Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Affair is over and WW is responding

Oh, I am really sorry to hear that your W has tried to contact the OM. That is REALLY hurtful. Do you think she just had a slip up in a moment of weakness, or do you think they have been contacting each other this whole time?

I think your children are old enough to hear what is going on. They aren't babies and they need to know what is going on becaue it effects them as well. I totally support you telling them.

Good luck tonight! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,

Sara

Oh, I am really sorry to hear that your W has tried to contact the OM. That is REALLY hurtful. Do you think she just had a slip up in a moment of weakness, or do you think they have been contacting each other this whole time?

I think your children are old enough to hear what is going on. They aren't babies and they need to know what is going on becaue it effects them as well. I totally support you telling them.

Good luck tonight! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,

Sara

Ok, this might be a little long, but hang in there.

First Sara, yes you are right, the kids need to hear what's going to possibly break up their family. And there is no way I'm going to allow WW to introduce her "new" boyfriend to them without them knowing he's the one that is contributing to the break up of their family.

Now more of the story. I talked to OMW last night and told her the story. She finally got a hold of OM and asked him if he had something to tell her? He said no. This went back and forth a few times. Finally she said, could you tell me how someone in (my hometown) knows I have an appt with an attny this week. OM denies knowing how someone would know that multiple times. So OMW told him to quit f-ing lying to her. OMW then said to him "Could you tell me why someone in (my hometown) was under the impression that you were coming up there this weekend?" He yelled at her he didn't have any idea and he wasn't coming up here.

So OMW started questioning him why OM and WW were still talking. He said, it's just email. OMW said "apparently she thinks it's more because she thought you were coming up there this weekend". He said it's just email talk. OMW said why have you been lying to me since Dec saying you weren't talking to her then? He said it's just email. OMW said even if it's only email you're still having an affair with her. Of course he denied that.

So now is when it get's good. OMW had a missed call on her cell yesterday and it was from OM's area code. OMW called him and asked why she was getting a call from his area? OM about lost it. WHAT NUMBER IS IT? WHO IS IT? OMW said she couldn't see the number but was going to call it and see who it was. She hung up and called the number. It was OM's landlord, but she called him back and asked him why a woman answered the phone. He went into panic mode again about who it was and he had no idea who would be calling her etc.

So....doesn't change my plans at all, but it's interesting that OM probably already has another one on the hook and is stringing WW along, possibly to use her when he can find time.

And WW is going to throw away everything for this POS. It's just stunning.

Hi Hope 4 us,

I am sorry about what is going on for you today. I am right to understand you have not discussed any of this with your wife yet? I am sorry that what seemed so positive on the weekend got so turned around. Aren't the ups and downs the hardest part?

Before I found evrything that let me know my h had OW I snopped often, I had a feeling, and I needed to look so I could put aside my fears(hoping to find nothing). Now I am afraid to look. I know that I will get the phone bill this week so I won't look on the website I can go to right now. Pathetic. You are strong. Take care and good luck with the rest of your evening.

Thanks Neecy. I know a lot of (most?) people here advise against snooping, but I think for me personally, it's a good thing.

I mean, if I hadn't looked last night I would have gone into more debt for a car for DS19 and now that I know what's going on (or still going on) WW would probably have saved up her little nest egg, left when she decided to and then tried to introduce our kids to her "new" boyfriend.

And I'll believe until the day I die that doing what I'm doing to protect my kids from a serial cheatin, alcoholic, abusive POS is the right thing. And if I hadn't snooped, I would be just plugging along thinking I was making progress.

Talk about a waste.

hope,

Wow that is craziness... I know what you mean about snooping. Your not supposed to do, but I understand it. Some of us wouldn't even know what was going on, or what happend if we didn't, therefore, going through our marriages thinking everything is ok. I happend to find out accidentially, but still, I did snoop for awhile after that, and now only do it if my gut really tells me something is up. Other than that , I leave everything to fate.. I know it may sound crazy, but I only have control over just so much.

I can't continually worry about what he is doing, don't get me wrong, I do wonder sometimes, and second guess things, but I don't let it consume me. You can't. Its not healthy for you or your family.

hang in there..

((((hugs))))

I think it is the contstant snooping that is wrong. When you look at their cell phone 5-6 times a day and there is really no reason to. But I totally think you SHOULD snoop if you are in need of answers that you spouse isn't telling you. And let me tell you from my experience, it is such a wonderful feeling to snoop and find nothing. Especially when you are prepared to find something.

Sara

Sara, I really haven't snooped in 2-3 months. And sometimes I wished I'd had because if I'd have known then, what I know now, I could have spared myself 2 months or so of b.s. I was really hoping to find good news when I snooped Sun night, but what I found told me that there is only one thing that may possibly wake her up and that's pushing the envelope. She's just so lost in this and can't see that OM is using her, stringing her along, etc and I believe my only hope is to force the issue. And really, like a couple of others here, I'm ready to move forward with my life, with or without her. There's only so much abuse, lies, and disrespect one person can take. And she's doing her best to manipulate things so everything works out for "her" and the hell with her kids, husband, family and friends. It's time for her to face the consequences of her actions. IMO, only then will she possibly wake up. If she doesn't, I'm sure I don't want to be with the person she's become.

Last night was, in a word, QUIET. She didn't say a single word to me and I didn't say a word to her. It was funny sitting there watching her squirm in the silence. She knows she was busted and now she has to be wondering what I'm going to do. I hope it's quiet the rest of the week so I don't have to reveal my hand before I'm prepared to do so.

I understand what you mean Tired. And I know I only have control over myself (and my kids), but if I hadn't snooped I would be just crusing along thinking I was making progress in saving my marriage while my WW f's another married man and plans her life with him in a way to become "one big happy family" and I REFUSE to let my kids be exposed to a serial cheatin, alcoholic, abusive POS.

Maybe I'm handling this wrong, but it's RIGHT for me and my kids. If she can't see how destructive her actions are, then someone has to let her see the reality of it.

I understand your hurting and your sitch is bad, it is bad for the kids, you and of course your W. Have you ever asked her why she is seeking the comfort of another. Based on what I have read of your sitch you want to work it out but you are pissed her affair of the end of it is not meeting your timeline.

I will just say this think of this like alcholism, she won't quit until she is ready to do it herself. I don't blame you for your actions and your feelings of anger and punishment are very understandable. Nobody likes to feel like a doormat, but blowing her up is going to help who and for how long. Maybe you will feel good for a few months but what about the kids and what about your W. What will happen to her as her world collapses.

I will offer this if you make an ultimatium before you file, ask her to seek individual counseling. Let her figure out what it is she needs to get herself right, sounds like she is very confused and very screwed up. She doesn't sound like she has much in the way of self confidence.

I wish you and your family well.