Has he shared what it was during your marriage that he was angry about? That might be a starting point. If you don't know what angered him them you wouldn't know what to look out for in the future with him or with someone else. It could be beneficial for you to know that.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
It would be, but he is the one who needs to bring it up. He is still looking for kissak to do his work. He throws crap out then he wants kissak to ask the questions. This fellow has a long, long way to go.
Forget about his anger. Unless you know you were a bad wife, that's just a smoke screen. They feel bad FIRST, THEN they go looking for an explanation and start picking apart the marriage. IMHO, it just plays into their craziness if you start believing everything they say about how "terrible" the marriage was.
As for the questions - next time he says it, I'd ask him "What questions do YOU think I shoud be asking?". Could be he has something he wants to confess. Or maybe he's just fishing for an invitation home (don;t give it to him - he should come begging!).
Please don't let his behaviour or his incessant questions cause you to spin. It just doesn't matter why he wants you to ask questions or what it is he is trying to get you to say.
If you really look at him you will see that this is the same guy who yanked you around the last time. He hasn't done the work and he hasn't changed.
Until he does the work {and this is not going to be a quick and easy fix} you owe it to yourself and your kidlets to continue to live your life and move forward. You owe him nothing.
*hugs* ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Kissak, He is asking you if you have questions because he wants to show you his new, improved self, that he is a communicator and is open to talking.
To me, the best way to handle this is to say that you appreciate the opportunity, and you will let him know if any questions come to mind. Be polite and to the point, and don't engage in R talk (as you know).
Thanks Guys...and IMP, I am not letting him suck me in....Im not spinning or anything.
I almost agree though that he is fishing for an invitation home. All I am doing is listening to him talk. I have told him that if I have a question, I will ask, but really I dont have any that I want answers to.
I do know he has a long way to go. The anger he is talking about really isnt over a specific thing, it is just everything. Like when we would have the silliest arguments over something and I would walk away and stay mad for days, he would "seem" to be over it in a minute and act like nothing was wrong...it is all of those times rolled into one. He never ever let his anger out and now it has all come to a head. That was one thing about him. He NEVER got mad or angry at me....well, actually he did, he just never let it show.
His therapy is going good and he has told me alot about some things from his past that may have made him flip out. I know he still has a long way to go. Still lots of work. AND I WILL NOT invite him back home....He has to do the work and boy am I making him work for it!
But talking is good. Im not being sucked back in, but I am listening and paying attention to what he is doing. I know the OW and him arent together anymore. This time it seemed to end before he started sniffing around me again. THat is different than everytime before.
IMP and swl...im not letting him suck me back in. I know he still has a long way to go. He is on a high dose of anxiety meds and is seeing his therapist every week. Im curious to what they may talk about tonight.
Im good though. Need a vacation from my vacation!!
I was just interested in you guys thoughts on why he wants me to ask questions. I really think though it is that he wants me to ask about the OW and him coming home. That is all Ican come up with .....but I will not ask him.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
DO YOU HOW MANY 2 X 4'S WERE AIMED AT YOUR HEAD ????????
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
KISSAK! Never do that. I haven't even had coffee yet!
Look at you. You are having fun. You are full of life. Keep doing what you are doing and don't let him influence your days.
Happy April Fool's Day!
*hugs* ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I haven't even had coffee yet!