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I don't want to step on Mom's toes, but I think what she is referring to (and what has come up on may occassions) is the "In Love" feelings. Yes we can talk and we get along quite nicely but there is a feeling that 'something' is missing. Yes, the dialogs help us connect on some level, but they don't give her the "I WANT YOU RIGHT NOW" feelings.

I want her to want me, and for her to feel engaged and fulfilled by this relationship, she wants to have those feelings of wanting me. She wants to have the feelings that I have for her. I can more easily relate to it being a sexual feeling, but it is more than that for her. That is just how I best express my emotions. Neither of us wants to just coexist and put up with each other. We want it to be meaningful.

Again, I may be way off base here, so I'll now give the floor to Mo2C.

hope,

Sara really nailed it on the head... your marriage and family are a choice..

I have to tell you hope that I am married to someone who is very sexual. While I do want my H, I don't want sex all the time like he does, so we try and do different things.

I don't buy this nonsense of her not being attracted to you, maybe im wrong, but im sorry, having TWO affairs in not the answer!! She should have came to you first and discussed her issues, and maybe things wouldn't have gone that far.

I hope things change for you. I wasn't trying to be harsh, but we don't always look at our spouses with stars in our eyes, that's just not real life... its about caring and loving end of story.

Good luck.

tal

Are the "I want you now" feelings really going to happen all the time, at this stage of the game?
Because if that is what is needed in a marriage then mine should really be over.
Sure I get the urge, and want to have sex with my H, but I don't need have that young rip my clothes of sex, time to time we still have it, but I want the lets plan it for tonight, and take our time, gentle, loving kind of sex.
I don't look at my H now and get all hot and bothered everytime, and I don't expect too.
Sure I can't deny that sometimes it would be nice to have that our 20,s sex, were we couldn't get enough of each other, but really now with work, kids, parents...who really has the time or inclination!
I think that what we can have now can be so much better! The "passion" settles into something more stable.
My passion comes from the trying my H is doing for the most part now, showing me that he is stepping up and make it better.
I don't want us to have what he had with the ow, because what we have is better, because its real and true on so many levels.

I hope that I am not making anyone mad, or rambling

limbo...well said..

I don't know what you are looking for to create more excitement. My husband and I have enjoyed my sexy lingerie purchases from Fredericks of Hollywood. I bought those things thinking it might make things hotter for him. But over time I have realized that I enjoy sex more wearing the outfits. It's not an everynight kind of thing. But I like to pull it out once in a while. Fantasy is fun. I take a bellydance class, and for his birthday I wore a bellydancer costume and did a dance for him. We had sex with the costume still on.

I am not looking for excitement or the "i want you now feelings" all the time. HFF - This is why i stopped posting and reading here, it infuriates me that you all think that is all that i want. I know that those lusty feelings go away and a mature relationship develops - i get it. But being sexually attracted to someone IS important no matter how long you are married and not matter how mature the relationship is.

IT has nothing ot do with whther my H is good looking - he is VERY good looking by the way - I am trying to do the right thing and yet i get chastised from peop[le who don't know me and don't truly know the situation.

I'm sorry HFF but the only reason i came back on to hs site today is becasue i knew you would have posted about reading my diary and would not have brought it up to me in person. At least not right away.

You guys are harsh, i don't need to get a thicker skin, i need to keep my private life private nad not worry what a bunch of strangers (to me anyway) think about me as a person. I know I made bad choices and I am now making a choice to keep my sanity by not worrying what you all have to say about me. You don't know me, you don't truly know HFF either.

why is it the "REAL" people i talk to seem to understand or at least try to see my side a bit yet those of you who don't know me don't understand or even TRY to understand.

Okay, that didn't go so well. What I do want to point out is that Mo2C is still with me, still in the R and still trying to work on things. She is trying, but there is still something missing for her. I may have misspoken when I said "I WANT YOU NOW". That may have been exaggerated. It is the attraction in general and this is what I have a hard time coming to grips with. (as does W). So again, we can talk well. We can share emotions and feelings. When we are intimate, I can please her and she can please me. But how do we get her to want to do that without me needing to initiate? There is something missing and we don't know how to get that back.



What I don't like to see is people here being judgemental, especially in this forum. We are here in piecing and it is a team effort. I could understand harsh words from some of the other forums, but here I am looking for advice and support.

Mom of 2/HFF

I truly am sorry if you thought that I was attacking or being harsh, that was not my intent.
I was just trying to say that there is a whole package, and that has to be looked at.
Looks for me have never been a issue, my H is not gorgeous, it was what kind of man he was that attracted me, and I am starting to see that man again.
Maybe that expectations are to high, or to soon. There is so much pressure that you are both feeling.
And I think that you will find people here have a different slant on things, because we have lived it and been through it and now realize how things truly work.
We all just try and help each other here, and sometime we think a 2x4 is needed, but it is never done with malice or out of bitterness.
Mom, I hope that you do continue to come back, and work on what is important

Momof2,

I get the feeling you are projecting your feelings on others on the boards a bit and feeling harshly judged. I am sorry you feel that way. Truly all most people here are looking for is a way it can work in their M's.

Have you heard of a book called Peace Between the Sheets? I have very recently been told about it and I think it could really help me with the romantic / loving / sexual side of my M.

I love my H very much but sometimes I don't feel like I want the intimacy and it bothers ME that I feel like I don't want it. I feel like I should. And the more I feel bad about this area the worse things get until I just withdraw from the R and feel like my H is pursuing me. This book apparently explains quite a lot about the hormonal influences on our bodies and the interactions of the various chemicals and why we feel like we do at certain times.

I hope this helps. It is so hard to get the balance right.

Oh Man Sara..... TOO much info. give a "hungery" guy a break....


H