doesn't see a future with OW. He noticed and appreciated your patience with him. He is missing his family. He hugged and kissed you (WOW!). He wants to take things slow.
ok, I would do just that. Take things slow(ly). Don't expect much. Continue whatever you have been doing, it absolutely works. Don't ask/initiate any OW talk (there will be plenty of time to ask all the questions ), as if she never was in the picture. Do more things together as a family. Be upbeat, confident, fun.
I'm late for work, will write more when I get back.
(((((((Addie))))))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
OMG Addie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, what an amazing update! I really don't know what to tell you about how to handle things going forward. I agree with Stella that the two of you will have to take things VERY slowly.. But, I was thinking you may want to post on the piecing board.. I'm sure some people over there will have some wonderful advice for you.
I think it also might be a good idea to post to the piecing board when he arrives home or at least read some of the posts over there. When will he move back?
You mentioned before that he was going to apply for another contract in a new city. Is that city any closer to your hometown?
One thing that I've noticed is that some people stop their GAL and Dbing when the S moves back. Please don't stop because these are the things that helped him see a new you in the first place.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Thanks for your support - it really means a lot to me.
Last night I did read posts on the Piecing forum. However, I'm not sure that I should move there because I don't know that we're actually piecing. At the moment, not much is changing between us except for the fact that H will be moving back here which I realize is a huge step. The move is more out of necessity - he needs to move out of where he's staying, doesn't want to commit to another place long term and can't find anything else short term. He's looking for another job and may have to move again - I have no idea what this may mean for us because S and I will be moving back to my hometown for my job within the next couple of months. The job H is applying for would still be very far from where I'll be living. H has made no promises and he doesn't want to give me false hope. I sent him an email last night telling him that I appreciated his honesty and that no matter what happens between us I hope that we can continue to communicate openly and honestly. In his response he thanked me for listening, said he still cares about me, really appreciates the way I've taken care of S but still has a lot of inner conflict to deal with.
Jen, I agree with you that I have to continue my GAL and DB. I have a few new activities lined up. I know that I must have no expectations at this time and just continue doing what I've been doing.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
stay focused and do a check on your next goals and steps. Be very careful and don't give him a chance to doubt his love for you again. Now, you'll have the chance to really Db your b*&t off. I am happy for you, take it slow...
Just checking in.. I like that you said time and patience are key... I whole heartedly agree! Just crazy how two simple little items take so much energy to actually do!
