Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Affair is over and WW is responding

I like your attitude. Funny, when I asked WW about making the reservation she said, "go a head, but this in no way means I'm committed to going". So when I made the reservation I told her I got a 1 BR so I could sleep on the hide a bed and she gave me this look and made a sound like, you didn't have to do that, we can share the bed.

Almost made me laugh coming from a WW who has slept on the couch since Sept.

and I know what you mean. While WW and I were at WDW in Oct she was sneaking off to TM OM every chance she could. I even saw one of the text's he sent her the night they had a phone "fight" (because WE were having such a good time) and it about made my stomach turn (I guess it was a make up sex kind of TM).

I forwarded that TM to my phone and I use it to pump my resolve when I feel myself slipping.

Not much to say today. WW went out shopping with the enabler yesterday after work. She never told me she was going. DS15 clued me in. So she get's home at 9:00 and goes straight upstairs to watch American Idol. Man, I'm beginning to HATE that show.

Anyway, she didn't say more than 2 words to me between her getting home and me going to bed. I really didn't expect much knowing that she was spending the evening with the "new" GF from work who is a mid 20's wreck. I talked about her before. And every time WW and the twit are together I can just expect a few days of pull back. WHY CAN'T OUR SPOUSES SEE HOW MUCH THEIR ENABLER FRIENDS ARE HURTING THEM?

Ok, that was me getting the scream out that I needed. I would like nothing more than to tell the twit what I think of her, but that would just make WW think I'm more controlling, but sometimes I just feel sad for this twit as she only hears what WW tells her and validates that. That's why it's obvious WW has distanced herself from her real friends. They won't buy her B.S. and tell her what she wants to hear.

But really I'm having a pretty good day!

Not much to say today. WW went out shopping with the enabler yesterday after work. She never told me she was going. DS15 clued me in. So she get's home at 9:00 and goes straight upstairs to watch American Idol. Man, I'm beginning to HATE that show.

Anyway, she didn't say more than 2 words to me between her getting home and me going to bed. I really didn't expect much knowing that she was spending the evening with the "new" GF from work who is a mid 20's wreck. I talked about her before. And every time WW and the twit are together I can just expect a few days of pull back. WHY CAN'T OUR SPOUSES SEE HOW MUCH THEIR ENABLER FRIENDS ARE HURTING THEM?

Ok, that was me getting the scream out that I needed. I would like nothing more than to tell the twit what I think of her, but that would just make WW think I'm more controlling, but sometimes I just feel sad for this twit as she only hears what WW tells her and validates that. That's why it's obvious WW has distanced herself from her real friends. They won't buy her B.S. and tell her what she wants to hear.

But really I'm having a pretty good day!

Multiple choice question for you H4U:

My WW's enabler friend has done which of the following.

A. Given my WW a 'How to get a divorce brochure'
B. Forwarded emails from my wife to OM, so I didn't see them.
C. Let my WW use her cell phone (MANY MANY) times so I didn't see WW calling OM.
D. Acted as a pass-thru for information between OM and WW while OM was out of town and there was supposedly NC.
E. Give my WW LOTS of BAAAAAAD Advice on how to deal with this affair.
F. Let her house, phone, address be used in many many ways to enable the A.

What is the correct answer??????????

ALL OF THE ABOVE!! Gotta love those enabler friends! No affair is complete without one!

Ok, DMB, you win that one.

A, not that I know of but I'm assuming Enabler friend gave WW her divorce attnys number cause WW told me 7 weeks ago she's consulted a lawyer and had told me back in Oct how wonderfully the enablers attny had handled her situation.

B, No reason for this. WW could use work email to contact OM without my knowing.

C, Don't think this one is necessary either because WW could use work phone to contact OM if she wanted. Enabler and WW work together.

D, No need here, see B & C above.

E, BINGO. You win the prize on that one.

F, Again, no reason here. When OM lived in our area he lived by himself as his wife lives 1000 miles away.


And answer E is what I'm struggling with right now. How can a 47 yr old mother of 2 take martial advise from a 20 something, divorcing, immature piece of work?

I guess there's nothing I can really do about the enabler. And she only knows what WW tells her, so if enabler really knew me things might be different. If I tell enabler to get out of my marriage it will make WW think I'm even more controlling. But if I don't say anything, enabler sets us back everytime they spend any amount of time together (last night for example). I don't think enabler will make a difference whether WW and I make it in the end, but I guarantee she will affect the timing.

Just really stinks.

Hi hope4us..

I appreciate reading your sitch because you are right...we are in similar places. My H seems like the male version of your W. My husband realized that it was over on March 8. That was the day the OW texted me and said to let me husband know that if he ever comes to her home again she is getting a restraining order. So while my H is still "madly in love" with her and not me, she has dumped him. He has no where to go but back home to me. He plans on leaving whenever he can save up enough money. I am the one who makes the most money in our house (which isn't much) and have the same feeling that you had. Is my H using me so that he can save up a nest egg to leave?

