Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis FInally Snapped.

Cinders, I do believe that you TM your H was absolutely fine. You made nice and put things back on track, you were the bigger person and did just fine IMO.

Cinders , you were being real to yourself..that is all that matters. Do not feel bad because you let him know how you felt..we are not like them. We can't just flip a switch.

I know it hurts to have OW around the children.I know you are hurting.

You are allowed to feel that way. You will get past this.

(((hugs)))))

MMF - all I can say is - I love you, thanks for bringing God to me again !

I think you are the best !

Cinders,
I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed someone. Are you in UK? I seem to get the impression that you are. Do you want to find a way to communicate outside of the BB? I know how hard it is wanting to speak to someone when most of the people you talk to here are from USA. I'm not quite sure how we do this now that email address have been removed from profiles but if you do want someone to talk to that is more accessible let me know and I'm sure we could find a way.

Cinders, it is all Him. I would love to be someone that He can use so for that I am the grateful one. And you are a blessing to my life!

Well, after ow spoke to the kids last night on the phone (H put her on) and she had sent D9 an email, I completely decided that this was ENOUGH !

I found a picture on D9's phone of her dad and the ow in a heart !

I have told the children that mommy does not want this contact. Ow is part of H's life, NOT MINE, and for now I do not want her calling this house, or speaking to the kids or emailing them. That is MY boundary. Some of you may not agree, but this is what I want.

H sent an email back, with lies, saying the kids had asked to speak with ow. It was not true, I was there. Also he said that he hoped in the future we could be friends, for our relationship had deteriorated lately.

I sent an email back. I told him I do not wish to discuss the issue, these are my boundaries and that is IT. I also told him that we are not friends and that everything we had between us is gone and dead. I told him that any love I felt for him has died after all this pain, humiliation and sadness. I told him he is now just the father of the children to me.

I know I will have dissapointed many of you in this. But I am choosing for ME, I can no longer go on hurting this much, for it will kill me.
I do not want him in my life, I do not love him anymore. I hate what he has done to this family. I hate his selfish choices !
I no longer want this man.

Thank you for all your love and support.

Cinders ((((((((((hugs))))))))). You did right in setting your boundaries. The way you went about it may not have been quite right but we all make mistakes especially when we are hurting. I also went about things in the wrong way but my kids are older than yours and I thought they were capable of understanding. They were but I didn't factor in how that might affect thier R with the father. As much as I don't like to see my children hurt (and hurt them he does on a regular basis) I wouldn't want them to not see him at all (although sometimes it would make me feel better if that is what they chose).

I think what you need to try to avoid now is what happened to me. My Hs OW has never contacted my kids (to my knowledge) but she has made sure that I knew it was her responding to TMs that I sent H. My reaction was to remind her that he was MY H. Hs reaction (obviously influenced by her) was to send me a letter from his L banning me from contacting him at all (even about the children) on his mobile. So OW has made sure that she reinforced as little communication between my H and I as possible. He doesn't even reply to emails that invite him to events that the kids are involved in (parents evenings, sports awards etc). These emails go to his work address but he still sticks by HER no contact regime. To date communication between you and your H has been VERY good believe me you don't want the opposite.

So take a deep breath. Recover your normal composure and move forward from this incident. Keep intact your boundaries but if they are breached take it up with H and not your children. They don't need to get caught in the middle of this. I hadn't even realised that my teenagers felt like this so I don't expect that younger children would be able to verbalise it.

Angelica sent you my email please use it if it will help

Cinders,

Just dropping by to give you some support. I think it's fine to set boundaries about what you will have happen in your house where OW is concerned.

As ACJ said - try not to put your kids in the middle of it. Just take it up with their dad if the boundary is breached.

Big hugs to you and sorry I wasn't around this weekend when you were hurting.

You have my email and I do check it at least once a day so email if you need to.

BFM

Thanks guys,

I have tried not to put them in the middle. But H did by calling the house and putting ow on the phone to them so they would feel awkward talking to her in front of me. I have just explained to the kids that I do not want that to happen again, so I have told their dad that I do not want that to happen !

If anything I am trying to keep the kids in a comfortable zone. Without ow intrusions in MY household.

I know that I may not have made that clear before. Sorry for that.

BFM, yes I will email, for I always think that you have clear minded views on things. I will do so later tonight ok ?!

ACJ, thanks for all your info ! I'm not in the uk, but thanks still !

My MIL was here today and well, it was lovely. She is so sad about this all. We both do not understand H. But this is going on so long that...well, she too is loosing hope.