I wonder how I could have her arrested. I broke out a new digital recorder today and all nasty convo's will be taped from now on. Name calling while drunk will not be accepted by me or the kids anymore. No way!
She didn't drink today (two beers) so there have been no problems.
I feel like I am starting to lose interest. Just part of the ride I think.
Things are really a mess. She is really angry. She started an argument over taxes this morning that lead to her calling her L and asking for a meeting with my L to get things straighten out in this bad situation.
The first thing she said to me this morning was that she was going our Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday night. I wrote her a note saying this is totally unacceptable to leave me as the only parent all these evenings considering I have soccer w S12 on Monday and Wednesday and then I am driving the whole family to Boston on Friday for her mothers funeral and bringing all home, except her, on Saturday. She is totally neglecting the family and leaving it all up to me. I am currently recording all conversations with her and i am considering going to the police to inform them that she pushed me on Friday night and is being verbally abusive.
This really hurts not only me but also the children but I am stuck and don't know what to do.
Pretty quite on the homefront tonight. I don't think she is talking to me anymore since I recordered our last conversation. I think we are done, just a matter of time. She has been on the phone for the last two hrs, she loves to do that to bug the sh** out of me. I deserve so much better.
Are you sure you can legally record someone's conversation with you without their permission? I don't know, but you might want to check that before you assume that you've got the goods on her when you might not. I'm guessing you are playing for evidence to win custody of the kids, but I'd talk to a L about how those decisions get made in your state.
Sorry to hear about how awful she is. Each day sounds like a real struggle, at least in terms of not knowing what she'll pull next. You sound like you are holding up all right under the challenges. Keep it up. You will be fine in the long run, though you sound like you are in for a bumpy ride in the short term. Keep us updated.
I just want to record the conversations to show her how abusive she is when she is drunk. The cursing and ranting. She is fully aware that I am recording them. Also if she tries to pull some domestic Violence stuff I want it as protection.
Life is very difficult these days. She is doing anything to get me upset. Bad way to live. She has no regard for me or the kids, just her 15 year old self. She just wants to be fun Sally again.
Have you played anything for her yet? Given what I've read here on MLC, I'm skeptical if you will get her to see the "error" of her ways. I wish you well, however. I certainly don't have any ideas for how to make a MLC person change their perspectives, so more power to you.
Take a look at my post to Purr--I'm curious what you and others think about the issue of finding love in midlife. I read a very good article, written by a woman, in the March issue of The Atlantic Monthly. I won't summarize it again, but I felt better after reading it. She believes it's harder for women to find love in midlife. Some of our WAW will want to be alone, and if that's how they want to live the rest of their days we can't stop them. However, it's more likely that there will come a day when she realizes she wants/needs somebody to share life's ups and downs with, and at that point it may be hard for her to find someone. There aren't that many available middle aged men, and many of the available ones want younger women. It's at that point that WAW might realize what a mistake they have made in abandoning us. I'm not saying you and I were perfect and that they ought to beg us to stay with them. Believe me, I've seen my faults and continue to learn about love, marriages, and women. However, I wanted to do this in the context of working with my W on our relationship. She has chosen to run away. Well, that's her choice and I truly do wish her happiness, however she defines that. If it's a new love she wants someday, however, she may find it but she may not.
Right now I suspect freedom seems sweet, but most people eventually want a partner. It's going to be tougher, on average, for women than men. I know it will be tough for me too, and I won't take anyone who comes down the path, but I do take some comfort in believing that men tend to have an easier time.
Tree, do you believe that? Ladies who are reading this--do you believe that middle aged men overall will have an easier time finding new love than middle aged women do? I'm talking about averages here--any one of us, male or female, could find our situations easier or harder than the "averages" suggest. I don't say any of this in arrogance. I'm simply trying to see and learn what life is about, to face my situation squarely.
I have not played anything for her and may never, I just want her to know when she gets out of hand that there is a record of it.
Bruce and Purr not only do our sithes resemble each others but i think you aremind readers for I had this conversation with a few people today. There are very simply many more single woman out there than men. Mid-aged men want younger women period. There are many younger woman that would be perfectly happy with a succesful middle aged man. The pool pf qualified middle aged men is a very small pool. There are many women out there. You see these women out in groups all the time. My wife is out sitting on a bar stool right now with what I call the society for separated woman. I talked to my Pysc about this today, he said my wife will find someone but they will be very superfical and want only one thing and once they get it they will be on there way. My W will be 47 this month and is showing signs of middle age. I am 48 and if I was hanging in a bar looking for women (Which I would never do, what kind of lady will you find drunk in a bar) she would not be what I would be looking for.
I don't spend to much time thinking about my next lady for I am very much still in love but she would be younger, 35-40, possibly able to have another baby and very mentally stable. My W is non of these. My W has 3 kids, issues with anger, she is very confused, deeply depresses and very much running from herself. I would pick this up in a minute in a conversation with her.
I submit to you that there is a lot more women for the middle aged man than there is men for the middle aged women.
I liked the part of this article you reference that states:
"Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way." That about sums it up.
Yes, you, Purr and I should form a support group, but one that has a lot of fun too. I agree that a lot of middle aged women might well be able to find a fling or two, but deeper love will be harder. Not necessarily impossible, for all it takes is one special person to come into their lives. However, I do believe they will find the road to lasting love a hard one. We might too, but men can more easily move up or down the age ladder. My W is in her early 40s and very smart. That's going to be another strike against her, for, sadly, many men are intimidated by smart women. She, too, is depressed, controlling, and prone to anxiety. Maybe she has worked on this in the last year, and for her sake I hope so. If she hasn't, a man will pick up on this very quickly and move on. I wish I had known how these traits affected relationships much earlier, but I do know now and life doesn't look the same--either the past or the present. It's truly been an "aha" period for me. I learned late, but I feel I have learned. I have my moments when I wish I could believe she has grown too. I have my faults and would like to think I've changed, so perhaps she can too. Then I think about how she has given me no sign of doing so and think it's best I move on to find someone who is a better match for my needs and can accept what I have to give.
Maybe they just want to be alone? If so, that's their choice to make. Meanwhile, it's our job to keep working on ourselves and becoming the most exciting, interesting, and loving people we can be.
My wife has stated that she wants to date and she most likely is. This guy she met in October gave her a lot of confidence that she was valuable and gave her great confidence that she could score lots of guys out there. What she will find is the grass is not greener, it is astroturf, If and when she comes running back it may be to late I may be with some young lucky lady whom I have chosen to share my life with.
She came home very drunk and I acted like I was sleep. she could not even get up last. Looking for an argument this morning. I stayed out of the way. Just told her I supported her.
