WOW! I think you did great! A kiss?!?!?! I think you letter came at the right time. He is "dreading" OW coming next week???
He is definitely confused and questioning the decisions he has made. You are right, this is a huge leap in the right direction. I think with all the contact he has been making lately he has been working up the nerve to have this conversation with you.
So I guess now all you can do is wait. Maybe he will get the balls to break it off with OW next week. I really think if she hadn't been so far away that relationship would have been over a while ago.
I do think you are amazing at how you are handling this Michelle. You reacted the way I wish that I would have a lot of the time. It seems you kept your cool with no arguments or yelling. You are doing great!!
WOW Michelle !!!! I checked your sitch to see if you went for the drink or not, I didnt expect that. Thats amazing news! I am SO happy for you! He said he was dreading seeing her and implied he didnt know how to break it off but is obviously planning to, thats amazing !! Lets hope he does then and surely he will if he implied he might to you?
I wish I'd written that letter to my BF now afterall, maybe he would have seen me in a different light! What vindication for you and it really really worked, to make him see that he'd gone away thinking things in his head, making assumptions and you just blew all that away by explaining. And a kiss!
I'm so thrilled to hear that he is wavering and stressing abuot his grotty OW coming to stay. Fantastic !!! Gosh, thats you and OneDay with good news today..I'm hoping Kalni is next. These WAS could be falling like a pack of cards before the month is out :-) I bet you cant wait to see what happens after OW visits...
Ali xxx ______________ Me: 37 H: 34 T: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08 Depression confirmed!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Well its a step. If the OW is coming and he is dreading it, that may be an indication that his realization that his stereotyping of you was just that. His percepttion,based on what he was doing. Its easier to do things you know are wrong if you can excuse your behavior because someone else is to blame. Ok, how random fortune cookie was that?
Glad you had a good time at your party, I just realized you are in Sac. I'm about 4 hrs to the South. After looking at all of the people from Cali. that are on these boards I'm starting to wonder what is up in the Golden State?
It sounds positive, just keep doing what you are doing and let him discover for himself that the OW is not the answer to the problem, just a distraction and a complication. Have a great day!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Things sound positive! I am glad that he was willing to think and talk about the letter. No make up sex...but a kiss! Things look like they are more positive now.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
And that OW will arrive at the end of this week and he's confused and doesn't know what to do and is dreading it.
He's dreading it?!! That's fantaastic Michelle! Brilliant news, not only that he said that but that he was opening up to you and asking what you wanted aswell. And he is questioning a lot of things? That is wonderful!
I'm not sure I can add much more to what the others have said.....but I am so happy for you Michelle!
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
I think that the timing of your letter turned out to be even better than you ever could have imagined! You have him thinking at a perfect time! Now is the time to get out of the way, and be quiet, I think. Let OW come in, and most likely shoot herself squarely in the foot. You are going to be on his mind, and her immaturity, especially in comparison to you, is going to be glaringly obvious, even to his confused mind.
So, step back, and be still, I think. Watch and listen!
Yeah, it was a surprising and wonderful evening. But I'm sure he's gonna need time to deal with OW and really figure out what he wants. I am really trying to put myself in a more dating frame of mind - not expecting phone calls every day etc. Except it's a bit hard to do since we didn't really have a dating phase the first time around.
One of the more vulnerable things H said was that what if he leaves OW and we try and make it work and it doesn't? I said I'd had that thought myself, but he could always D me later (while smiling). He laughed and said that's true.
It was VERY hard, but I made a point of keeping things light. Listening, not interrupting, smiling, making lots of eye contact, and making a few jokes to lighten the tension and keep things from getting too serious.
I am so glad I wrote that letter!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
It is hard to keep expectations down when they have a minor breakthrough. Keep doing what you were doing. You are doing great at not getting too serious in your talks with him.
I am really surprised he said that about leaving OW. Sit back and wait. He is thinking. Let OW do the damage. He will definitely be thinking about you while she is there. She is a mess...my guess is that he will realize he doesn't want any part of that.
The timing on the letter was great. I think that is very important. If you had written it sooner I don't think it would have had the outcome it did. You gave him time to experience life without you. You let him realize that no one else can make him happy...HE has to do that. Good job!!!
Now is when patience is the most crucial....and also the hardest! I know you can do it though.
I wish there were more "tell tale" signs of what makes the WAS finally turn the corner to heading back towards their homes and spouses.
Are they afraid to love again?... is fear such a HUGE factor, maybe one we don't give enough credit? The kiss is def in the right direction.
Best wishes for you Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
