He's trying to show something, that he can take care of himself, give himself what he needs or thinks he needs. He defined it, planned it and will see how it all works. Even if you're not there, lwb, you are there. You've been with him too long not to be hardwired into his brain. You'll be missed.
AND.. the most important birthday celebration will be with 'his girls'
Your H sounds like mine. Before he turned 30 he flatly stated he did not want a party, no way, no how. He repeated it several times and I got the message. NO PARTY! The day of b'day he rolls over and says.. Okay, you can admit it. I know you're having a surprise party for me tonight.
Uhh, no I'm not.
He keeps asking me, I keep saying no and he leaves to go to work, upset that there is no party.
The lesson I learned was that even if he said he didn't want something, it didn't mean he didn't want it. He just didn't know how to give it to himself.
And that my friend, is a skill everyone needs to learn.
Take it from me. Yes I let it be known that I wanted a B-Day party and it was a good one but...... It was the week before my real B-Day. Stupid me trying to "Take care of myself" left for Vegas the next day. And yes I did have a good time and learned allot about myself BUT..... the day of my B-Day I was by myself. That is one thing I will NEVER do agian. I was with my family for the last 25 years on my B-Day and how here I am all by myself.. He will think of you...
Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
He's trying to show something, that he can take care of himself, give himself what he needs or thinks he needs. He defined it, planned it and will see how it all works.
And he has said as much, Gypsy. He says this is for him, something just for him. Before Christmas he bought a big screen TV (claiming it was for his dad's, but he has yet to take it), and when he was buying it online, he said "Merry Christmas to me" and clicked to purchase. He has felt so very neglected, so left behind, so put waaaay down on the list, that its bubbling up and taking him over. This way of thinking has made him a very selfish person in so many ways.
FIL's party. Sigh. It was way more uncomfortable than I thought it would be. But only for me, I think. The girls had fun, no one else seemed uncomfortable. I heard rumblings of H's party next weekend, so his family is invited (which H told me). It was all weird. They don't know. I don't think they have a clue. I told H tonight that I won't be taking them to functions anymore until he balls up and tells his family what's going on. Its been a month and according to him, nothing is changing, so why not tell!??
If he has a little chick at his side at the birthday party he won't have to tell them. They will figure it out
I am almost positive that not only will some girl be there, but that she helped him plan it. I am sure H will make sure she appears as a friend only that night. Barf.
You're incredible.. you can toss cookies and still be adorable.
Having the 2x4 of the rumor mill whispering about H moving to live with a GF just sucked. I keep repeating to myself.. It's none of my business. His actions are a direct result of his own personal unhappiness. If H is mad/upset, H only has to look in the mirror to know the culprit.
Getting all annoyed about a lil chick or OW works against you, against me. They are a symptom, not the cause. Fuming about them brings negative energy and drains the positive energy needed to stay the course, to focus and rebuild our tattered selves.
It's like getting mad at a zit.
The person to focus on is your spouse not the interloper. But even then, how you focus is a choice. I'm trying to transform anger to energy directed in a more positive light. Why do I want to waste my energy on anger.
It's like popping a zit.
All these techniques help me to focus on what is good and precious in life. What shreds my soul and confidence when the fear and helplessness whirl out of control, disappears with positive activity. My life can't be all about a hole in my heart.
It's like ignoring a zit.
I seem to be saying "Man that annoys me" quite a lot these days... and then moving on.. if somewhat shakily. Then I try and find an opportunity to do something nice as the day goes on.. nothing big, just a random act of kindness.
Getting all annoyed about a lil chick or OW works against you, against me. They are a symptom, not the cause. Fuming about them brings negative energy and drains the positive energy needed to stay the course, to focus and rebuild our tattered selves.
H is sooooo lame. He shows up tonight to 'see the girls'. He comes in the bedroom (they were in MY bed watching TV), he lays down with them, asks them how their day was, and then promptly falls asleep before they answer him. Fool. Not much sleep this weekend, I suppose. Its tough being 21 yrs old when you are almost 36, married, a full time demanding job, 2 kids, oh and a girlfriend.
I am embarrassed for him, that he is this tired. I did the math this week and he spent about 10 hours with the kids while they were awake. He has three full days off too. How sad what he is missing out at the moment. I can only hope for their sake he realizes it soon. If not, then his loss. What a zit he is.
I continue to wonder/process why I miss a man that disappoints me so much....
Karen