Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Next Steps for W2G (4th Thread)

W,

Okay now I am jealous of you and RedHottie. I want TM's or e-mails with pet names!! Seriously though I am so happy for you. It is great that he is coming around so much and spending time with D. That will really be good for her, along with you...
I hope we hear more of this!

W2G,

this is to check in and give you a quick ((hug)).
You sound GOOD !

W2G,

Checking in to see how you are doing. Broke out the cycle yesterday and thought of you.

Hope you are well.

W2G

Oh how i miss all of that, the pet names, the email just the plain old interesting conversation.

Good for you. Happy for you

Just wanted to stop in and say hi.

Any news about your mom yet?

Hugs
Bear

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for checking up on me. I don't really have anything to report.. but I'll journal anyway.

I find that I get annoyed with H now when he doesn't contact me as often as he has other times.. I don't relay these feelings to him.. but it does point out to me that I have too many expectations.. It's difficult not to have expectations though.. I keep seeing or feeling these little steps and then there's either nothing or he retreats.. I also wonder if this is where we'll sit forever? Not that we are in a bad place but it's also not a marriage. I feel like I'm slowly getting my best friend back.. (yet I don't tell him everything that's on my mind and I rarely initiate contact.. which I realize doesn't sound best friendish.. but it is giving him the "space" he desires).. but he hasn't initiated any s*x so I do worry that he doesn't view me in that way... which also makes me worry that we'll sit in this "best friend" arrangement forever.

I'm in a good headspace about me right now, I think, overall.. although the fact that my H does seem to want to spend time with me is likely contributing to that. Mostly I think quitting my job has done something really good for me. Having this time.. and not having to go to a job I dislike every day is helping me with my PMA. My D2 is going to daycare 2 times a week right now instead of every day like when I was working... I allow her to sleep in until she naturally wakes up, which is 1.5 to 2 hours later than when I was working, and I think this is helping in the drop off at daycare. She's not sobbing or crying for me anymore. She is giving me a kiss and hug and then runs off to play. It makes things SO much easier and my PMA is protected by not having her cry. I joined PWP (as I mentioned in a previous post) and just signed up for my yoga class (which starts today at 3pm). I am going to find a refresher course for motorcycle driving... and then will take the test before my license expires in August... I went and met some other Mom's for a play group yesterday morning.. so I'll continue to do that on Wednesdays... so I'm really starting to feel good about me! Now I just have to start making some decisions about my career future. I'm at a loss with this so I haven't done much about it at this point (mind you this is just my first week off work).. I don't want to procrastinate. I want to face this and find what it is I'm meant to do. I keep listening and watching for signs.. because I did ask my higher power for direction.. I know I will be provided with help soon and when the time is right.

H came over last night. He had his pre-op appt yesterday. Turns out he needs to be at the hospital on Monday for 7:45. He has asked that I take him to the hospital so I suggested to him that he sleep here on Sunday night.. that we drop D2 off at daycare for 7am and then proceed to the hospital for his surgery (I want to stay and wait at the hospital to make sure that everything goes alright so I didn't want to have D2 have to wait with me... which is why I'll take her to daycare). He's in overnight and then at some point Tuesday I will take him home. I'm not sure if he'll be coming back here to the house or going to the appartment. I guess it depends on what shape he's in (he's getting his jaw broken).

My Mom. I spoke to my Mom this morning and she said that she's not likely going to get her results for likely at least a week.. so we are waiting for that.. I guess it's just another thing to practice being patient about... So we will patiently think positively about the results!

I think that's if from me. I will check in on the rest of you shortly.

(((((Everyone))))))

W2G

W2G,

When you have shared so much with a person, I think it is extremely difficult NOT to have some level of expectations. I know for me it is weird that we are now "friends" but can't seem to be more than that. So go easy on yourself. As long as you don't get mad at H for not meeting expectations, you are doing just fine...

Glad your D is in a happier place now, too. I hate when they cry at day care!

Hi

I think that things are going well for you. Sometimes they'll stand still for a while but that doesn't mean your sitch can't get better.

Your D must so tickled to have her Mom around more often. This time together will be great for you both. You can use it to teach her what daycare needs her to learn in terms of paying attention and listening to instructions.

I can't imagine having to get my jaw broken. Poor guy.

As for your Mom. I'm sure she's fine. This is also a time to have a PMA as well as patience and faith.

Jen

Hi W2G,

I am having most of the same feelings you are having. Like your sitch, my H has been spending a lot more time with us and even sleeping over but then he detaches again. I know everyone says not to have any expectations but it is so difficult not to when they have given you positive signs.
I don't know what to tell you but that you seem to be in a good frame of mind, you are doing great and keep doing what has been working. H is noticing otherwise he wouldn't want to be spending so much time with you.

Hello Everyone,

As you can tell from my previous post I am struggling with expectations... I also struggling with what role I am to play.. am I "just" his friend and the mother of his daughter or am I more? A brief conversation I had with him yesterday is still bothering me this morning so I'm bringing it up here instead of to him...

So today is Saturday.. it's the day we are supposed to do dinner and a movie (steak and a movie).. He had agreed that we should try going out on a date a few weeks ago.. and then with his surgery happening on Monday he said he'd like us to go out for steak together, just the two of us, for his last hurrah before having his mouth wired shut. Which as you know I was very excited about.. until last night. Last night he said he had a lot of work to do so he was going to work Friday night away.. but that he would probably hook up with his friends at the bar after the movie on Saturday night (tonight). Is it wrong for me to be annoyed by this? Now I feel like he's just putting time in until the bars open where he can be with the people he really wants to hang with.. and I know I'm not going to be invited.. he's never included me with this group of people... I just feel wretched. Am I over reacting?

Thanks for listening.
W2G

Dearest W2G,

I'm not good at that - overreacting all the time myself - so it's just a moral support and a ((hug)) I can offer. I think you are perfectly justified in feeling down, just don't let him see it. Is there anything else you could do instead? Go for a walk? Go to movies by yourself?
TRy not to stress yourself out thinking about dinner, it wasn't meant to happen today, ok, there will be other days. Meanwhilke you can find something fun to do for yourself.

(((W2G)))