I have many days where I just want to say to him...fine...you don't love me, you dont' find me sexually attractive and are unhappy. Then go. Take all of your DVDs and books and get out of my life. I can find someone better...someone who can respect me. But then I dont' say that because I want my M to work.

One difference I see is that H and I still sleep in the same bed. This is because we don't have an extra bed and only have a love seat in the house. I tried sleep on the love seat and was really uncomfortable. He is the one with the issues...so I figure that he can sleep on the love seat if he really wants.

Have you gotten a hug from your W yet?? I think I would kill someone for any type of physical touch. But I especially would kill for a hug from my husband. I miss that more than anything else right now.

Sara

Thanks for the note Sara. We do seem pretty close in our sitch's. There is no way I would leave the bed. She's the one that doesn't want to sleep in it, it's sofa city for her.

I tried to hold her hand back in Oct when we were in Fla and it was like I had the plague. No physical contact since. I've squeezed her shoulder a few times on the way to bed, but nothing more.

I'm with you, I would kill for a little contact. I was at a sports bar the other night and the barmaid brushed my hand while grabbing my credit card and it about sent me through the roof!

I think I may be in a little better place than your sitch as I'm sure WW's OM ripped on her when he found out about about WW's STD. Given I had seen TM's between them multiple times that he treated her bad and then either called her or email her letting her have it for not telling him about her STD, it probably soured her on him pretty quick. There had to be a comparison between how I handled it when she told me about it and how he handled it. Score one for the good guy there.

Now I'm just letting her deal with her demons and slowly (hopefully) come to see I'm not the anti-christ she has made me out to be so she can feel ok with what she's done. it's a slow process, but I've got time.

I wouldn't worry about your husband saving money to move right now. Waywards think all kinds of stupid stuff while still under the influence of the affair. Let withdrawal work it's magic and their thinking will become more clear as time goes by.

Must be getting better at this detaching bit.

Last night I put a load of laundry in when I got home from work. WW was at the salon. I was putting the load in the dryer when she got home and she started putting some of her clothes and the kids down the shoot. After I came upstairs she went down and threw a load in the washer.

The washer was done before the load I threw in was dry so when I went down to get those clothes I just threw the jeans in the dryer and a load of shirts in the washer. When I came upstairs WW was walking to the basement door and stopped when she heard the washer/dryer going. This PISSED her off. Not sure why me switching loads around while I was down there anyway would make her mad, but it did. She stomped over and grabbed her coat, threw her keys on the counter and slammed the garage door on the way out to smoke. I just kind of giggled. I'm guessing that me helping her or being considerate to her in any way makes her mad because she's made me into this monster so she can rationalize the affair in her mind. If not, then the whole affair, never loved you b.s. that comes out of her mouth would be a waste and a lie.

Anyway, a few minutes later she comes in and sits down to watch some t.v. with DS19 and me. She's there about a half hour and actually has a good time. She laughed and talked with us and I caught her a couple times looking at me and there was something in the look. You can just tell. And it was there. But then she suddenly got up and went upstairs to watch t.v. the rest of the night.

I'm thinking these are positive signs. She in total conflict with herself right now and it seems like the good times are starting to be more frequent than the bad times. The good times aren't great by any stretch of the imagination, but they're better than they have been in many months.

She sent me an email this morning and said she's setting up her paycheck to put some in our joint acct and the rest in "her" account. I think this will be good. I'm going to take the opportunity to see where we're going. I'm going to ask her if she's doing this because she see's us as roommates or if she's doing this so she has some control of her own money as part of a married couple? If she says as roommates then I am going to tell her she's going to have to contribute to groceries, pay for her own hair appts, her own gas , split the kids expenses, pay her Victoria's Secret bill, etc like a true roommate. Let her get a real taste of what it will be like if she doesn't commit to the marriage. If she says as part of a married couple then I will be more than happy to pay for all those things myself and just let her have her own money to do with as she pleases without having to ask me for it.

How's that sound?

I am not sure about the whole roommate thing. I am still paying for all of the bills (excpet my husband's cell phone and his student loan) including car insurance, his car payment, water, electric, the house, etc. etc. I am also paying for all of the groceries and any other items he needs (shaving cream, shampoo and stuff like that). When I had a roommate in college, I didn't buy her stuff. She bought her own and we labeled it with our names. Most of the time I don't mind buying him things, but when I spent my last $100 on groceries and he is buying a car stereo, it makes me wonder if he is taking advatage of me.

I thought of starting small. Asking him to pay the water bill. Then maybe adding up from there. He isn't paying his student loan. Those bills are just sitting on the table. I know he won't take it well and I HATE making all this about money.